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The Picard Maneuver@lemmy.world to Funny@sh.itjust.works · 1 year ago

The man can't help himself

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The man can't help himself

lemmy.world

The Picard Maneuver@lemmy.world to Funny@sh.itjust.works · 1 year ago
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  • terry_tibbs@lemmy.ml
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    1 year ago

    If I ever make it to the point where I have a removedin’ deck overlooking some fine wilderness then you’re damn right I’m gonna piss off it.

    • can@sh.itjust.works
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      I’m curious what word you tried to use. I didn’t think “fuck” was filtered on dot ml.

      “Bitchin’”?

      • thanks_shakey_snake@lemmy.ca
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        1 year ago

        Does ml auto-censor posts for mildly spicy language or something?

        • can@sh.itjust.works
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          1 year ago

          Anything that could be remotely considered a slur.

        • Deceptichum@sh.itjust.works
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          Yeah it’s a pretty pathetic community.

        • porous_grey_matter@lemmy.ml
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          1 year ago

          Not swears, just slurs

          • Socsa@sh.itjust.works
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            1 year ago

            Including the literal scientific name for a female dog. .ml is a joke.

            • null@slrpnk.net
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              1 year ago

              I mean, I can think of plenty of slurs with innocuous origins. It’s about how they’re used.

              • vrek@programming.dev
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                I’m tempted to start a community about the country between Chad and Mali… A nice wholesome community… I’m completely unqualified and know nothing about it but the amount of removed words would be amusing…

                • null@slrpnk.net
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                  I hope you have better luck than I did with my community about Scunthorpe

              • ArcaneSlime@lemmy.dbzer0.com
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                1 year ago

                True, though “bitchin’” isn’t used as a slur in this context, it’s slang for “cool.” Since like 1970 too, it isn’t some “new rizz.”

                If we want to get technical, a slur is “A disparaging remark; an aspersion.” So by the dictionary, any negative remark, especially one that is a false or damaging accusation or insinuation, is “a slur.” Therefore “you are a silly goose” counts as a slur, as it can be contextually negative to be seen as silly, and it is false to insinuate that you are a water fowl.

                We don’t really treat the word “slur” in real life as it’s definition would suggest, or to reign in my above joke a bit, words like “fuckface” or “dick” would commonly be considered a slur. Instead they’re just considered negative remarks by the community at large, to be a “slur” in the eyes of the public (not the dictionary) it has to have something more than just “bad.”

                I posit that “bitch” is truly no different than those common “bad” words, and should not be considered a slur. Frankly, same for “cunt.”

              • Kusimulkku@lemm.ee
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                1 year ago

                So do they consider the use or no?

                • can@sh.itjust.works
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                  No, it’s automatic based on a filter list. I wonder if it accounts for other languages though.

                • null@slrpnk.net
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                  Haven’t read their policy – simply saying origin is a useless way to determine whether or not something is a slur.

              • starman2112@sh.itjust.works
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                The newest example being “DEI”

                I’m sorry have y’all not seen racists using that as a slur lately? Saw a dude refer to Baltimore’s “DEI mayor” the other day

                • can@sh.itjust.works
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                  1 year ago

                  I have not?

            • Jojo@lemm.ee
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              Sorry, but… “scientific”?

      • ikidd@lemmy.world
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        I think you give the nannies at .ml too much credit.

      • porous_grey_matter@lemmy.ml
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        Female dog probably

      • Fuckfuckmyfuckingass@lemmy.world
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        Fuckin’ for sure.

        • Rai@lemmy.dbzer0.com
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          Nah, they don’t filter “fuck”

          The word is “bitchin’”

    • Empricorn@feddit.nl
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      Y’all are some of the most anti-control people around, and then… use an instance that heavily censors the naughty words you can say.

      • TexMexBazooka@lemm.ee
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        It’s weird how that works huh? Wouldn’t wanna upset anybodies fee fees

        • Empricorn@feddit.nl
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          Not sure why you’re so triggered? That wasn’t even close to the point of my comment…

          • TexMexBazooka@lemm.ee
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            …what’re you talking about?

            Not wanting to hurt peoples fee fees is why Lemmy.Ml censors stuff.

