The comments on this post are examples why there are so few women on Lemmy lol.
Yep
It’s a vicious cycle.
This sounds like a US thing.
People just don’t go to other people saying some random shit where I’m from. Unless they’re crazy, beggars, or tourists from the US. If you come to anorher person and don’t start your sentence with “excuse me” or “sorry”, you’re getting ignored.
It’s not common but I have had this weird interaction once:
Stop at random convenience store for a drink, take drink to counter, cashier looks up, sees my Dave Matthews Band shirt, and while doing the transaction for my drink says:
“I know that band! I hate that band! Take your shit and get out!”
It was confusing as hell. Who the fuck hates the Dave Matthews Band? 🤷🏻♂️
Personally, can’t stand them, but I support people listening to what they enjoy and the musical tastes of others shouldn’t dictate what anyone else enjoys. Music is art and no piece of art is universal.
Satellite is a solid track, though.
The gate keeping in anything, music or otherwise has always been lame. I want to meet and talk to people who are passionate about things I don’t know about and can talk to me about that. I’ve always found the “you can’t like this…” Mentality annoying.
What a weird story. And what did he do, refill the shit tank on the bus with waste so it was full when they checked afterwards, or did he swap plates to a different bus? I don’t deny this guy was responsible, but that’s a strange detail.
I do.
I also can’t stand DMB his voice is obnoxious and all the songs sound the same. Obviously idgaf if you like them and it doesn’t change how I feel about people just dont invite me to one of his shows.
It doesn’t happen in the US either. These posts are made up social media rage bait.
Both people in this made up conversation sounds like douches.
I’ve seen it happen when I was in high school. It was usually a call out between friends and 90% of the time it was a led zeppelin shirt. Never seen it between two strangers on the street though
Beethoven shirt. “Name five songs”, “sure, allegro, allegro vivace, scherzo, adagio, andante cantabile.”
1st, 2nd, 3rd, 4th, 5th symphonies.
My job includes doing a lot of events on college campuses, so I see a lot of t-shirts for classic rock bands. I see a Dark Side of the Moon shirt at nearly every event. I’m a huge lifelong musician and music lover, so I often ask if they’ve listened to that album. If they have, we have a nice discussion about Pink Floyd. If not, I encourage them to give it a listen, because it is an album that has literally changed people’s lives.
One girl told me she hadn’t heard it, but her GRANDMOTHER told her it was the greatest album ever made. First of all: Grandmother? That hurt. Secondly, I told her grandma may be right, go listen to that album.
Recently, someone was wearing an Abby Road shirt, so I asked. They turned out to be a huge Beatles fan, and we had a nice conversation about it.
OTOH, one girl had on a Kiss shirt, so I asked her, and she didn’t even know that Kiss was a band. She just liked the shirt.
Not everyone asking is looking to start an argument. Often we are just older music fans who are thrilled to see young people embracing the great rock music of the classic era, and want to talk to them about it. Engage those older music lovers, they may be able to tell you about other albums or artists you might like, or tell cool stories about shows they’ve been to. In my case, I worked for many years on the record biz, and have lots of stories of personal meetings and backstage experiences with truly legendary musicians. Young music lovers enjoy my stories, but if you responded with “name 5 women who trust you,” I’d just write you off as a defensive, confrontational jerk, and ignore you. No fun stories for you.
honestly Ive listened to DSOTM, and while I like the songs, it doesnt feel life changing to me
The Wall however…
This is lovely and wholesome, but you’re not the type of person the post is about.
Edit: sorry I just realised my comment was kinda glib, so let me elaborate. You didn’t specify but I assumed you approached those women with a friendly air, having a genuine desire to have a conversation with them as equals, and said something like “oh I love that album, have you listened to it?” Putting yourself in their shoes, compare that to a guy who approaches them aggressively, having a deep seated resentment for all women, and lashes out with “pretending you like that band huh? Prove it then, name 5 of their songs!”
Thank you for a common sense response to my post. The problem is that ALL standard-issue white boomer men like me have become the enemy, and we all take the blame for assholes who would behave poorly no matter what their sex, age, race, etc.
I have become somewhat activist about sweeping generalizations about people. It isn’t right when MAGA Nazis disparage undocumented immigrants as a whole, and it isn’t right when young people or women, etc. disparage older white men as a whole. Most of us are decent reasonable people, it’s just that the jerks are far louder, so they get the attention.
This was disappointing to read. This post was talking about a specific type of person that was not you, it was not about “how all older white men are the enemy,” and you took it personally. When someone gently told you that you weren’t being targeted, you doubled down and got even more defensive.
I’m sorry, but no one was making sweeping generalizations. We’re talking about a very specific situation that was never stated to be all men.
I don’t understand how your feelings are hurt by a post that had nothing at all to do with you. Judging from your comment, you were never one of the bad ones this post was calling out. It’ll be okay. And there may be other situations where it makes sense to talk about blanket distrust of men that might make life harder for genuinely good guys, though it’s not relevant in this post specifically.
