Cross-posted from “my partner has been mentally unwell and i can’t be there for them.” by @StupidIdiot@lemmings.world in !relationship_advice@lemmy.world

i feel like they can’t expect me to do what they want in the relationship (spend more time with them and not friends and Super Mario/Nintendo games) but rather they should do what i want, which is just play with me and realize i can’t be there for them.

i wouldn’t call myself a Nintendo addict, but i do play for very long hours without even talking to my partner. yes, i’ve seen the other gaming post as a fedi lurker, but i also have a similar relationship. i don’t talk to them because i’m so absorbed in my game that i forget and don’t even think about them. i only think about them when i’m not playing a game, which is admittedly rarely, though i would never tell them this.

i can’t be there for them when they’re upset nor can i talk to them through their depression and anxiety because i’m busy on a game, but i really feel like they should give gaming a try. it’s a fun form of escapism and shooters and Super Mario really help.

  • waterSticksToMyBalls@lemmy.worldEnglish
    8·
    2 days ago

    The fact that spend time with partner, spend time with friends, and play Nintendo games are all on the same level for you should tell you all you need to know.

    • FireRetardant@lemmy.worldEnglish
      1·
      2 days ago

      Id argue in practice they aren’t on the same level. In theory being on the same level would be 6ish hours for each (games, partner, friends) then the rest for sleep in an average day. In practice games take 11+ hours a day so games are getting the majority of waking hours and could be considered the most important compared to the other 2 from a time commitment perspective.

        • FireRetardant@lemmy.worldEnglish
          2·
          2 days ago

          If i put in 11 hours into games across a 2 day weekend, i end up paying for it the next week because I’ll be behind on chores or other projects that should have been done. Tbf i work a lot of overtime so many weekly chores get pushed to the weekend.

    • JosephineOPEnglish
      16·
      2 days ago

      yeah, partner and games are equally important to me.

      • KyuubiNoKitsune@lemmy.blahaj.zoneEnglish
        6·
        2 days ago

        See, your words say that they are equal, but your actions (and other words) , say that they are not. If they were equal, you would be spending 5h gaming and 5h with them.

        I don’t think you should be in this relationship, not for yourself and especially not for them. This kind of lopsided priorities will destroy the other person’s self esteem and make them feel worthless.

        But, because from what you’ve said, you care about gaming more than anything, think of it this way, you get to drop the baggage in lieu of being able to spend more time gaming.

  • Grimy@lemmy.worldEnglish
    6·
    2 days ago

    You cannot say you care for your partner or anyone else for that matter if you can’t trim down your 11+ hours of gaming down to make space for them. Outside looking in, your behavior is completely unhinged.

    Start aiming for one day a week without gaming and at this point, aim to stop completely. It’s become unhealthy and you probably shouldn’t be playing at all.

    • waterSticksToMyBalls@lemmy.worldEnglish
      6·
      2 days ago

      My day:

      Sleep: 8 hours

      Eating: 2 hours

      Friends and Partner: 30 minutes

      Bathroom: 30 minutes

      Misc: 2 hours

      Nintendo® Video Games: 11+ hours

      Someone who is good at the economy please help me budget this. My family is dying

  • FireRetardant@lemmy.worldEnglish
    4·
    2 days ago

    How many hours a day do you spend working, and how many gaming? Do you live with your partner? If not how often do you see them?

    If i were in your partners shoes I’d get escaping for an evening or two a week, maybe most of a weekend, however 6+ hours a day leans more into a significant addiction imo.

    At that point you have to decide if your current partner or commitment to your game is more important in your life.

    • JosephineOPEnglish
      26·
      2 days ago

      1. i don’t work, so 11+ hours gaming

      2. i talk to them every day or two but i see them every week.

      3. i’m totally not addicted…

      4. my partner, i don’t wanna leave them, but gaming is, tbh, equally important. it’s a fun form of escapism and i too have depression so yeah.

      • FireRetardant@lemmy.worldEnglish
        8·
        2 days ago

        Imo its not wrong for your partner to expect more from you here. If you can’t commit to that you may want to find a partner who enjoys gaming and wants to game with you or you may have to cut back to keep them.

        I too can spend 10+ hours in a day into a game, but i try my best to limit that as my work, social life, and hobbies all deserve attention as well. Its harder in the morning to say put the canoe on my car and go fishing instead of gaming, but a day of fishing is often more satisfying in the end than gaming is to me.

      • EnsignWashout@startrek.websiteEnglish
        6·
        2 days ago

        11+ hours gaming

        Just so you know, many of us would call 11+ daily hours gaming an addiction.

        I would lose so much that I care about if I played that many hours.