Whenever a 21-23-year-old is dating or is having sex with men or women. 10, 15, or 20 years older than them, people on Reddit, TikTok, and X will claim the 21-23-year-olds are automatically “victims” of abuse or “paedophilia”, but that’s just not true for the record. I think big age gaps are weird and inappropriate; however, just because a 23-year-old chose to have sex with a 50-year-old doesn’t mean that 23-year-old is a “victim”. I have a problem with people on social media (or people in general) who treat 21-, 22-, 23- or 24-year-olds who are in relationships or sexual relationships with adults much older than them as the same as adults dating minors.
First of all, actual pedophile and actual statutory rape are horrible; they’re horrible evil things, and when people compare a 33-year-old dating a 23-year-old to a 30-year-old taking advantage of a 14-15-year-old, you automatically lose the argument. A 23-year-old is an adult, and when you call a 21-23-year-old a “victim” for dating men or women older than them, you are taking away their autonomy and comparing these men and women (yes, young men and women, but still men and women) to little boys and girls. You are comparing them to children, and this is literally the opposite of freedom.
While I think it’s weird that a 21-23-year-old dating an older person is really weird and inappropriate, I can’t compare an older adult dating a 23-year-old to a literal pedo who goes after literal children; they aren’t the same. One person deserves to die, and the other doesn’t. The one dating a 23-year-old is a little weird and deserves a side eye; the other deserves to be locked up in prison forever.
Claiming 21-23-year-olds who date older people are “victims” insults actual victims who are actual victims of abuse and pedo, and when you compare a 23-year-old adult consenting to sex with an older adult to an adult r-working a child, you are basically saying that statutory (insert r-word) isn’t that bad.
A 21-23-year-old dating men in their 30s or 40s is weird and gross, but it is not the same as adults R-wording children. A 23-year-old might be young, but they are old enough to consent to this if they want, and claiming they don’t have that right is wrong. Even if their choice is weird to you, it is still their right as an adult in their 20s to do so.
Stop comparing this to a paedophile; one is very weird and gross (but the two people consenting have the right to choose to be weird and gross), the other truly evil.
Are you going to therapy yet?
This is obviously eating away at you, and I don’t think we’re able to provide the help you need.
Don’t you know adult women cannot make choices for themselves? They’re little babies we should protect from themselves /s
Honestly even if they are, there’s a concept of freedom, including freedom to make mistakes, and another concept of what’s natural. Most relationships are flawed one way or another, doesn’t mean we should have state officials deciding who sleeps with whom.
But in any case - when it’s about women, the real reason is usually that the one saying doesn’t want to feel competition from men much older than them, or competition to their son/nephew(-s) from men much older, or something like that. It’s usually people with fucked up ideas of relationships, who’d consider leaking woman’s one private photo as something as bad as rape and warranting murder, but who’d not consider grooming wrong at all, because the groomer is “taking care of her”, letting down a woman even unknowingly as being a bullshit person, but trying to decide for a woman as fine, and things like that. Shit that was normal in Victorian books, but isn’t anymore.
OK, I’m reminiscing on my dad too much. I once heard him talking to a therapist over a video call and starting that “I have a son your age …” (I’m autistic with BAD and, in no small part, it was kinda hard to have relationships having such a closer family) line, couldn’t help cringing so loud he shut the fuck up. The therapist apparently was cold-blooded enough that she advised him to apologize before me, LOL.
Or adult men ;)
Adult men like that live on to be big babies far into their 50s, and then become a bit smarter simply because they have less energy.
Whenever a 21-23-year-old is dating or is having sex with men or women. 10, 15, or 20 years older than them, people on Reddit, TikTok, and X will claim the 21-23-year-olds are automatically “victims” of abuse or “paedophilia”, but that’s just not true for the record.
You know social media does not represent general public opinion or the general opinion of experts in the field. It’s just random fucking people with megaphones.
Ignore it. If you’re in such a relationship be mindful of the pitfalls and listen to people you know in real life if they express concerns.
People need to stop automatically giving credence to the opinions of random Internet people. Yes, this opinion, too. Get back to real life.
A 21-23-year-old dating men in their 30s or 40s is weird and gross
You’ve inadvertently touched on the main reason behind this: infantilising and controlling women.
Men can and do date older women. But it’s not brought up as “problematic”
It’s not about pedophilia, it’s about sexual strategy.
The people complaining about it are (usually) older and bitter that being young is more desirable. If humans are born in equal proportions, then one 40 year old and one 20 year old deciding to be together means there is one 40 and one 20 year old (of the respective opposite sex) that can not have a relationship with someone their own age. Since usually it’s an older man with a younger woman, that means a young man has to find an older woman and an older woman has to find a younger man, both of which (usually) goes against their desires.
They obviously do not like that outcome, thus they try to limit who can date who based on age range, so at least they can get someone their own age. “All is fair in love and war”, and so they use all tools at their deposal to achieve that goal, even calling something pedophilia even if it isn’t.
This behavior is not usually totally conscious.
(Disclaimer: obviously I’m speaking about the “base case” of heterosexuality, two genders, etc. I’m not trying to make any absolute, 100% truth, detailed statements here, I’m just talking about the “most common” case)
people on Reddit, TikTok, and X
There’s the problem. These are some of the most toxic places on the internet.
Everybody deserves to die, not even the worst people should be kept alive indefinitely.
Whenever a 21-23-year-old is dating or is having sex with men or women. 10, 15, or 20 years older than them, people on Reddit, TikTok, and X will claim the 21-23-year-olds are automatically “victims” of abuse or “paedophilia”
Thats only because its the thing that gets upvotes/likes/etc. Its so bad, that now if youre over 26 and dating 25, people will call you a paedo because it will get them upvotes.
The reality is that all sorts of people get together for all manner of reasons. And none of them are toxic, or abuse, or anything else. Social media isnt a place where real opinions are expressed. Its just a place where people say whatever grows their e dick. Doesnt matter what that thing is, only that it grows the e dick.