            • ArcaneSlime@lemmy.dbzer0.com
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              Ironically, censorship offends me and hurts the feelings of the censored. And no this isn’t me lamenting that “we can no longer say it,” I’ve been going on tirades against censorship since Tipper Gore got a boner for The Dead Kennedys and H. R. Giger. Fuck the PMRC, fuck the RIAA, fuck Jesse Helms, fuck censorship!

              • TexMexBazooka@lemm.ee
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                A lot of .ml’s moderation is pretty ironic

          • Texas_Hangover@lemm.ee
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            Dumbass, pay attention.

    • brbposting@sh.itjust.works
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      Recommendation: self censor or ditch that instance!

      I like our admin TheDude - responsive, knowledgeable, competent.

      https://sh.itjust.works/signup

      alt-text

      Screenshot of this thread

  • lseif@sopuli.xyz
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    what the hell did he do to piss off a deck ? did he expose it to the sun without regular maintenance ?

    • tetris11@lemmy.ml
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      He didn’t apply carbon-fiber stucco lathe to his foundation

    • WhiskyTangoFoxtrot@lemmy.world
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      https://youtu.be/tbazGVrbN-g

  • elevate@lemmy.world
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    Man who piss into wind, gets wet.

    • starman2112@sh.itjust.works
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      “I see,” said the blind man, pissing into the wind. “It’s all coming back to me now.”

      • ramjambamalam@lemmy.ca
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        ”I see," said the blind carpenter, as he picked up his hammer and saw.

        • Jojo@lemm.ee
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          “I see,” said the blind man
          to his deaf dog
          who was sitting on the corner of the round table
          on the third floor of their two-story building.

          • tetris11@lemmy.ml
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            “I see” said the woman, staring at the ceiling, realizing the frozen ice rink was more slippery than she thought.

    • pigup@lemmy.world
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      Man who make mistake on elevator, wrong on many levels

  • RampantParanoia2365@lemmy.world
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    Ok, I didn’t get it when I thought they meant not making the deck angry, and I still don’t get what I’m supposed to be seeing here.

    • ThatWeirdGuy1001@lemmy.world
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      The footprints in the snow that show he was still pissing off the deck.

      My only question is why does she care?

      • Lmaydev@programming.dev
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        Maybe she doesn’t want her deck to smell like piss

        • cheesymoonshadow
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          Or the plants to die. Large shrubs can be expensive to replace.

          • some_guy@lemmy.sdf.org
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            Ok, just piss in the corner then.

          • PeePantsMcgee@lemm.ee
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            I finally stopped peeing off the porch when I killed 2 rose bushes. Now I walk 2 steps off the porch and kill the grass

        • RagingRobot@lemmy.world
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          Weird

          • tetris11@lemmy.ml
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            I know… it’s pretty much written into marriage vows, “till death do us part or one of us stops pissing from the deck”. She needs to fulfill her duties and start joining him at night on the deck

        • Kusimulkku@lemm.ee
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          He is pissing off the deck. And no the ground won’t start smelling like piss from that lol

          • slazer2au@lemmy.world
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            Depends where the last few drops go.

            • Kusimulkku@lemm.ee
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              You’d have to have quite a lot of last few drops to smell up the place. Or some ridiculously potent piss.

              • FreakinSteve@lemmy.world
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                Have you ever seen a public urinal?

                • Kusimulkku@lemm.ee
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                  No of course not. Please elaborate. Do they get similar amounts of users or something else that’s comparable?

              • Pyr@lemmy.ca
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                Not if he does it every night. A few drops after a few weeks is a fair bit and wood soaks up liquid pretty good.

                • tigeruppercut@lemmy.zip
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                  Wood for an outside deck isn’t going to be soaking up much liquid, or the deck would turn to shit after a couple rainstorms. It’s probably pressure treated

              • RealFknNito@lemmy.world
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                I’m now imagining him getting bottles of concentrated piss and pouring it off the deck in the middle of the night to deter predators.

            • tetris11@lemmy.ml
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              I imagine there’s a racoon hiding underneath the boards, just lying there with its mouth open, waiting

  • 0x4E4F@sh.itjust.works
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    Urinating in the bathroom sink 🤤.

