Yep. It’s a nasty thing the brain does, it puts all foreign information through a filter made from convictions. If you’re convinced that you do not deliver enough and are not worthy of love, your brain will make the wildest explanations for when someone just proves the opposite to you instead of just taking that at face value. If that person then maybe gives up at some point or just has a bad day your brain will be all like “Ah! See! Told you!”
Good thing is, you can train yourself out of that by doing parallel, rational analysis and explaining the result to yourself. Repeatedly, often. That is fucking hard though and you will fall back to the old mode when under stress. Keep on it, get external help with that, if possible.
Good description, but I would say even the parallel and seemingly rational analysis can be very one sided. I noticed on myself that in similar situations my “rational” analysis swings in the same direction as my mood. And if it doesn’t, I sometimes do not believe, or more precisely, do not feel it. So it doesn’t really help quite a lot. This doesn’t make it useless, just a side note to not be to harsh on yourself if it doesn’t work.
Another thing which also helps me in such situations, is to remember these are just feelings. Sometimes you just feel worthless or dumb, but this are just your feelings, not you. And just because you feel this way, it doesn’t need to be true. Acknowledge the feeling, but try to still notice it is just a feeling.
Yep. It’s a nasty thing the brain does, it puts all foreign information through a filter made from convictions. If you’re convinced that you do not deliver enough and are not worthy of love, your brain will make the wildest explanations for when someone just proves the opposite to you instead of just taking that at face value. If that person then maybe gives up at some point or just has a bad day your brain will be all like “Ah! See! Told you!”
Good thing is, you can train yourself out of that by doing parallel, rational analysis and explaining the result to yourself. Repeatedly, often. That is fucking hard though and you will fall back to the old mode when under stress. Keep on it, get external help with that, if possible.
Good description, but I would say even the parallel and seemingly rational analysis can be very one sided. I noticed on myself that in similar situations my “rational” analysis swings in the same direction as my mood. And if it doesn’t, I sometimes do not believe, or more precisely, do not feel it. So it doesn’t really help quite a lot. This doesn’t make it useless, just a side note to not be to harsh on yourself if it doesn’t work.
Another thing which also helps me in such situations, is to remember these are just feelings. Sometimes you just feel worthless or dumb, but this are just your feelings, not you. And just because you feel this way, it doesn’t need to be true. Acknowledge the feeling, but try to still notice it is just a feeling.
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