We do have a mutual promise that we don’t restrict what the other watch, especially over porn. But at this rate and under this political climate it worries me when all he watches is J. Peterson and Asm*ngold.
Recently, he’s planning to ditch his 9-5 to get into streaming. I understand following your dreams instead of working hard to make some capitalists rich but streaming has become oversaturated as hell. With Twitch being a cesspool and Kick being the place where troublemakers have free reign, I worry he will get involved with the wrong crowd.
To top it off, he keeps talking about women having to do the same work as men do in the name of equality, to which I agree. But when I question how he is going to do his fair share of responsibilities if he gets nothing from streaming, he suggests me being the breadwinner until he makes it big. This is the same man who said men paying for women’s education is a dumb move because she would end up leaving him in the end.
I feel like he is just using me for sex and a future financial support. Is there anything I can even do to tell him what he’s been doing is really concerning to me?
Something I don’t see others commenting on is the agreement not to question each other’s viewing choices.
To me, the fact that this had to be discussed, and there is an insistence there are zero restrictions/conversations allowed, tells me they always planned to watch unsavoury things they knew you wouldn’t agree with, and wanted to have grounds to shut down future conversation about it.
You’re absolutely right. I got so distracted by the violently waving red flags I missed the one that was just steadily blowing lol.
Like others said, lots of red flags.
Also no reason to quit the 9-5 to get into streaming. You do that shit after work until you actually have a following.
Oh honey get the fuck out now, that’s not a man, that’s a time bomb.
He doesn’t see you as a sapient person, he sees you as a fickle object he must appease just enough so he can get what he wants from you. Because of that, there isn’t anything you can say that will help him today.
The break up won’t be pretty, but you’ll be so much happier with someone else in the long term.
Massive red flags all around. At this point it sounds like he’s fully “in the hole”, so to speak.
You could try to address the issue, but to be honest I don’t see it doing anything productive. He sounds pretty toxic and you can’t force people to become better… They have to want it themselves.
If you do try to address the issue with him, the important thing is to not allow yourself to get bogged down with misogynistic, manipulative bullshit. If he is dismissive of your concerns and won’t engage in a constructive conversation with you, then there’s not a lot you can do and you should move on.
The vast majority of people who try to get into streaming don’t make it. A lot of it is pure luck even if you’re doing all the right things.
I’ve seen many great streamers fail because they didn’t attract large enough numbers to be sustainable even though they were doing all the right stuff.
Anyone serious about being a successful streamer will keep their day job until the point where streaming is self sustainable, which can literally take years of grinding. This guy doesn’t know shit about streaming or how to get there. How he’s going about it is a recipe for failure. And then he expects to use you to keep himself from becoming homeless if it doesn’t work out, which it most likely won’t.
Run.
The content he’s consuming is worrying, but that subjective so I’ll set that aside for now.
Recently, he’s planning to ditch his 9-5 to get into streaming.
If you are a couple in a committed long term relationship, these kind of decisions need to be decided and agreed on together, not unilaterally.
But when I question how he is going to do his fair share of responsibilities if he gets nothing from streaming, he suggests me being the breadwinner until he makes it big.
Again, you would have to consent to this. He can’t just decide for you. Any change in career/income path like this even for a reasonable new direction should have a solid plan. That plan should be enumerated with clear milestone targets and dates and not “until he makes it big”.
This is the same man who said men paying for women’s education is a dumb move because she would end up leaving him in the end.
All of us choose our mates based upon our own personal criteria. Personally were I a woman, this misogynistic statement right here would have been enough to disqualify him from being anyone I would want to be in a relationship with.
Run the fuck away. Girl, he’s already hurting you and he’s gonna hurt you far worse if you don’t leave now. Run as far away as you can.
Red flags galore. Make sure you have an escape plan
The manosphere stuff is a red flag.
The plan to quit his day job without concrete plans to support himself is a red flag.
The casual misogyny is a red flag.
Is there anything I can even do to tell him
Yes, you can tell him. Based on what you’ve written here, I wouldn’t have high hopes that he’ll listen. In fact, I would brace for retaliation and gaslighting. Getting outside opinions will help keep you from being manipulated.
When you get into a relationship with someone, you’re actually getting into a relationship with three people: the person you think they are, the person they actually are, and the person they will become. It sucks, but if you find that the latter two don’t align with the first one, you need to prepare to move on.
Why bother? Crazy how many people want to bend over backwards for some dipshit trying to maintain white supremacy. Fucking bounce.
This is the same man who said men paying for women’s education is a dumb move because she would end up leaving him in the end.
This sentence alone is reason to seriously question the relationship. He’s saying that keeping women dumb is the only way to keep them reliant on men. Think about it: are there any admirable people/organizations who think this way?
If he has self-esteem issues, that’s unfortunate, but it’s not your job to fix them. Please don’t burn yourself out trying. It won’t work, because changing yourself takes hard work, and why should he do something hard when he’s already getting what he wants from you?
I feel like he is just using me for sex and a future financial support.
Trust your feelings. Ditch the manchild and find someone deserving. You are worth it.
You are getting lots of advice to dump him right away which i can see with lots of red flags here. The constant J Peterson and misogyn are both large red flags that needs to be addressed. Presumably you live together since you talk about shared finances. If you went on one date with this guy I would say run but since you have been together for longer you might want to stay a little longer. This depends on if this behavior seems out of character for him based on your history together.
I would suggest you talk with him about you concerns about quitting his job maybe with a couples therapist. He seems like he is miserable and doing anything to change that up but quitting a job to do streaming full time is not a great idea. Talk about how you want to find something that brings him joy in his career and will support him as he finds a realistic way to do so. This may be keeping his current job while start streaming on the regular or find a new job or new hobby / side hustle.
I do think he might need therapy to talk about these feelings with someone else. The Manosphere attracts unhappy men with no / little support. He might need more from a therapist ( maybe a male one) to talk this through. These seem like signs of a desperate for a change man.
Dude here: this one is a bad egg. Ditch him for a better one.
Don’t even worry about a better one. Living alone is infinitely preferable to dealing with his bullshit. It sounds like OP has a stable job so she can provide for herself. So do that and maybe you’ll find a sane man later but holy hell OP get out yesterday.
Alternatively, for amusement you can encourage his streaming career then ghost like 2 weeks into it and let him deal with the fallout of being a piece of shit, but that’s gonna cost you even more sanity sticking around longer. Yeah just run.
Fellow dude here to confirm, cut him loose
Based on the fact that he’s repeating JP and wants to make it in streaming, there is a huge chance he will get picked up by some right wing media group.
TBH tho, this guy is a parade field of red flags. The idea of quitting your job to take a shot at being famous is such a bad idea it’s a sitcome/romcom trope. That’s like seeing Jobs, Gates, etc being successful and thinking you should drop out of college because they did. Like more logic needs to go into that decision than just “it worked for them so I should do it”.
I think you need to have a serious talk about misogyny, the manosphere, and his business plan. If he’s going to quit his job and use you as a bank for this then i think he should do research and propose his business plan to you. Id make sure the business plan covers how how long until he can expect to make money and how much that could be (with sources).
It’s one thing to be a supportive partner, it’s another thing to bankroll someone who has in the past eluded to that they wouldn’t do the same (education).
I think there’s enough here to warrant leaving him outright. At the very least if the serious talk is unsatisfactory then leave him.