Hi those from all! We’re a women’s only community, men we appreciate your interest but please do not comment 😊

  • LeninsOvaries@lemmy.cafeEnglish
    84·
    13 hours ago

    I’m worried your post body could make trans men (ftm) feel unwelcome here. Rule 1 is that anyone under the trans umbrella is welcome, so you should probably be careful about language that either excludes trans men, or implies they’re not real men.

    • jsomae@lemmy.ml
      2·
      3 hours ago

      Rule 1 says “any woman-identified person” is welcome here – can you explain how this includes trans men? But I could see bigender people feeling unwelcome from “men … please do not comment” and that’d be bad.

      Edit: nvm, just realized that rule 1 was changed.

      • dandelion@lemmy.blahaj.zoneMEnglish
        2·
        3 hours ago

        I know it can be hard to understand, but trans men sometimes remain members of lesbian and women communities even after transition and may even struggle with their identity this way. Reading Stone Butch Blues might provide some insight, as Leslie Feinberg was precisely one of those trans men who struggled with giving up their identity as a lesbian, and detransitioned and remained on that fuzzy line between man and lesbian.

        This space isn’t here to exclude women like that, even if they are men. They have lived experience as women, they live as women, they might identify as women, and so on.

        Binary trans men who don’t feel the need to continue identifying as women and who no longer have lived experience as women may see themselves as men and not participate based on that rule, but it’s not because they are trans but because they are men who do not feel a need to identify and remain in a community of women.

        Bigender people and nonbinary people who identify as women are likewise free to post and comment here. The rule is meant to create a safe space for women, and we believe people who identify and live as women do not contradict this.

        • jsomae@lemmy.ml
          1·
          3 hours ago

          The rules should be updated to include trans-men then, I think – the rule seems very clearly worded to exclude trans men.

          • dandelion@lemmy.blahaj.zoneMEnglish
            3·
            3 hours ago

            Any woman-identified person under the trans umbrella (e.g. non-binary, bigender, agender) is welcome.

            ^ this wording of the rule includes trans men who still identify as women. To be honest it hasn’t been a problem, the rules are worded to allow them to choose whether they identify still as women or not and whether to participate here. Binary trans men who don’t identify as women are men, and we would handle that on a case-by-case basis depending on the context. (Trans experiences and identities are complicated. If a trans man feels the need to discuss their life before transition when they lived as a woman, we aren’t going to prevent them from commenting, this is largely a space for people who are treated as women in society afterall.)

            To be honest the rule is mostly applied to cis men who ignore the rules and frequently comment here and sometimes get aggressive. We don’t tolerate transphobia and are not trans-exclusive.

            • jsomae@lemmy.ml
              1·
              3 hours ago

              Fair enough. I’m not trans so I can’t really say whether or not it makes sense. Just surprised me.

      • LeninsOvaries@lemmy.cafeEnglish
        53·
        11 hours ago

        Ah. Well, I’m no longer welcome according to the rules as I’m agender, but before I go I should warn you that you could also make bigender people feel unwelcome. I have a friend who’s a man and a woman at the same time.

          • LeninsOvaries@lemmy.cafeEnglish
            34·
            11 hours ago

            Right, but your post here says men aren’t welcome, and some trans women are also trans men. Gender isn’t a binary, it comes in infinite combinations.

            • dandelion@lemmy.blahaj.zoneM
              5·
              3 hours ago

              bigender and agender people who identify or live as women are permitted to post here. This space is intended to be a women-only space, not a transphobic or gatekeeping one. Cis men and binary trans men who don’t identify as women are not women and don’t belong. Bigender people who are men and women are welcome if they choose.

  • Bunbury@feddit.nlEnglish
    11·
    17 hours ago

    Off of the top of my head:

    • Makeup,
    • (Some types of ) clothing,
    • the diet industry - not saying hating your body is the only reason for a diet, but I suspect it’s 50-80% of the industry anyway
    • some parts of workout industry
    • some types of self-help books
    • cosmetic surgery
  • Mouselemming@sh.itjust.works
    32·
    22 hours ago

    I worked in a gift shop, one thing we sold was lotions/creams and had testers on the counter. Then one day the boss brought in some magnifying mirrors, 3x on one side and 10x on the other. We set up one on the counter. Every woman looked into that 10x mirror and their face fell. Then they’d sigh and grab a tester and pat cream into their face. We sold a lot of cream and lotion, and all the mirrors! But I hated it. I was glad when they were gone, because I didn’t like having a bunch of depressed customers. And I certainly didn’t want to keep catching glimpses of my own face in there! Every tiny crevice looked enormous, like I was 100 years old.

    • 🇨🇦🇩🇪🇨🇳张殿李🇨🇳🇩🇪🇨🇦@ttrpg.network
      63·
      17 hours ago

      The story behind pockets and women’s clothing is actually kind of funny. (Not “pockets” in the old sense either, of a belted pouch.)

      Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay back when, only the noble women could have dresses. Now at that time, nobility weren’t the spoiled pampered things we have as a picture of them nowadays. Most had only very recently become nobles, and usually by force and violence. They were barely this side of pirates and brigands really. And they were super-practical.

      So even the gowns and dresses of what amounts to medieval new landers had pockets. They were just concealed for the looks, so a casual observer didn’t see them.

