If I mention my friend’s boyfriend once, I’m obsessed with her dating life.
If I send a “gotta go” text to someone, which takes a few seconds, I’m suddenly wasting time and always on my phone.
If I calmly tell my grandma that her statement is not true, she says I’m easily offended and being a snowflake.
If I say the name of a TV show, they think I’m unhealthily obsessed with it.
I’m yelled at if I’m not the ideal, quiet girl. Is this normal? How can I let them get to know me like they want to do?
Check out Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents
In short, some family members are just assholes. It’s up to you to determine your level of involvement in their lives (and vice versa). You can choose any level you wish, but observe which levels benefit you. The levels that benefit your family my be hurtful to you.
Best of luck
If you are from eastern Mass, this is normal. Elsewise, no.
Tysm
I believe this is your second post about this. I’m truly sorry you’re dealing with this and, I assume, unable to extricate yourself at this time.
It sounds to me like you’re dealing with abusive people, particularly your grandmother. I do not say this to be judgemental. It is simply a fact based on the effect this behavior has on you and the disregard shown to your well-being. This behavior may not be intentional, but that is irrelevant.
Unfortunately, there is nothing you can do to control their behavior. I know that it is unpleasant to hear, but acceptance of this fact will bring peace in the long run.
What you can do is control your response to these behaviors and how you allow them to affect you emotionally.
I’m in no means a professional or perfect person, but I can outline what I’ve adopted to help myself with these scenarios.
- To reiterate, your feelings are valid and acceptable.
You do not need to apologize.
- You can trust your own perception and senses.
Every person has intuition. This intuition is born of your collective experience. What you know to be true. It is so true that your brain does not bring it into consciousness. This is why you often can’t explain it in the moment.
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While it isn’t for everyone, I recommend at least attempting a mindfulness practice. This can help you adopt these thoughts, as well as address your own emotional state.
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While your reaction is not unwarranted, it is unproductive.
Essentially, even if it is not a conscious effort, people who behave the way you’re describing are seeking a reaction. The more emotional the reaction, the more the individual feeds off the interaction. Understand that emotion can be anything from anger/rage to distraught/defeated. While it is valid to feel this way, you do not have to share your emotions with emotionally unsafe people. Further, not reacting with emotion does not mean you can not stand up for yourself. Practice being firm, direct, clear, and not entertaining excuses.
- Space is important and invaluable.
If you’re able, give yourself distance from these individuals. While you may not be able to completely remove yourself from their presence, minimizing your time interacting with them will greatly improve your ability to see their behavior for what it is, as well as improve your mood and self-worth.
- Seek relationships outside this(these) individual(s) and their enabler(s).
Finding people who accept you and provide a safe, comfortable, and nurturing relationship will further help you along your journey.
- Most importantly, you are worthy of love and deserve understanding.
I wish you the best, truly. I’ve been in a similar place, and it can be a haul. Remember that nothing happens overnight, so give yourself grace. All progress is a win.