On one hand, in a general sense I do respect that for very many women who feel this sentiment, it is a determination rooted in lived experience. However, I think even in those cases women should be mindful not to lump all men together with statements like “I hate all men/all men are assaultive bastards”. I have met my fair share of misogynistic chuds, but I also know very many thoughtful and allied men and I find it a shame that they get so readily damned along with the douchebros with such broad assertions. I find it hard to believe that literally EVERY man a woman comes across is a privileged lecherous empathy-devoid cretin. Maybe I’m not attractive enough to have lived the same experience or maybe my resting bitch face is deterring these assholes from trying with me, but more often than not when I go about my business in public spaces it’s a pretty boring affair. On the occasions where someone has stopped me to comment on how they feel about me, in the majority of cases it was respectful, I indicated I wasn’t interested (only ever seems to happen when I am in a relationship, lol), and we went peacefully on our separate ways. And in several cases, it was women commenting on my looks/body, so it’s not just men who are out there peepin. My takeaway from my experiences is that the vast majority of people are fine, irregardless of their gender, and it’s just a small minority of assholes of both genders out there making a bad name for themselves.
In the case of assuming all men hate women because “they rejected me/the patriarchy has taught me I should get my way/etc” I think that is a similarity reductive conclusion. Of course there are some men who feel that way, and I am not arguing that they don’t exist. I am arguing however, that there is no way that ALL men are that way. I am a woman and as such I haven’t experienced a man’s lived point of view on this. But I do know some men who have just genuinely had a super rough time with women and have gotten to a point where most of their experiences with women have been hurtful and extractive. And are their real lived experiences not just as valid as a woman’s? For one of my male friends, he invested a lot of time and emotional care into a woman who was all too happy to entertain him while he was her only option, only to leave him abruptly because “she found someone who she has a real spark with and she just has to follow her heart”. To which he said he understood and let her go. Then she came back to him some time later saying that other guy didn’t work and she wants back with him (they didn’t get back together thankfully). And this is not an unusual occurrence for men, as I understand it. Being strung along as a backup plan for a woman, never good enough to commit to but a comfortable person to milk emotional support out of. While I don’t think it’s fair to assert that ALL women are that way, it’s fair for him to say that his lived experiences with women aren’t all sunshine and roses, and that women are just as capable of manipulating another person for their personal gain, whatever that is to them.
All this rambling to say, I am really tired of seeing these divisive blanket statements. They are damaging to people on both sides of the argument. In my opinion, gender is irrelevant, and the real issue is that people, nomatter their gender identity, are capable of mistreatment and manipulation. We as a society need to hold those specific individuals accountable and take care not to hold innocent people’s feet to the fire at the same time. After all, only the sith deal in absolutes.
I feel conflicted by this question, ngl.
On one hand, in a general sense I do respect that for very many women who feel this sentiment, it is a determination rooted in lived experience. However, I think even in those cases women should be mindful not to lump all men together with statements like “I hate all men/all men are assaultive bastards”. I have met my fair share of misogynistic chuds, but I also know very many thoughtful and allied men and I find it a shame that they get so readily damned along with the douchebros with such broad assertions. I find it hard to believe that literally EVERY man a woman comes across is a privileged lecherous empathy-devoid cretin. Maybe I’m not attractive enough to have lived the same experience or maybe my resting bitch face is deterring these assholes from trying with me, but more often than not when I go about my business in public spaces it’s a pretty boring affair. On the occasions where someone has stopped me to comment on how they feel about me, in the majority of cases it was respectful, I indicated I wasn’t interested (only ever seems to happen when I am in a relationship, lol), and we went peacefully on our separate ways. And in several cases, it was women commenting on my looks/body, so it’s not just men who are out there peepin. My takeaway from my experiences is that the vast majority of people are fine, irregardless of their gender, and it’s just a small minority of assholes of both genders out there making a bad name for themselves.
In the case of assuming all men hate women because “they rejected me/the patriarchy has taught me I should get my way/etc” I think that is a similarity reductive conclusion. Of course there are some men who feel that way, and I am not arguing that they don’t exist. I am arguing however, that there is no way that ALL men are that way. I am a woman and as such I haven’t experienced a man’s lived point of view on this. But I do know some men who have just genuinely had a super rough time with women and have gotten to a point where most of their experiences with women have been hurtful and extractive. And are their real lived experiences not just as valid as a woman’s? For one of my male friends, he invested a lot of time and emotional care into a woman who was all too happy to entertain him while he was her only option, only to leave him abruptly because “she found someone who she has a real spark with and she just has to follow her heart”. To which he said he understood and let her go. Then she came back to him some time later saying that other guy didn’t work and she wants back with him (they didn’t get back together thankfully). And this is not an unusual occurrence for men, as I understand it. Being strung along as a backup plan for a woman, never good enough to commit to but a comfortable person to milk emotional support out of. While I don’t think it’s fair to assert that ALL women are that way, it’s fair for him to say that his lived experiences with women aren’t all sunshine and roses, and that women are just as capable of manipulating another person for their personal gain, whatever that is to them.
All this rambling to say, I am really tired of seeing these divisive blanket statements. They are damaging to people on both sides of the argument. In my opinion, gender is irrelevant, and the real issue is that people, nomatter their gender identity, are capable of mistreatment and manipulation. We as a society need to hold those specific individuals accountable and take care not to hold innocent people’s feet to the fire at the same time. After all, only the sith deal in absolutes.