But do you understand how offensive it comes off to equate MAGA Nazis on the same level as mens’ feelings being hurt? The rule of law is being ignored, people are being disappeared, we’re moving closer to Gilead, and the Lemkin Institute issued a genocide warning regarding MAGA blood libel and trans people. How are hurt feelings in any way comparable?
I wish we could have one post in a woman-centric community sharing difficult situations without one of the good men lashing out because they felt personally attacked.
As a standard-issue white boomer man we should be mad at the assholes for being assholes and not the people who want to avoid the assholes.
Those assholes make us look bad, and there’s not really anything we can do but speak up if and when we see it.
That’s the thing. I’ve never actually seen it in real life. Only in videos.
Just spent four days at a metal festival, people are going to be excited if you have a shirt of a band they wanna watch too. Spent a bunch of time talking to people about the band shirt i was wearing. There where women involved and people of all ages. It was brilliant. At some point one guys asked around the table what our favorite songs where. No weird "stop a random and demand 5 songs. "I sometimes think this is an america-only occurance.
I think the German saying „Der Ton macht die Musik.“ fits very well here. There is a massive difference between you bringing it up as an conversation starter and an incel jerk using it as a challenge.
Funnily enough, in your eagerness to rewrite the post to fit your own assumptions, you ignored the premise of the comments and the actual issue, proving the point entirely.
Then you doubled down, just quality all around 💯👌
This is how to be a decent person. I’m glad there are people like you in the world.
And yes the grandmother comment would have definitely hurt… oof.
People who wear band shirts, does this actually happen?
I had a person in the grocery store run up to me and recite the first half of a verse to me hoping I’d respond. I said something like “what?” as they pointed to my shirt and repeated themself. I then appropriately finished the verse and smiled.
You and I are very different people. I don’t care if I had the bands entire discography memorized, there is no way I’m rewarding that behavior.
Aww, that’s a little sad. If somebody is so jazzed about a band that they get up the courage to sing in public, I can certainly return a few bars.
Nope. Every once in a long while someone will say “Nice shirt!”.
… no. Although 2ce when I wore death metal band t shirt while walking my dog a car started blasting one of their songs. At least I thought it was one of their songs…. I went to the show that time and saw them live and they were great so I wanted to support them by buying merch. I have a ton of shirts like that.
“Name five women who want to talk to you. Oh wait, I’m not one of them.”
Name 5 cats who trust you.
So far I’ve only got 0.5/5 (my cat only half-trusts me… I tried to bathe my cat once and now everytime I have water nearby she does not trust me lol)
Suddenly realizing how many women I knew have come out as non-binary “Uhhh, uhhh… Well my wife? Wait, no, um, my friend? No, they’re not- uh,”
I once knew a girl who shaved her head bald. Her default response to “Does the carpet match the drapes?” was “That depends, is my head bleeding?”
How often is she asked that question though?
I was a doorman at a popular niteclub, she was out partying damn near every weekend for a while, I saw it happen twice in person.
Drunk people arent all that witty and they are very predictable.
Blonde and ginger women get asked plenty.
I can easily see a shaved head elicit the same dubious approach.
Any woman I’ve ever talked with has their fair share of weird, inappropriate crap thrown their way, this just par for the course.Isn’t once enough ?
OP said it was their “default response” which suggests this happens often which seems weird.
I can’t really assess whether that question is common, because I am a man and no equivalent of it exists in french, my native language. So I would trust the commenter above that this is a common enough occurrence that their friend has a default response for it
Using my powers of induction: “mmm… often enough to need a default answer.”
Good as a general snarky comeback, but tbh doesn’t seem appropriate unless the guy is wearing a shirt that says women trust him.
Just checking, if woman asked the exact same question would that be ok? Gatekeeping happens on both sides, not sure how this a male only issue.
Condescension and gatekeeping is never okay. If a woman did this to a man, I would defend the man. So it’s not a double standard.
It’s just that women frequently deal with this when they partake in male-centric hobbies. When this happens, there’s often some element of misogyny at play. So it’s okay for us to point out that specific situation and say it’s frustrating, and doing so doesn’t mean we’re saying this has never happened to men, nor that it’s morally virtuous for women in subcultures to condescend to men.
Also, this culture war thing is so exhausting. Everyone reads between lines and assumes the worst in everyone.
You mean if a woman insinuated you weren’t a real fan by asking you to prove you know more than 5 tracks? Sure, man. That’d be real bad.
Hey, does anyone remember when Morgan Webb was being harassed online for being a fake gamer girl while Adam Sessler wasn’t?
I meant if a woman asked this same woman the exact same question, would it be ok? Or is it a problem ONLY because a man asked the question to a woman? I’ve had men and women both ask me patronzing gatekeeping questions, jackasses are not limited to one sex.
How does that change the equation?
