• @Clinicallydepressedpoochie@lemmy.world
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      1 month ago

      You can do all things through christ.

      Sign up today, christ subscription service. Basic services start at just 10% your household income. With the power of Jesus^tm right at your finger tips you will be able to clasp your hands and pray for:

      That sweet new jacuzzi

      The love and admiration of NFL hero Patrick Mahomes

      A larger and wider penis/vigina

      A billion doll hairs

      Don’t let modernity ruin your daily life with doubt and uncertainty. Let Jesus^tm give you hope that will fuel your mindless toil while you work until the day you die.