All my life I’ve been led to believe that unattractive men will treat you better or are more genuine. Mainly movies like The Hunchback of Notre-Dame and many others where they depict a pretty girl with an unattractive male partner/protagonist where she falls in love with him because of the way he treats her.
Who would have said life is not like in movies? But for some reason we will still have this stereotype in mind.
The truth is I’ve been treated worse by guys who were unattractive in comparison to guys who are attractive. Specially when they make you feel bad about yourself which never happened to me with an attractive guy. They never made me feel unattractive or lesser than them.
Nerdy guys have been the worst in my experience, no flowers, no gentleman behavior or trying to be interested in your interests. Many awkward silences and only interacting with you for sex.
This is just a tendency, not a rule. Just never believe that someone’s appearance is related to their personality (even if it’s in a positive way).
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When you take Disney movies as a source to understand… anything really, you’re going to be disappointed.
Well it was just an example of a cultural stereotype.
To be honest, it’s not about looks, income or a gazillion other superficial things. It is about attachment style and how much work we’ve done to heal our own old wounds, regardless of who hurt us or whose fault it is.
Exactly, I’m not attractive either but I don’t think I’m a better person for it. Being good in a relationship is about being mature enough.
I agree and also I think that older people and attractive people have something in common - they have most likely had more practice being in relationships. My relationships have been much nicer and enjoyable since I got to my late 30s and older.
Not everyone wants to work on themselves though, and it’s important to try notice the signs early on in the dating process.
I think those movies were made to counteract the bias that ugly men are also ugly on the inside. But yeah, appearance isn’t a very good indicator of personality. I actually didn’t know this was a common belief, but I’m a man.
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Attractiveness is a boon (among other things, and even then it’s kinda low on the list, at least for guys), and the less you have of it the worse your life will be (everything else being equal, ofc) and the more you have to deal with emotionally, consequently. I don’t condone lashing out or just being an immature prick in a “hurt people hurt people” kinda way, but I understand it. 🤷
The myth that nerds are all wonderful people who are mis understood is just that, a myth.
I have known many nerds who are total assholes and treat people like shit. Is that because of how they were treated is how they learned to treat others? maybe. Thing is it doesn’t matter why someone is an asshole.
The other side of this is that when it comes to someone treating you right or treating you better is really almost all about how you define that.
Belief in physiognomy was a cultural fact for quite a long time, in one form or another.
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Physiognomy
It’s interesting that you think that’s what the message was though because it was saying the inverse, that ugly looks don’t determine an ugly character, or good looks a good character.
I would turn it around:
When a guy is very good looking on the outside, then there’s a good chance that he has never learned how to be nice (to a girl or to anybody), because he never needed any specific behaviour in his life.