      As the merchant class rose and started wanting to be treated like nobles, they started to “ape their betters” in dress and language and such. But, here’s the thing, the clothing? That was copied from observation. And the noblewomens gowns didn’t have visible pockets so the new mercantile class assumed they didn’t have pockets at all and started making all women’s clothing without pockets.

      And thus we have today’s ludicrous world: a bunch of nouveau riche aping the look of the class they so wanted to become part of have given us a world where women don’t have pockets.

  • phoenixarise@lemmy.world
    141·
    20 hours ago

    I can believe this. Once I started appreciating myself, I didn’t need to buy so many potions, makeup, or any other weird thing that men think we need.

    • Maeve@kbin.earth
      16·
      23 hours ago

      I want to add, there’s no reason not to indulge in reasonable self-care, and everyone should be able to, within their means. No one should be unable. The skin is the largest body organ and our first barrier defense against illness and infection.

      That said, we also need to take responsibility for our own ability to love ourselves, even if that means saying we love us until we get it. Because this isn’t new, and we do often do it to ourselves, probably because of no small degree of conditioning. I watched a short (~40 minutes?) doco on Elizabeth I, she had a sweet tooth, a fear of dentists (who wouldn’t, in those days?), and so rotten teeth. Because of the (not altogether true) hype of poets and paramours (which is a whole other ball of wax), women with perfectly (?!) good teeth began to blacken their teeth, to imitate Elizabeth.

      TL;dr Our wounding isn’t always our fault; our healing is our responsibility.

      • 🇨🇦🇩🇪🇨🇳张殿李🇨🇳🇩🇪🇨🇦@ttrpg.network
        8·
        21 hours ago

        Here’s how my healing has gone down.

        1. I don’t shave. Period. We have hair for a reason and cutting it off with blades that can (and do) nick the skin, or pulling it painfully out by its roots, or dissolving it away with hazardous chemicals is not good for us at any level.
        2. I don’t use makeup. (Well, OK, not entirely true. For very special events I might hazard some lipstick.) Most makeup clogs pores and makes the skin actively unhealthy. In response to this we’re meant to use a whole bunch of chemicals of dubious provenance to clean it off our skin?
        3. I clean with just soap (yes, even my hair). Unperfumed soup. In my case I use Aleppo soap or a goat milk soap from Xinjiang. There are no perfumes, no harsh chemicals (like the laurel sulfates at the core of most shampoos, body washes, hand cleaners, etc.).
        4. I don’t use commercial deodorants. I have a spray bottle (like the kind for misting leaves in a garden) 500ml in size into which I drop 1-2 teaspoons of alum powder and fill the rest with water. It lasts all day, typically, though on a really rough day I might have to apply it a second time. (I have a small sprayer at work for those rare occurrences.) It is a bit pricey, though. The last batch I bought cost about twenty-five bucks. After two years I’ve used up 20% or so of it…
        5. I wash with the hottest water I can stand to clean out pores. (No need for harsh chemicals if you melt the sebum that traps dirt away.) Then I rinse with the coldest water I can stand. That cold water rinse takes getting used to, but it’s enervating and it somehow aids (I’ve had it explained to me but couldn’t follow along) in moisturizing.
        6. On a very dry day I may use a neutral moisturizer (no perfumes) with a hint of petroleum jelly to help seal it in.

        The result of all this is:

        1. I feel better and look better.
        2. I save a whole lot of money.
        3. I save a whole lot of time.
        4. I stop stressing about what I look like to other people; let them judge away. It’s a case of mind over matter: I don’t mind, they don’t matter.
        • Maeve@kbin.earth
          5·
          20 hours ago

          Sounds great. I still shave in summer, but that’s because it’s cooler. Our fur should thin, in hot weather. ;) I’ve switched to shea moisture soap but I like the goat milk when I can get it. I mostly use the “no poo” method for my hair, sometimes with a little honey in the acv rinse, sometimes I use Shea Moisture conditioner, but I mostly do coconut oil with a “do rag” for a deeper conditioning.

          No makeup. Occasional moisturizer, non-petrol. Witch hazel and mud mask for pores, sometimes steam with coconut oil for deep moisture.

          Mineral salt in water for d/o. I’ll have to try the alum and other tips you mentioned. Thanks so much!

      • altkey@lemmy.dbzer0.comEnglish
        5·
        17 hours ago

        (some dude comments:) I’ve seen your posts in my feed a couple of times already, and I’m positively surprised there’re not many troublemakers who get stirred wrong by someone asking for a safe space. The big reminder that it’s a comm for women is, sadly, a goog idea for now on. Lemmy doesn’t yet have a functionality to flag it like this, only to make a privated space with user vetting, that won’t fly as high as an open community with posts in lemmy’s Hot. Anyway, cheers, and please go on.

        • Lady Butterfly @lazysoci.alOPMEnglish
          8·
          15 hours ago

          Thanks for your support! We’re managing it for now, supportive men just get politely asked to not post again, troublemakers get banned. The nice thing is so many men have been really, really supportive of us which we really appreciate

      • Lady Butterfly @lazysoci.alOPMEnglish
        81·
        1 day ago

        Hey driving_crooner (love the name) just fyi we’re a women’s only group so please don’t comment again 😊

  • SharkEatingBreakfast@sopuli.xyz
    28·
    24 hours ago

    The more “ugly” and “fat” they can make you feel, the more money they can snatch from you!

    And they very quickly change the beauty standard goal posts.

    It’s a never-ending carousel of horror! 🎠🔥