Let’s try this: what do you think I would say.I wasn’t replying to you to challenge your answer, I was just clarifying my original question. I would like to think you would say it would be an issue regardless of the gender of who asked. My original question is scrutinizing the original post’s intention as there are two issues present in the situation presented and at least on the surface they seem to take more of an issue because it was a man who asked. So If a woman asked that same woman the same question would she still respond with “Name 5 woman who trust you?” Just because a man is gatekeeping doesn’t mean he’s doing it only becausae she is a woman, he could just be a jackass who is gatekeeping and assuming he’s doing it only because they are a woman is reverse sexism.
It’s a little upsetting isn’t it? If it was about ending sexism it would be witchesVSsexism. Unfortunately it’s VSpatriarchy and some people view that as VSmen, not VS"a system of social structures and norms that prioritize men and male perspectives". I’d rather fight sexism as a whole than fuel manosphere content with tit for that clap backs but what do I know?
“Reverse sexism.” Okay, so women can never point out hurtful things that might be sexist because it’s sexist against men to point out sexism. No recourse, then? Got it. So, I belive this user is coming at this question in bad faith, as his mind is seemingly made up on what he thinks, so that first question was actually a statement, rather than genuinely asking how we’d respond to the roles being reversed.
If that’s not the case, my mistake. If it is, please go to a different community with this stuff. Your side won the culture war. My side can no longer use our first amendment rights in public peacefully without having the National Guard called. Just leave us in peace in our tiny corners of the internet we have left until my country’s government decides that is also illegal.
I mean, if I’m wearing a band’s shirt I’ll probably know five of their songs so sure.
On the other side of the spectrum I’ve owned and worn band clothes without even knowing they were band clothes. They were second hand and I liked the logos.
Yes! Who can even name five people they trust!?
Not really, but the issue is about how toxic misogynistic males frequently do this, not the fact that the string of events that have occurred
It’s just way way way way worse for women that’s all.
Nice notion, but won’t work.
Those people will happily list every women they know, however distant.
Many men don’t even have a concept for this kind of “trust”.Just what kind of trust you need? Many trust me, they also think I’m a moron and look down on me.
Who gives you the right to challenge if someone is truly “trusted” or not? You don’t know the person or the people they are citing, so you are just convicting men without any evidence at all.
Ohh! How nice! I was wondering why if I would ever have to block someone on here!
Not OP, but men tell us themselves. They tell us when we’re in a relationship and they say that no one else ever understood them like we do. They tell us when we see them talk about their loneliness across the internet. To deny it is to deny the pain that so many men admit for themselves, albeit only when in private or anonymous spaces.
A lot of men don’t have this deep trust in their lives, and I say this not out of malice but out of sympathy and concern. You deserve to know the kind of trust referenced here.
Valid, but you still can’t assume that’s the experience for EVERY man. Plenty of men are 100% trusted by those around them. My father was one of them. I have never spoken to anyone who didn’t view my father with true respect, including my mother. Trustworthy men exist, but women are taught to NEVER trust ANY man, no matter what. And BTW, plenty of women aren’t trustworthy either.
If we can ever get the political issues in this country settled to some extent (wishful thinking), we need to focus on the war between the sexes.
you still can’t assume that’s the experience for EVERY man.
Yep, which is why the rest of us are using words like “many,” “most,” and “a lot of.”
My mom
my cat
my cousin
The lady that delivers parts to our shop
my aunt
crosses arms
I live in fear of this type of person, especially as someone who listens to metal which tends to be male-dominated. I’m an album person and I’m not always checking the table of contents when I listen. There are bands I’ve been a fan of for over a decade that I don’t have five songs memorized for. I love these bands and I don’t think I’m fake for liking them or wearing a shirt.
Just tell them to fuck off, who cares about assholes
My brain just doesn’t respond well to those type of questions anyway. Most brains don’t, which is why those ‘gotcha’ street interview videos are so common. Most of those people aren’t idiots, they’re just panicking.
“Name 5 nations” “…uhhhhh, Antarctica, Canada, Texas, London, Taiwan”
“Oof, two out of five, no money for you, just public shame.”
My daughter taught me a good response for when people ask random questions that are intended to be passive aggressive, or just terrible comments from a nasty person in general. You just respond “YUR cool” and nothing else. It actually stops most people in their tracks because they don’t know how to respond.
Just remember you don’t have to prove yourself to anyone. People that gate-keep like this aren’t worth your time anyways.
I (~40 year old dude) had a similar thought when I saw this post. I like spaceslug a lot (and I’m wearing one of their tshirts right now!) but I don’t really know individual songs. Lemanis is a great album and Memorial has some good tracks, but names? Uhhh
“Oh you are a Valkyrie fan? Name every Valkyrie in existance” meme.jpg
Um, Mist 😅
I’ve listened to Vital Remains’ Let Us Pray once every couple weeks for the past 15 years and can’t name one song off of the album. I can play the guitar parts along to it, half the time I can’t even remember the name of the band. This is not vital info to my brain.
I would suggest telling them to go fuck themselves and moving on.
There are very few bands I could name five songs from, even though I really like music.