    • Dasnap@lemmy.world
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      Pissing in the ice cube tray 🤤

      • exocrinous@startrek.website
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        Who are you who are so wise in the ways of science?

        • BlemboTheThird@lemmy.ca
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          Gotta be biggus dikus

      • SatansMaggotyCumFart@lemmy.world
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        I prefer to piss in the wood stove.

        • Dasnap@lemmy.world
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          How about the humidifier?

          • SatansMaggotyCumFart@lemmy.world
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            I’ll have to try that.

            • HonkyTonkWoman@lemm.ee
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              If Upper Decking someone is taking a dump in the toilet tank, what would pissing in the humidifier be called?

              “Watering the lawn” is about all I can come up with & I think it’s a pretty shit name. Need some more suggestions…

              Also, my brother & I had go cart growing up. One afternoon we ran that thing until engine overheated, leaving us stranded.

              Being an impatient lil redneck, my brother decided to whip it out & piss on the engine to cool it off…

              Hot piss smells fuckin awful…

              • threelonmusketeers@sh.itjust.works
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                what would pissing in the humidifier be called?

                “Watering the lawn” is about all I can come up with & I think it’s a pretty shit name. Need some more suggestions…

                “Freshen the air”? “Make it rain”? “Steam it up”?

                • SatansMaggotyCumFart@lemmy.world
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                  Golden vapours.

        • SatansMaggotyCumFart@lemmy.world
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          deleted by creator

    • dohpaz42@lemmy.world
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      *kitchen sink

      For when the one bathroom is already being used and ya gotta go.

      • 0x4E4F@sh.itjust.works
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        Meeh, I use it as a urinal, even if the bathroom is not being used 😁.

        • starman2112@sh.itjust.works
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          Good to see the ol’ /r/SinkPissers community is strong on Lemmy

          • 0x4E4F@sh.itjust.works
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            God damn 🤣… never knew it existed on Reddit 🤣.

      • kakler bitmap@lemmy.world
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        I read that as “when the one in the bathroom is already being used” and imagined some guy grumbling about having to pee in the kitchen sink because someone else is already peeing in the bathroom sink.

      • TheHarpyEagle@lemmy.world
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        :(

  • Mikufan@ani.social
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    deleted by creator

    • Zidane@lemmy.world
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      Probably smells like piss

      • NoFuckingWaynado@lemmy.world
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        If it walks like piss, smells like piss, it’s definitely a duck.

        • Shard@lemmy.world
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          Who are you so wise in the way of science?

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        deleted by creator

        • merde alors@sh.itjust.works
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          why would you doubt that?

          were you pissing on the same spot everyday repetitively without anyone complaining?

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            deleted by creator

            • Vilian@lemmy.ca
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              this guy piss

          • Kusimulkku@lemm.ee
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            I have. Doesn’t smell (not just according to me)

    • Vampiric_Luma@lemmy.ca
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      Nitrogen content in your piss is pretty high and can end up killing your grass in excess. It looks like OP’s husband pisses in two spots right beside the stairs so the nitrogen will accumulate there.

      Judging by the shrubs there could be a little garden down there the wife cares about, or she wants the habit cut so there’s not a yellow splotch that guests are being funneled between.

      … Or plain old prudery. Who truly knows~

      • Davidchan@lemmynsfw.com
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        Unless hes literally pissing gallons a day on the same spot, or they live in a severely dry area, this is not a concern, rain and other sources like morning dew will dilute and wash it away. Plants aren’t that sensitive to it.

        • TheHarpyEagle@lemmy.world
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          Ever see “dog spots” in a yard? Urine can absolutely do damage to plants if concentrated in one area.

    • SlapnutsGT@lemmy.world
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      Jealousy

    • Kusimulkku@lemm.ee
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      Probably just seems nasty or something

    • TheHarpyEagle@lemmy.world
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      In the original POST, OP says that it’s killing the shrubs down there.

      Suggestions included making a designated piss spot or moving the shrubs. Not, you know, just respecting your wife enough to not piss off the deck if asked.

  • 🇰 🌀 🇱 🇦 🇳 🇦 🇰 🇮 🏆@yiffit.net
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    Maybe he didn’t pee.

