I found my three year old unresponsive during a nap and knew he was dead, but had to try my best to comfort my wife as she broke down screaming while trying to resuscitate him. It’s still hard to think about.

If this happens to someone you know, please let them know about SUDC (Sudden Unexplained Death in Childhood). It’s like SIDS but for children older than 1 year. The SUDC Foundation has a website at https://sudc.org/ and provides community for parents, grandparents and siblings that have gone through it. In my case, having community might’ve been lifesaving.

Sorry to come across like a PSA, but March will be SUDC Awareness Month, and this post made me think of it. I’ll be posting about it over in !sudc@midwest.social. It’s not exactly an upbeat Lemmy community, but I hope that it can help anybody else going through the same thing find the community they need.

These posts are about maintaining mental health, not achieving it. If you’re deeply depressed or have other serious things going on, you should talk to a professional.

Everybody’s different, and each approach helps everyone differently. You might appreciate this perspective more:

What have you got to lose?

You know, you come from nothing

You’re going back to nothing

What have you lost? Nothing!

Always look on the bright side of life

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SJUhlRoBL8M

This post is about maintenance mode. Suicidal ideation is emergency mode, and these steps would not be appropriate. If you or anyone else reading this are having suicidal ideation, please talk to someone qualified. In the US, you can dial 9-8-8.

Sorry, missed the notification on this, but here’s a virtual hug for you: 🫂

Hopefully you got some in-person hugs as well

Note that like the 5 Stages of Grief that you’ve probably head of, this is an oversimplistic model. The reality involves a lot of bouncing between each of these at various times to various degrees. This book explains the process from the perspective of neuroscience and talks about a better model:

The Grieving Brain: The Surprising Science of How We Learn from Love and Loss

And this book talks about it more from a social perspective:

It’s Ok that You’re Not Ok

Sorry to hear about your loss. Feel free to talk as much or as little about your son here as you’d like. Finding community where I can share grief has helped me, hopefully finding out about this will help you too.

Here’s a poem that comforted me. Maybe you’ll get something out of it:

My little man,

down what centuries of light did you travel to reach us here,

your stay so short-lived;

In the twinkling of an eye you were moving on,

bearing our name and a splinter of the human cross we suffer;

flashed upon us like a beacon,

we wait in darkness for that light to come round,

knowing at heart you shine forever for us

- Hugh O’Donnell