Non only sexual, just ridiculous, hilarious and cringe positions where if someone saw you, they were more than justified in thinking the worst situation.
I was in a tiny crowded restaurant with one bathroom and needed to wash my hands. Whoever was in there before me nuked the whole site from orbit and it smelled like death. I hold my breath and quickly exit right into a woman waiting who immediately gets a face full of it and looks at me in complete horror. I start explaining it wasn’t me but she has no reason to believe me and obviously doesn’t. We’re both regulars there so I keep running into her afterwards until I eventually moved away.
“Moved away” the only appropriate reaction in this case.
That smell never went away
I’m a man. Staying with my wife at mt sister’s flat while touring her city. Sister had 3 roommates. Went out and enjoyed the nightlife. Went to the bathroom in the dark at whatever o’clock and on my way back to our bedroom I went into the wrong door, and was in one of the sister’s roomates rooms. Got super confused and couldn’t find the door to the hallway again because there was all this kitch on the wall and I kept trying to find the door handle. Woman in the room was sleeping but she had a little dog that was growling and yipping at me, I was mortified at the thought of the woman waking up from the dog and asking wtf I was doing in her room so I just sat down against the wall and tried to find the door handle in the dark. Couldn’t do it. Dog kept yipping louder. Woman yelling dog to shut up. Her boyfriend called and they had a quick conversation in the dark, he was drunk. This went on for about 15 minutes before she finally turned on the lamp next to her bed and found me, arms around my knees, rocking against the wall waiting for the inevitable explosion and freakout. She couldn’t have been nicer and I left. We had a great laugh about it the next day when I apologized profusely over breakfast.
I can’t imagine what 90% of people let alone 99.9% of women would have done in that situation but I appreciated how she handled it. Definitely top 5 “don’t forget you did this” moment my brain pulls up from time to time in mortification.
Reminds me of one time I was visiting my wife’s (then girlfriend’s) friends. I had a little too much whiskey and when that happens I sometimes sleepwalk. Apparently I got up to go to the bathroom, went into the primary’s bathroom instead of the hallway one, peed in their toilet (oh thank god I went in the toilet), and then proceeded to attempt to get into bed with my wife’s friend and his girlfriend.
I awoke in an extremely confused state to the friend patting me on the back saying “come on buddy, let’s get you to bed”. We still laugh about it; that friend ended up being the officiant at our wedding! He gracefully left that story out of the ceremony.
I bought a convertible car that was completely ditched once. The canvas roof was in such a state that it consisted mostly of black bags and duct tape.
I ring a friend and ask him what he’s doing and if he wants to go for a drive in said car.
He said he’s too busy 'cause he has a bunch of jobs to apply to and wants to spend the day handing out his CV. I say that’s a perfect excuse to drive the new car round.
Get to his house and show him the car and we decide we should drive round with the top down because it’s sunny. The top is made of duct tape and bin liners though, so we grab a kitchen knife each and set to work on getting it off.
First place he wants to go is a job for a theatre tech. We drive over to the next town and I pull up and he runs in with just his CV and leaves all his possessions (coat, phone, wallet, etc) in the car.
Unbeknownst to me, the guy he handed his CV to gave him a tour and a bit of an interview on the spot so I’d be stuck there for an hour in the same parking space.
Also unbeknownst to me, the theatre was at a high school so I’m now suddenly surrounded by kids leaving at the end of the school day.
It’s awkward enough that I’m a guy in my late 20s parked outside a school in a convertible, but it took me a few minutes to realise that all the staring I was recieving from the kids was because the back seat was covered in black bags and duct tape held down with the two biggest knives I could find in my kitchen.
The police even came and I was hoping they would stop so I could explain but they just kept driving past me at walking speed.
At the checkout counter with four six-packs of specialty beer, a 16-ounce tube of KY jelly, and a quart of hand sanitizer. Nothing else, just those items.
I have red hair and my wife has me pickup her red hair dye every so often.
“Gotta re-up!”
wink
I feel like 75% of my life has been “It’s not what it looks like!” moments.
The other 25%, it was exactly what it looked like.
Several times, though the grand majority of them are the first type. As an asexual, I’m one of the last people I might otherwise expect others to suspect of “mentally going into the gutter”, but I’m told that, for the same reason (and maybe due to neurodivergence and not speaking native English), some of what I say comes off like the asexual’s equivalent of a colorblind person inadvertently selecting unmatching colors, as in I say things I didn’t know implied something adult. Ironically it’s never the authority figures who could easily punish me for being socially clumsy who jump to the wrong conclusions about what I intend to say, it’s always the other regular people who think they know better, and a few examples of these have followed me for years without the option to explain myself or conversely apologize. For pre-existing reasons, some people just want my head.
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A number of times. One of the most memorable to me was when it really wasn’t what it looked like. Case in point
