Never had it, probably never will. So I’m curious.
(If the question isn’t allowed, which I don’t think is, for some reason I’ll delete the post)
Thank you.
It’s like masturbation but more clumsy because your partner doesn’t have your nerves to monitor but also they can do neat stuff because muscles and bones and stuff.
Simply put, it feels good. Not as good as television or movies would have you believe; more-so a pleasant endorphin rush and a feeling of ‘oneness’ with your partner, for lack of a better word. In my opinion, sex is much better when it involves intimacy with a person you genuinely care about.
I question the kind of sex people are having here. With my partner, 100% of the time it ends up with us both babbling incoherent words until we orgasm, then basically screaming at the top of our lungs for 30 seconds until the orgasm subsides.
I don’t think it was that intense until we got into using toys, though.
I’m sure it’s a range depending on factors like sensitivity, comfort-level, skill, general sex-drive, etc. I’m not going to pretend I’m the world’s best lover or anything, but I’ve certainly never had any complaints. I ain’t no pillow princess.
That said, I also burnt the tip of my dick pretty badly on a towel heater as a teenager. Everything works just fine, but I’ve always lowkey wondered if that may have permanently damaged my sensitivity somewhat.
Fair points! I’m sorry to hear about your dong. I hope it’s not damaged.
Both my partner and I are kinda nearly ace, with reactive libidos. Maybe that’s why it’s so mindblowing for us. We don’t do stuff very often, we basically have to schedule it and even then we often are too lazy. When we DO do each other though, whether actual sex or just playing with our toy collection, it’s completely mindblowing and transcends our bodies into the ether momentarily, leaving us howling.
Would you mind expanding a little bit on the topic of “reactive libido”? I googled it but don’t think I full grasped the concept.
Sure! We just don’t get horny on our own. We’re not fully asexual because when we DO have sex it’s fucking amazing for both of us, but unless we literally schedule a date and time to sex, it never happens.
If my partner had a normal libido and initiated sex every day, I would gladly have sex every day. If I had a normal libido and initiated every day, my partner would be down.
But we don’t, so we just have to be like “how about Saturday night?” and when the time rolls around and if we’re not tired, we’ll throw on some hentai, bust out the bad dragon dildoes, magic wand, and clit suckinator 5000 and just fucking destroy or bodies in the name of hedonism.
Thanks for your explanation!
Today, I read about spontaneous and responsive desire (I learned something new :)). Spontaneous desire means that you get aroused mentally first, and then your body responds. Responsive desire means that you need to get into the activity first, and only then do you become mentally aroused.
Is this the same thing?
Thanks for your dongdolences, no lasting damage I’m aware of thankfully! And congrats on the good sex, there’s definitely something to be said for quality over quantity.
Username checks out.
My condolences to you and your knob.
It really depends on the person. I’ve been with my partner (w4w) for 4 years but sex is not a core part of our relationship. She’s demi and I’m ace due to ADHD and alexithymia. Each time we’ve tried, it was ultimately boring and unsatisfying.
Ah, I’m sorry to hear that. My partner and are are both ace-adjacent and have reactive libidos. So we really have to schedule days and one of us usually ends up vetoing (to no hard feelings from either of us!)
When we DO finally get going, it’s an absolute mess of hedonistic disgusting writing babbling screaming goodness. We have a thousand or two USD worth of toys we bust out and just destroy ourselves and each other. I’m surprised we both don’t want to do stuff more, but it’s just a lot of work, physically and mentally. Then my body is usually completely fucked for the next bunch of days.
One thing I will say about it is that it’s very much in the mind. If you’re stressed or anxious in any way, it makes it harder to get into things. Which of course makes you more anxious.
Since you seem to be overwhelmed and misanthropic (no judgement!) at the moment, you’d probably be worrying and overthinking it too much to enjoy it. So if you want to try sex in some way in the future, I’d recommend working on your health first. Go outside. Exercise. Eat and sleep healthily. That kind of thing.
I don’t even know what that word means. And I don’t go outside, really, so that’s out of the question.
Sex is quite a broad term but if what you’re asking is ‘what does it feel like to stick my dick into vagina’ then go buy a fleshlight, run some warm water thru it, lube your dick and try it out. It’s not exactly the same but it’s pretty close.
My personal opinion? Overrated. That’s what it feels like.
I find the idea of using a toy for my cum even more disgusting than other suggestions here. And honestly would make me even more depressed.
My partner and I have maybe 1-2k USD of toys. Sometimes we don’t even have regular sex, we just use toys on ourselves or each other. Nothing at all wrong with using toys!
You already have a partner. Is not the same at all. Not trying to judge you in the slightest.
