A long time ago, I worked for a dude that was a royal prick. But he was funny sometimes, and he told me about a pickup line he had used successfully. It sounded like bullshit but it was funny bullshit, so exaggerated that nobody would ever go for it, or even think you were serious in the first place.
I’m getting to it, but I rarely tell this story, and I’m old and bored, so I’m taking mt damn time.
So, a few years later, I’m out at a party. One of those friend-of-a-friend deals where I don’t really know anyone at all, but we know of each other in general through the network of mutual connections. So, not totally random people, but it was a big enough party that very few people knew more than a few others.
I’m shooting the bull, making some bank with my favorite party bets, which tend to draw a crowd. A little while of that, and I’ve got a pocket full of cash, a new camera, and a bottle of bourbon.
Now, I’m not a drinker. A quart of bourbon will last me years, assuming I don’t give it to friends. But you win a fifty dollar bottle (back in the nineties before bourbon got super crazy), it’s a good idea to open it and share it with the guy you won it from and the rest of the crowd. But I had two fingers worth, and I’m a lightweight because I’m not a regular drinker.
So, as I’m sipping along and enjoying the vibe, a lady comes up and asks my name.
That pickup line popped in my head, and came out of my mouth before the booze would let me think.
I said, “I’m real name, I’m from my town, I like peanut butter, and I like to fuck, how about you?”
And holy hell, the words came out and my balls drew up because they thought they were getting kicked.
But, nope, I was lucky. Her response was “at the same time? I guess I’ll try anything once.”
And it was on. A perfect storm of two slightly tipsy, utterly absurd people mutually attracted to each other.
And yes, we borrowed some peanut butter from the host and gave it a shot. Just gonna say, it’s okay on boobs, but I would not recommend it anywhere else, and if you value long felatio sessions, do not let anyone try it that way. Let’s just say choking hazard and leave it at that.
This did embolden me to try the line a few more times over the years, when I thought that someone might appreciate the absurdity of it.
I’m not saying it’s a great line to use, it isn’t. I am saying that when it works, it works very well. I’m also saying that if you’re going to try it, be quick on the dodge, because you’d be amazed how fast a drink or slap can reach you if you read the room wrong.
What you want for long, sloppy blowjobs are Flintts Mints. They have a chemical that makes your mouth water like crazy. They use it on swabs for people who can’t produce saliva. I use one when weed gives me dry mkuth. It’ll make her drool everywhere.
Okay people, remember that this was asked for.
A long time ago, I worked for a dude that was a royal prick. But he was funny sometimes, and he told me about a pickup line he had used successfully. It sounded like bullshit but it was funny bullshit, so exaggerated that nobody would ever go for it, or even think you were serious in the first place.
I’m getting to it, but I rarely tell this story, and I’m old and bored, so I’m taking mt damn time.
So, a few years later, I’m out at a party. One of those friend-of-a-friend deals where I don’t really know anyone at all, but we know of each other in general through the network of mutual connections. So, not totally random people, but it was a big enough party that very few people knew more than a few others.
I’m shooting the bull, making some bank with my favorite party bets, which tend to draw a crowd. A little while of that, and I’ve got a pocket full of cash, a new camera, and a bottle of bourbon.
Now, I’m not a drinker. A quart of bourbon will last me years, assuming I don’t give it to friends. But you win a fifty dollar bottle (back in the nineties before bourbon got super crazy), it’s a good idea to open it and share it with the guy you won it from and the rest of the crowd. But I had two fingers worth, and I’m a lightweight because I’m not a regular drinker.
So, as I’m sipping along and enjoying the vibe, a lady comes up and asks my name.
That pickup line popped in my head, and came out of my mouth before the booze would let me think.
I said, “I’m real name, I’m from my town, I like peanut butter, and I like to fuck, how about you?”
And holy hell, the words came out and my balls drew up because they thought they were getting kicked.
But, nope, I was lucky. Her response was “at the same time? I guess I’ll try anything once.”
And it was on. A perfect storm of two slightly tipsy, utterly absurd people mutually attracted to each other.
And yes, we borrowed some peanut butter from the host and gave it a shot. Just gonna say, it’s okay on boobs, but I would not recommend it anywhere else, and if you value long felatio sessions, do not let anyone try it that way. Let’s just say choking hazard and leave it at that.
This did embolden me to try the line a few more times over the years, when I thought that someone might appreciate the absurdity of it.
I’m not saying it’s a great line to use, it isn’t. I am saying that when it works, it works very well. I’m also saying that if you’re going to try it, be quick on the dodge, because you’d be amazed how fast a drink or slap can reach you if you read the room wrong.
What you want for long, sloppy blowjobs are Flintts Mints. They have a chemical that makes your mouth water like crazy. They use it on swabs for people who can’t produce saliva. I use one when weed gives me dry mkuth. It’ll make her drool everywhere.
Nice :)
Well, at least I got a good chuckle out of it.