    Maybe he pood.

    • zero_spelled_with_an_ecks@programming.dev
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      I’d be impressed if he managed to poop off the deck while his feet were facing out. I’d need a diagram to understand it.

      • Deepus@lemm.ee
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        No dagram needed, poop it out until its clinging on for dear life and just about to fall, then a little hip thrust will send it forward into the abyss.

        Takes a little practice.

      • ArcaneSlime@lemmy.dbzer0.com
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        Well you see, it’s an elaborate system of pulleys and levers, sort of like a Rube Goldberg machine…

      • devfuuu@lemmy.world
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        People seem to forget the agility of the shower poop man.

    • AFK BRB Chocolate@lemmy.world
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      Footprints the wrong way

      • 🇰 🌀 🇱 🇦 🇳 🇦 🇰 🇮 🏆@yiffit.net
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        That’s assuming he didn’t poo onto the porch and then toss it. ;)

        • AFK BRB Chocolate@lemmy.world
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          Seems like that would had left an even more telling track in the snow.

  • therealjcdenton@lemmy.zip
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    What did you do to make it so angry?

  • slurpeesoforion@startrek.website
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    Why the deck mad, bro?

  • Boomer Humor Doomergod@lemmy.world
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    That’s his land. He can piss on it if he wants. He’s just marking his territory.

    • WldFyre@lemm.ee
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      It’s their land

      But hey wife bad amirite?

    • crazyCat@sh.itjust.works
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      Maybe it’s her land, or both of theirs.

      • Boomer Humor Doomergod@lemmy.world
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        1 year ago

        Then she should be pissing on it, too. It’s only fair.

  • dumbass@toast.ooo
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    1 year ago

    That chair could do with a sand and a nice coat of paint.

    • cordlesslamp@lemmy.today
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      1 year ago

      I think it’s fabric, not wood.

    • Noodle07@lemmy.world
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      1 year ago

      On the left? It’s not wood

  • TwoBeeSan@lemmy.world
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    1 year ago

    Had a neighbor who would piss on his front bush like a fucking cat.

    You could tell where because of the dead spot in the shape of piss trickle

  • Empricorn@feddit.nl
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    1 year ago

    I mean, at least he’s house-trained.

  • Screamium@lemmy.world
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    1 year ago

    Urea works as a fertilizer!

    • DeathsEmbrace@lemmy.ml
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      9 months ago

      deleted by creator

      • Screamium@lemmy.world
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        1 year ago

        If you want to use urine as a fertilizer it should be diluted and spread out.

        But anyway, a quick Google search says urine ranges from 4 to 8 pH. Unless you’re peeing in the same spot every day I highly doubt it would be much of a problem.

      • Kusimulkku@lemm.ee
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        1 year ago

        I pour milk on top of it no worries

        • brick@lemm.ee
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          1 year ago

          Sounds delicious

        • hemko@lemmy.dbzer0.com
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          1 year ago

          Maitokusimulkku

          • Kusimulkku@lemm.ee
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            1 year ago

            👈️👈️

    • mrgreyeyes@feddit.nl
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      1 year ago

      Jizz is protein. The plants will be swole!

    • Trainguyrom@reddthat.com
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      1 year ago

      A family friend shared 2 problems she’s been dealing with since moving into her house:

      1. The ground is all clay so it’s impossible to grow anything without bringing in a crapload of dirt
      2. The septic has an issue and has to be pumped every 3 weeks

      I pointed out that clearly they need to be using the septic to fertilize the flower beds to solve both problems but for some reason she didn’t like that idea…

      • wahming@monyet.cc
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        What kind of issue would require you to pump your septic every 3 weeks? Taco bell?

        • Trainguyrom@reddthat.com
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          1 year ago

          That’s a damn good question that I do not have an answer to. I don’t speak with this person at all, and this was the first time my wife had spoken to them in years so we may never know

        • theluckyone@lemmy.world
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          1 year ago

          The effluent filling up the leach field, then the tank, then the house, due to the surrounding clay preventing it from draining quickly enough.

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    1 year ago

    If go outside there is no need to wash your hands, tis is natural.

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