Specifically, it occurs when the cows eat high volumes of clover or other nitrogen fixing plants (most legumes fall in to this category). Ruminants produce a lot of gas in their digestive process, because their stomachs are designed to ferment their food, allowing them to better access highly fibrous food sources like grass. Normally, they belch or fart the gas away, but in the case of nitrogen fixing clovers, they produce too much gas to be able to burp and fart away, and they end up with fatal bloating!
I remember learning this in school in rural Australia. The most amazing thing is that I still remember it :P
Stupid question, but could a similar thing happen to a human? I don’t belch/burp, and I can get insanely bloated. I should probably see a doctor to see if this is normal or if there’s a treatment, but it’s kind of embarrassing!
It might be a rare condition called RCPD where a muscle in your esophagus is too strong. The treatments are a shot of Botox to weaken the muscle, or getting it cut a little bit if Botox doesn’t work.
I have issues with it intermittently.
Holy shit this is 100% me! Holy shit it has a name!!! Thank you!!!
Not a doctor, and you should definitely talk to one before trying it, but I have found Eno to be remarkable in solving gaseous bloating.
Thank you!
But wouldn’t nitrogen lead to ammonia? Methane is ch4, with no nitrogen? Or does nitrogen fixing vegetation somehow induce other digestion paths?
yeah I think the extra ammonia and hydrogen gas emitted from the nitrogen fixation process fucks with the regular breakdown of sugars to make more CH4 instead of CO2.
The products of the nitrogen fixation make the environment inside the stomach less aerobic so you end up with the anaerobic breakdown of sugars.
Lmao they literally flare off the cow??
I appreciated the TIL by itself, but the video added a whole new dimension of “definitely, this is not what I was imagining”.
Thank you!
That cow is very slightly rocket powered.
deleted by creator
Removed by mod
I know I might get shit for this, but I thought I would share it anyways because you asked.
Ultimate Requirement for Ballistic Bovine
- Methane Production: ~2 kg/s sustained (400x natural rate).
- LOX Supply: 10 kg/s (requiring cryogenic tanker trucks).
- Thrust: > 7,000 N (per cow-nozzle).
- Structural Integrity: Cow reinforced with carbon nanotubes (to avoid rapid unplanned disassembly at ignition).
- Ignition System: Tesla Coil Spark Plug implanted in the rumen.
- Trajectory: Vertical launch pad (avoiding trees, barns, UFOs).
Final Verdict:
Technically possible if you:- Treat the cow as a meat-based fuselage.
- Ignore ethics, biology, physics, and local fire codes.
- Have a NASA-sized budget and a death wish.
Outcome:
- Success? A charred cow fragment reaches low Earth orbit.
- Failure? A crater smelling of burnt hair and rocket fuel.
- Better Use: Flare the methane. It’s cheaper, safer, and the cow lives.
Disclaimer: No cows were harmed in this thought experiment. Please do not weaponize livestock. 🚀🐄🔥
Achieving Ballistic Velocity (The Tsiolkovsky Cow Equation)
The **Rocket Equation** is brutal:
`Δv = Isp * g₀ * ln(m₀ / m_f)`
Where:
* `Δv` = Change in velocity needed (`11,186 m/s` for escape).
* `Isp` = Specific impulse (`~360 s` for CH4/LOX).
* `g₀` = Gravity (`9.81 m/s²`).
* `m₀` = Initial mass (cow + engines + LOX + methane).
* `m_f` = Final mass (just… cooked cow?).
**Assumptions:**
* Engine mass: `300 kg` (mini-Raptor).
* LOX mass: **5x** methane mass (rocket ratio).
* Methane stored: `500 kg` (we’re pumping hard).
* `m₀ = 700 (cow) + 300 (engine) + 500 (CH₄) + 2,500 (LOX) = 4,000 kg`.
* `m_f = 700 kg` (cow, assuming engines/tanks detach).
**Calculation:**
`Δv = 360 * 9.81 * ln(4,000 / 700)`
`= 3,531.6 * ln(5.71)`
`= 3,531.6 * 1.74`
`= ~6,150 m/s`.
**Result:** **6,150 m/s < 11,186 m/s**.
→ **Verdict:** Suborbital cow. Maximum apogee: **~1,000 km** (a very high moo).
→ **Impact Velocity:** **~3-4 km/s** (kinetic energy = 0.5 * 700kg * (3,500m/s)^2 ≈ **4.3 gigajoules**).
→ **Effect:** Creates a **10m wide crater**, vaporizing the cow and any nearby farmers. A true “pasture bomb.”
*raises hand* this is assuming a spherical cow, right?
Why did I study all this shit if in the end I am still broke af
Because everyone is broke af
Because you aren’t making cow propelled rockets even though you know how.
You missed out the part where cows are frictionless and spherical. Also there are 322 of them in the truck.
This seems much less than 2kg/s and where do you get liquid oxygen from?
Spoken like a true redditor
thats a nice clean blue flame, looks like a burner on a gas stove
Since it comes out my butt, is it MEthane or BUTTane?
Probably profane propane
Randy Bobandy would approve
Whatever. Taste the meat, not the heat!
Ignoring the gigantic needle piercing its body, that pressure relief must feel amazing
It feels barely nothing for cows. A typical “syringe” for them looks like a freaking gun
I can’t read pixelese, but I think that’s an insemination device, not a syringe.
That’s one of my pickup lines!
What on earth is that for? I’ve injected a lot of cattle with vaccines/antibiotics in a former life and never saw a needle this size. Unless it’s something requiring a vet maybe?
Cutting out the middle man to light your farts on fire.
Oh, neat! Message received: if I eat enough beans, I can be my own creme brulee torch!
Won’t it get really hot after a while?
Wow, that would explain the mutilated cows that people think are aliens. Like lightning striking an explosive cow and boom ground beef.
Doesn’t take a lightning strike. A cow dead for long enough may explode due to gas buildup. Conspiracy people gonna conspiracy tho
Also whales do that too. It’s not uncommon if you live by the shore
Sometimes they need some help.
So its… kinda like a tracheotomy, but for your gut, so… gastrotomy?
Ah, ‘gastrostomy’.
A medically necessary, emergency fart valve.
Amazing.
Pericentesis is probably a closer analogue.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Paracentesis
Do you mean this?
Either way, TIL!
Though, if I am understanding this right, paracentesis typically is targetted at… some kind of fluid build up basically outside of the actual gastrointestinal tract, in the paracenteal cavity, the space between your abdominal muscles and organs…
… the procedure does seem to outwardly more resemble this cow fart valve in appearence, but it doesn’t actually directly pierce, go into the intenstine directly.
G (I’m no veterinarian but I’d guess you’d number which stomach it’s going into since G means gastric) tube?
You just know there’s some old vet that systematically lights up his cig on this every time he does it, all casual
Gee I somehow thought somebody shot a lil jet propelled blow dart lol
I ate so much I feel like I need this fr
Pro tip: don’t close the wound after the incident, install a valve, hose, and flamethrower nozzle.
Hey Angus, why is Hettie on fire?
Oh she just walked past Bessie.
Best to give Bessie a wide birth ey Angus.
That’s right Maggie, when you see Bessie coming you better MOOOOOOve over.
Oh nice one Angus.
Thanks maggs that’s why they call me the cow-median.
Udder genius.
It’s half and half tbh
