cw: TERFs and general transphobia

For the most part, I avoid Reddit like the plague, but when I’m feeling sad, I find myself going on r/terf_trans_alliance, and then I feel worse.

I don’t know what drives them to participate, but the minority of trans posters are ridiculed, subjected to abusive comments, and mass downvoted for any attempt to get through to them in a way that isn’t absolute self-flagellating placation. Some things I noticed after just a minute or two of scrolling:

spoiler
  • The term “TRA”
  • Accusations of male socialization, with some gaslighting when trans people try to discuss their personal experiences about their upbringings that do not fit the narrative
  • Accusations of “mansplaining”
  • Assumptions that trans women are predatory
  • Assumptions that trans women have an entitlement complex
  • Accusations that trans women conform to rigid misogynist stereotypes, but also that trans women are too masculine to embody what they identify as
  • Assertions that trans women defending themselves need to accept male privilege, comparisons to white fragility
  • The comparison of being trans to a cultist religion
  • The insinuation that upvotes or kind words “shields trans people from reality”
  • Casual references to trans women, whether indirectly or directly to trans commenters/OPs, as men or males
  • The likening of trans women to white supremacists

There’s this stereotype that Reddit is this liberal echo chamber, but I seem to know all of the many places where it’s not, and I seek out those places when I know they’ll hurt me.

For those of you just on Lemmy, what are your strategies not to stray back to Reddit?

  • Ada@lemmy.blahaj.zoneMEnglish
    45·
    3 days ago

    when I’m feeling sad, I find myself going on r/terf_trans_alliance, and then I feel worse.

    That sub exists specifically to prey on folk like you. Folk that are struggling with internalised transphobia and self worth issues.

    Transphobes (and bigots in general) actively seek people they can demonstrate their bigotry against. It’s performative, to improve their in group cohesion, and it addresses their own self worth issues and let’s them feel empowered.

    That sub exists purely to attract people for them to prey on.

    They’re preying on you, because hurting you and folk like you brings them joy.

    You stop going, because even though dealing with your own self image can be a long battle, it’s a battle you can navigate without empowering them.

    • SCmSTR@lemmy.blahaj.zoneEnglish
      8·
      2 days ago

      Piggy-backing off of Ada’s excellent advice, here…

      Op, do you know what a troll is? It’s a shitty monster under a bridge, that lives under a bridge, and attacks you or tries to get a toll, or payment from you when you get close or try to cross the bridge.

      The analogy here is that if you find yourself feeling shitty, the last place you should go should be to go see the trolls. They’re always going to be there, and they’re always going to be shitty. You aren’t going to win, because they’re trolls, it’s what they do, it’s why they exist. The damn subreddit name is even a euphemism for a bridge, for crying out loud.

      So, when I say, “don’t feed the trolls”, it means, without food, the trolls will just be quietly living under their little bridges, waiting.

      Go to a park. Watch some anime. Make a casserole. Watch the clouds. Be anywhere but where the trolls are. DON’T FEED THE TROLLS.

      If you don’t want to hurt, stop going to where it hurts. I know this is sometimes easier said than done, but you ARE worth more, and you don’t deserve that kind of abuse, no matter what they, or your hurt subconscious tells you. You gotta make the decision, consciously, maybe even VERBALLY (I have to do this sometimes) that you don’t want to be miserable and to try your best, consciously, to figure out what is best for you.

      Invest in yourself. Invest in your future. Drink water, get as much fresh air as you can, and maybe even some sunlight (hsssssss). Music that makes you feel good is always a plus. I’ve been trying to remember to listen to music, lately. It’s too easy to forget what makes you happy. Sometimes, what makes you happy changes, and that’s okay, it just means you need to explore your feelings a little bit.

      Also, trans community is generally good. I find that when I spend too much time around only cis people or anybody not woke enough, I get like this weird stress in my chest and throat from having a constant low-key panic from hiding what I’m worried about and putting on a brave face. Don’t do that. Do your best to try to find your people, if you haven’t already.

      Please take care of yourself, op. And, when in doubt, consider what yourself in the future would appreciate you spending your time on. It may suck, but at least future-you might appreciate it.

      I know a lot of this is cliche as hell, but all of this is advice that I’ve personally found that works and is the best I can give you publicly.