I used toys by myself when I was single! They made everything a lot more fun.
For me the idea is disgusting. I cannot do that, and again feels like I’m confirming my failure as a healthy fertile male. I already feel bad masturbating.
I’m functional and decently endowed (according to the internet) but it’s everything else in my reality and my “soul” that works against me
Were you raised religious? I was and also struggled with shame and guilt around sex. I’d say around 22 or 23 I finally started getting over it. Started buying toys and now I’ve got a grand in Bad Dragon toys, and another maybe thousand of various other toys. I can think back to when that concept would have disgusted me, too. Now that I’m in my 30s, I have absolutely no shame about it anymore. I hope your feelings about sex get better like mine did.
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I don’t believe in any wizard in the sky. And that has nothing to do anyways, many latinos like me are grown into stupid Catholicism and yet quite a few have already gf pregnant before reaching their 20s due bad sex ed. Is just be being unlucky, unable to be social, having no one around and being a failed adult with no job or money to offer to any woman.
Any particular reason why? It’s socially acceptible for women to use toys but it’s a shame it’s taboo for men.
Feels like I failed. Which I have, but I don’t want a physical reminder.
I know plenty of guys that regularly have Sex, but still own or tried fleshlights or other toys.
I get your argument, but I’d say it’s probably better suited for life-sized realistic Sex dolls
Anyone can find someone in my admittedly optimistic mind.
Honestly there are sex toys that mimic tge physical sensation perfectly (and even better at times) so if you really want to, maybe get a few sex toys off of amazon.
I would suggest that if you really want to experience it, go out to events that interest you, make some connections with people who share your interests, and you will probably find someone who is dtf
Maybe op literally cannot due to disability. If that’s the case, I would suggest a sex worker. You can find really great people who do that kind of work and would help make things as easy as possible for you
Nah I’m complete and functional (physically speaking). I’m just a failed adult, and that’s on the center, my core. It cannot change and in a way, I don’t want to change it.
I mean this in the kindest way possible: I think you need some mental health support. Failure isn’t something you are, it’s merely something that happens and it happens to the best of us. You can always change, but it takes some effort and the will to change. Having more self-esteem will really help you find the type of sexual relationship you seem to be seeking.
I’m sorry but I really can’t. I’m too old and weird for it, plus I don’t feel like changing, it would be like erasing myself, I’m not a bad person, but if nobody wants me then I’m screwed because that undesired individual is me and no one else.
I promise you there are older and weirder people in the world who can still find love and fulfillment. Yeah it might be harder, but it is still possible. The most important step is to take care of yourself first. Seriously, look into therapy or support groups. You are not alone in this struggle.
Therapy? I’m having a laugh. That thing isn’t a thing for poor people.
Changing yourself is not erasing yourself. It’s improving yourself. ‘Old and weird’? Nah, I got lots of old weirdos that are an absolute delight in my life.
Okay, you’re not a bad person. How is someone supposed to know that? What do you do? Tell me about yourself, but don’t say stuff about what you are. Tell me what you do. 3 things.
Chances are the more you do, the more you’ll find yourself around people that will find what you do desirable.
Why? Is not like you’re going to magically fuck my problems away from were you are. Be honest, you think I’m worthless or at the very least a huge loser.
I don’t think that at all. I think you’re struggling and this is a cry for help. I’m just trying to give you a stick. (Like https://boggletheowl.tumblr.com/post/41509206591/ive-been-getting-a-lot-of-these-lately-and-i )
Unfortunately no one outside yourself will be able to save you on this one. You have to decide to make effort to improve. Especially if you’re not in the financial position to get professional help. Good luck and I wish you the best.
I responded elsewhere as well, but I want to say this here too: you clearly have some issues, and it can be really hard to deal with that when you’re not in a good mental or financial place, but I encourage you to find a way.
Pick something. Anything at all, that you are interested in learning or doing and google it. Learn a skill. You’re worth the time it takes. Start working towards a way to be a success on something. Anything. Learn to be a good cook. Learn to code. Learn to juggle (admittedly less helpful in the real world, but at least interesting). It doesn’t matter what but start working some kind of improvement. When I was a baby, I couldn’t do anything for myself, but turns out if you do something enough times you learn anyway.
This isn’t about the sex thing. It’s about you feeling stuck and unable to move forward. It’s about you feeling like a failure and being mad at yourself for feeling that way. Your brain will resist change. Kill the part of you that refuses change before it kills you.
You don’t have to sit stagnant even if it feels helpless. I promise that by doing something, anything, you’ll start to feel a tiny bit better week over week. And some day, you’ll look back on this question and know the answer (assuming that’s a goal of yours).
