You are not wrong. But trans folks can be a lot more sensitive around language use sometimes. Misgendering ranges anywhere from annoying to hurtful to being an actual verbal attack. So their skin is often less thick for gendered language.
It’s like in a romance language. If it’s mixed genders, then no, but if it’s only women, then yes. If I’m in a mixed group of friends, “You guys” is totally fine, but if I’m solely with my transfem friends and someone says “You guys” to us, it feels tone deaf at best and like pretty blatant misgendering at worst.
I get this when we’re at restaurants sometimes and it’s pretty clear when the waitstaff are being rude. Table of all cis women next to us? “Can I get you girls anything else?” Our table of transwomen clearly presenting femme? “Can I get you guys anything else?” kinda sucks.
Unironically, “Y’all” has become a significant part of my vernacular when talking to groups of people, but especially around my queer peeps because it covers every possible option, including those outside the gender binary.
As a general rule, don’t use language someone asks you not to use.
Even better, rather than thinking about specific actions, just try to treat everyone with genuine respect. If you commit a faux pas, learn from it, chuckle at yourself, and move on. 😊
You are not wrong. But trans folks can be a lot more sensitive around language use sometimes. Misgendering ranges anywhere from annoying to hurtful to being an actual verbal attack. So their skin is often less thick for gendered language.
is using gender-neutral masculine terms like “guys” misgendering?
It’s like in a romance language. If it’s mixed genders, then no, but if it’s only women, then yes. If I’m in a mixed group of friends, “You guys” is totally fine, but if I’m solely with my transfem friends and someone says “You guys” to us, it feels tone deaf at best and like pretty blatant misgendering at worst.
I get this when we’re at restaurants sometimes and it’s pretty clear when the waitstaff are being rude. Table of all cis women next to us? “Can I get you girls anything else?” Our table of transwomen clearly presenting femme? “Can I get you guys anything else?” kinda sucks.
Unironically, “Y’all” has become a significant part of my vernacular when talking to groups of people, but especially around my queer peeps because it covers every possible option, including those outside the gender binary.
As a general rule, don’t use language someone asks you not to use.
Even better, rather than thinking about specific actions, just try to treat everyone with genuine respect. If you commit a faux pas, learn from it, chuckle at yourself, and move on. 😊
It can be. Depends on the person
It can be depending on the person. My general advice is to just use gender neutral terms like “folk” or something.