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How would you hide the body of a 165 Ib, 78 year-old white male who is approximately 6 feet tall?

Upvoted by screenshoter. No shown score.

  • @edgemaster72@lemmy.world
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    902 months ago

    Apparently the best thing to do is cut up a corpse into six pieces and pile it all together. And when you got your six pieces, you gotta get rid of them, because it’s no good leaving it in the deep freeze for your mum to discover, now is it? Then I hear the best thing to do is feed them to pigs. You got to starve the pigs for a few days, then the sight of a chopped-up body will look like curry to a pisshead.

    You gotta shave the heads of your victims, and pull the teeth out for the sake of the piggies’ digestion. You could do this afterwards, of course, but you don’t want to go sievin’ through pig shit, now do you? They will go through bone like butter. You need at least sixteen pigs to finish the job in one sitting, so be wary of any man who keeps a pig farm.

    They will go through a body that weighs 200 pounds in about eight minutes. That means that a single pig can consume two pounds of uncooked flesh every minute. Hence the expression, “as greedy as a pig”.

  • Fuck spez
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    592 months ago

    You’re always gonna have problems lifting a body in one piece. Apparently the best thing to do is cut up a corpse into six pieces and pile it all together. And when you got your six pieces, you gotta get rid of them, because it’s no good leaving it in the deep freeze for your mum to discover, now is it? Then I hear the best thing to do is feed them to pigs. You got to starve the pigs for a few days, then the sight of a chopped-up body will look like curry to a pisshead. You gotta shave the heads of your victims, and pull the teeth out for the sake of the piggies’ digestion. You could do this afterwards, of course, but you don’t want to go sievin’ through pig shit, now do you? They will go through bone like butter. You need at least sixteen pigs to finish the job in one sitting, so be wary of any man who keeps a pig farm. They will go through a body that weighs 200 pounds in about eight minutes. That means that a single pig can consume two pounds of uncooked flesh every minute. Hence the expression, “as greedy as a pig”.

  • Batman
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    302 months ago

    Very obvious…You hide the body at the cemetery

    • atlas
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      132 months ago

      wait I’ve never thought about this

  • @mwproductions@lemmy.world
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    232 months ago

    IIRC from last time, someone on Reddit suggested digging a vertical hole (smaller visual footprint in an aerial search), covering the body with yogurt (to speed up decomp), and then burying a dead animal above the body (to throw off the cadaver dog’s handlers).

    • @teamevil@lemmy.world
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      82 months ago

      Gotta put crushed up glass between the body and what ever dead thing you buried close to the surface to discourage digging

      • Krzd
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        92 months ago

        Fuck no, that would only encourage digging because it’s too suspicious.

        • @CatZoomies@lemmy.world
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          92 months ago

          Good point. Perhaps we also put up a cautionary sign that reads, “Warning: Crushed glass below. Do not dig. No corpses buried at this site.”

          • Krzd
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            32 months ago

            Yeah that seems like it should work :D

          • Krzd
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            12 months ago

            The animals don’t do any digging. They just report the death smell, and the handlers then have to dig and confirm why the dog reported.

  • @Letstakealook@lemm.ee
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    192 months ago

    Depending on climate and soil type, you will need to dig a 3’wx6’lx3-6d hole. USFS land is great for this. Place nude cadaver in hole and coat with 10-15lbs of lye. Refill hole with excavated soil to approximate level of surrounding area. Disperse excess soil thinly over a wide area. Finally, cover disturbed soil with natural debris from the surrounding area, such as pine needles, leaves, twigs, etc.

    • ivanafterall ☑️
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      22 months ago

      Consider finding yourself a “pickup man” with a 6-foot bed that never has to be made. Perfect size for your needs.

  • Lemminary
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    152 months ago

    I love how if this were a serious post people would be up in arms. But since it’s a shitpost everyone’s ok with sharing their expertise. 😂

    • @Zozano@lemy.lol
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      72 months ago

      New meta: be as specific as possible so that others think you’re being ironic.

  • @ulterno@lemmy.kde.social
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    112 months ago

    Depends upon what your are hiding it from.

    If the white male is a human and understands your language, maybe you can convince it to hide - in your closet / behind a tree / under a bed / behind some bushes etc.