Is not really a goal. I’m already giving up in things that I liked because I can do them anyways and doing silly things just to “be successful at something” if I don’t have an almost instant gratification I will give up. Because I’m not wired like you, I just can’t work for something just for self improvement.
I’m already giving up on trying to drive a car. I’m done.
I’ll say it again. Kill the part of yourself that resists change or it will kill you.
I have AuADHD. Executive dysfunction so bad I will look at clothes next to the laundry basket and say “those go in the basket” and then walk away. Then do it again 10 more times in the next half hour. I get it. I’m not saying it’s easy. It’s very much not. But you gotta walk away from your learned helplessness or nothing will ever change.
My point before was that small steps are still steps. Most skills are learned in tiny increments. You won’t be able to look back and see progress for a bit. That doesn’t mean there’s no progress. If your goal is to feel bad for yourself you’re succeeding. But if it’s to become a functioning adult then you gotta start somewhere sometime. Yesterday was the best time to start but today is the second best.
Don’t be so harsh on yourself, everyone has good qualities, try to think of yours every now and again
My qualities aren’t worth shit in the real world
Then go get some qualities that are worth shit in the real world.
I’m not capable. And I don’t have the money
You are on the internet. You have access to more knowledge than anyone else before you. Stop self hating and start fixing yourself.
Plenty of good qualities don’t cost a dime.
Edit: and you are totally capable. It’s just going to take effort, which, judging from your replies, you don’t want to put in. Can’t help with that part.
You know when you’re so thirsty that your lips are chapped and your mouth is dry, but then you drink some water and it’s so fucking good because it’s exactly what you needed and every fiber of your being is consumed by the moist euphoria of that water cascading over every ripple and fold of your esophagus until you’re finally quenched to the point of bursting and you release a satisfied " …ahhhhhh!"
It’s like that, but you also get to squeeze some titties
Is that a book?
It’s from reddit, I didn’t want to pretend like it was OC when it wasn’t
On the flip side to your question - if it don’t feel right then that’s a good time to stop (or alter) what you’re doing.
It is how babby is formed
They need to do way instain mother> who kill their babbys becuse these babby cant frigth back?
if you’re curious then pay someone for it. Don’t worry about “purity” or “sanctity” or any of that rubbish, as long as you’re safe (i.e. condom etc).
It is nicer when you have an emotional connection but if you just wanna see what it’s like and get off then it’s worth $100 to find out.
Otherwise, I can’t really explain it, and anyway everyone’s experience is different so it’s not really explainable. It’s kind of running on instinct and just enjoying the ride. But ultimately the pure physical sensation isn’t really different to getting yourself off, but there’s a lot more going on with cuddling and kissing and stuff, which is nice.
Is not about the purity or anything like that. The idea of doing it with a woman that does that with a lot of men without taking care is just ehh… Also I would feel like an even bigger loser paying for it (just to be clear, I’m not attacking anyone that pays for it, is just a me thing). Finally I’m too awkward for that.
See? 3 good reasons why I’m stuck. Oh, plus I’m broke, 100 bucks are a lot of money.
A couple of things to understand about professional sex workers:
First, they are professionals. They understand that people need something from them that they don’t get in the world. Their job is to find a way to provide that, within reason. Many are quite good at it. You’d be surprised.
Second, there’s a reason it’s known as the world’s oldest profession. I remember an old joke about a guy ranting about the moral sin of masturbation, and someone saying, “Let he among you with a free hand cast the first stone!” Seriously, it’s an industry that’s survived wars, famine, depressions, and everything in between. It’s always had plenty of customers in the worst of times. There’s no shame.
Finally, you want to identify whether you’re asking about a sex act or making love. Physically, they’re very similar, but emotionally they couldn’t be more different. If all you want to feel is the act, go to a decent escort or buy a flesh-light. If you want the emotional attachment, that takes some work. The good news is if you find it, the awkwardness of the sex act won’t matter. It will be overshadowed by your feelings for one another.
$100 is asking for syphilis. Go to the high-end escorts. You can even find review sites where clients discuss the cleanliness of the environment, etc. The pros are open with their doctors about their profession and take the necessary precautions and advice to be safe. I’d say USA $500 per hour and above should net you someone who’s both safe and an expert at making you comfortable rather than nervous.
Source: have briefly dated two different people in the profession.
Like I said before I’m broke, 500 dollars?! That’s basically what I used to earn when I had a job
Vaginal sex kinda feels like slipping into silk pajamas.
Orgasm feels like sneezing to celebrate scoring a touchdown. Your body takes over in a way that sort of blasts pleasure through your body. It’s sneeze like, but also really pleasant, like a cool breeze on a hot day, but amplified in the way the pleasure of a hot bath knocks your senses into a new level. It superumamic.
