This is the best summary I could come up with:

I was watching the left-leaning propaganda display with a Welsh woman I’d accidentally started dating, and she asked if I had any Doritos, perhaps because she was hungry or wanted to crunch loudly over the commentary.

For the next six hours, we were sick again and again, locked in a double helix of distress and euphoric relief accompanied by the smell of wet wipes.

As a man with few equals, who can think on his feet while talking eloquently into a microphone, isn’t it time we heard you commentating on a Cup Final?

MarkAPLaughed at wife when face swelled up after bee sting(s); kicked pig; wasn’t great dad.

Remember: Norfolk is a big, flat pancake of a county with fewer public transport journeys available per head, as a percentage of mean population density, than anywhere in the UK.

And while this isn’t the place to get into the whole he-said-she-said of whether climate change is actually happening, what I will say is that while cars are demonised, other sources of greenhouse emissions get off scot-free.

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