Like everyone talks about how nice my ex-friends are, but they were rude to me, called me an annoying bug and stuff, and pretended they didn’t know me. And I genuinely want to see them as great people like everyone else sees.
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Growing up Autistic, I managed to make a lot of otherwise nice people pretty frustrated. That didn’t make them mean, but I sure thought they were. It took me a long time to realise the difference between frustrated and mad or mean. I have since re-connected with some of the people I misunderstood and it turns out they really are nice people.
No idea if anything similar is what happened for you. But just thought of a thing I could relate it to, and figured it might be worth sharing just in case.
It might take years before anything changes if so. But it’s worth the wait, and the effort.
Hmm, that makes sense. I assumed they were being mean because of things they have done in the past, like talking behind my back
I would like to add on to this: I grew up not knowing that I was autistic and masking, from a family full of undiagnosed and highly masking people. I definitely rubbed people the wrong way sometimes and annoyed them, but I also got annoyed when other people didn’t mask as well as I did, because I’d been raised in an environment that held masking as one of the ultimate goals (I don’t blame my parents, to be clear: these were their survival instincts as well as my own).
It took me years to understand that the “rigidity” that sometimes bothered me about others is not only something that I too possess in spades, but also a value-neutral trait (in and of itself, it can obviously be applied to variously moral systems). Until I figured that out, I was pretty easily frustrated by some other autistic people and couldn’t explain why. I still have moments like that, but I tend to break them down and realize that it’s generally just my own hangups that are bothering me.
I think a simple ‘i don’t want to talk about them’ might be best.
I didn’t attend my mother’s funeral or burial because I simply didn’t have the willpower to bear through all the lies and misconceptions I know everyone else was going to bear.
I didn’t want to make the days about how things went bad, all the many issues I took, or why I stopped talking to her in the past six months for being a MAGA sycophant.
Short of removing yourself from these situations, politely telling people to keep it to themselves is about the only reasonable thing I can suggest.
Thank you :)
I suppose you’ll never really know who is “right” until a long time afterwards.
I’ve worked with guys and girls who have been really well thought of by their peers, who have been complete cunts to me. Oh well, maybe they don’t like me; maybe we got off on the wrong foot; maybe they just had a bad day. I can’t be liked by everyone, so I haven’t ever taken it personally.
I think if I kept coming across people who were shitty with me, then I’d have to take a moment of self-reflection and think “maybe I’m being the arsehole” - I mean everyone comes across a fuckwit most days. Sometimes you come across two fuckwits in a day if you’re unlucky. If you’re encountering fuckwits on a daily basis though, then maybe it’s time to look in the mirror.
That said. I’ve worked on a project with someone who seemed to be adored in the office but I couldn’t fucking stand her. I just rolled with her bullshit for the rare occasions we had to collaborate and wrote it off as a personality clash, but it wasn’t until she moved offices and her name came up in a meeting ten years later, where nobody had a good word to say about her that I felt strangely validated.
Sometimes it just takes a while for someone to show their true colours.