Sounds nice
The sensations of sex vary significantly between individuals. I could tell you what my experience of sex is like, but depending on your specific body, it might feel wholly different. The only way you’re going to be able to satisfy that curiosity is to engage in the activity yourself.
Don’t give up on finding out for yourself if it’s important to you. I didn’t have sex with someone else until I was 29 and then spent my early 30’s making up for lost time.
For me, I was my own worst enemy. I believe that I was unlovable and unattractive (and also had some queer identify related complicating factors). I thought that sex and intimacy were transactional and that in order to find someone interested in having sex with me required me to be a person I was not. The error in my thinking was that sex was a goal, rather than a side effect of building meaningful connections with other humans.
Your mileage may vary though.
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I’m sorry you feel that way, but it’s not true. All you’re missing is self-confidence and self-worth. It may not feel like it, but you are worthy of love and validation. Love yourself because you are alive and trying.
It’s not easy, especially if you’ve built up a lot of myths about how you’re broken or unlovable. Find the things you like about yourself and go from there. All you have to do is keep trying.
The things that I like keep me away from women and society, I hate the outside world except when there’s no one outside, honestly I loved COVID time. Is not going to work, plus I’m have no money.
I genuinely don’t think anyone would want to fuck me under those conditions. I can’t approach anyone unless is for a job or a forced dialogue like at the market.
For some women that would be a turn off for a romantic partner, yes. You don’t have to plan a future with everyone you have sex with. There are plenty of women who want something casual and low attachment and would not be bothered at all by anything you mentioned.
Women are not a monolith. Each one of us is different and have different wants, needs, and desires. Don’t let the bullsh!t about you not being desirable stop you from trying. Rejection sucks, but never trying is much worse.
I live in the middle of nowhere. Being this weird and picky is not going to work with anyone dude. I have 0 chances, rejection and never trying suck both equally, but I can’t change the rules. The only way women would want me is if I was the only man available in a 30 km radius and even that is being generous.
I don’t know you or anything about you, but that sounds a lot like my internal dialogue did before I realized I was autistic. I do have a personality, I had just been hiding it as a form of masking, so I didn’t know it very well. I know autism is often used as an insult, but for me, it’s just a different perspective (I’m aware that not every autistic person is able to articulate what their experience is like, and I’m not discounting that it can be a very serious disability, this is just my view), and I’m absolutely not trying to insult you.
I’m either incredibly picky or 100% utilitarian depending on my stress and situation, and I’m very different from other people, so I sometimes feel really weird. I also often consider myself a failed adult, though I’m in a situation that many would call success. And I definitely miss all the personal space I was afforded during covid.
I don’t know if finding out would be as revelatory for you as it was for me, but you may want to look into it. I’m sorry if this was an overstep, I just recognize a lot of my former self in what you write, and I’m much happier since I found out.
it’s overrated imo
Sort of in the way that I frequently think I am too lazy to start. When you’re into the action, you don’t really question it anymore - or anything for that matter- but just go with the flow. When it’s done you don’t regret it either.
Do you have sex often?
not that often (maybe like 2 times a month)
Depends on your age bracket, in my opinion.
At 20, it’s like catching the game winning touchdown for the national championship when your team was the underdog.
At 40, it’s like winning a hundred bucks on a lottery scratcher.
At 50, it’s like getting a free order of onion rings with your meal.
At 60, it’s like getting an extra nugget in your 9 piece.
Dang I’m near 40 and still feels like the 20 example. Sorry dude
No need to apologize to me dude. If you are that age and still feel like sex is the peak of your life’s achievement, then I am happy for you.
I’m just shy of 40, and if that’s how sex feels to you, you should work on that.
I don’t know that I agree with the analogies, but they made me laugh!
I’d say its significantly better than onion rings.
In fairness, I really like onion rings.
At my age, I’d probably rather the onion rings.
The physical parts of it can be imitated well enough with the various devices, so you can experience those whenever.
The emotional side of things is much more complicated. For that each person is very very different, and it really depends on the situation, relationship, and intentions… just to name a few sides.
Yeah, I probably wouldn’t know what to do, I don’t have “feelings” and stuff as much, I’m very cold
I mean… you know how your bits work, it’s easy to figure that your partner knows how their bits work… It just takes some communication to do something that feels nice for both sets of bits.
It’s not unusual for the first several times to be a bit awkward as you learn about the others preferences, but it gets better as you become more comfortable with the quirks of your partner.
Dude, there’s a reason I never had a partner and I’m still virgin. My brain just doesn’t work like that
Bags of sand
