AKA how are you surviving it?
Mom and her partner are going to a reunion with some neighbours, get drunk and whatever and invited me but i won’t go. I know how those parties are and I hate being surrounded by alcoholic ignorant people and people I don’t know… My little bro (16 yrs old) goes out with his friends. My other bro that is 5 years younger than me (he’s 29 years old) Will pass the NYE with her fiance and her family in their families restaurant.
So I’ll stay in my room alone again. There’s no reason to go outside. The stupid fireworks won’t let me sleep anyways so I’ll play Xbox and watch some p*rn maybe. I know it can be seen as pathetic for some, but that’s my reality and I can’t do anything about it.
I don’t think your evening is pathetic. I’ve been in similar circumstances, and we do what we must to get by. I respect your pragmatic resilience, and your wisdom in your priorities; forcing yourself to be around drunken strangers because of feeling an obligation to celebrate with everyone else would be far more pathetic than your actual plans
That being said, it sounds like you’re not particularly happy with your life circumstances right now — it sounds like you’re surviving more than you’re living. On that note, I sincerely wish you the best for the coming year. Maybe you’ll never find this an occasion worth celebrating, but I hope you have splashes of happiness across the year, where you can enjoy the things you care about.
That same blind hope I expressed towards you is how I’m surviving tonight; it has been a pretty terrible year for me, and I’m trying not to reflect too hard on it all, nor think too hard about planning the future. I’m just grasping onto a desperate hope that maybe this time, next year, I’ll have more things to reflect on fondly.
Good luck in the year ahead, to anyone who is reading this. It never feels like it, but simply surviving is a hell of an achievement, and I’m cheering for you from the distance, because you deserve good things.