• @Clinicallydepressedpoochie@lemmy.world
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        1 month ago

        You can do all things through christ.

        Sign up today, christ subscription service. Basic services start at just 10% your household income. With the power of Jesus^tm right at your finger tips you will be able to clasp your hands and pray for:

        That sweet new jacuzzi

        The love and admiration of NFL hero Patrick Mahomes

        A larger and wider penis/vigina

        A billion doll hairs

        Don’t let modernity ruin your daily life with doubt and uncertainty. Let Jesus^tm give you hope that will fuel your mindless toil while you work until the day you die.