I’m Chris, a 20-year-old Dutch & Polish guy. I happen to be quite emotionally unstable and lack empathy, and I hate myself for it, but I am good at hiding it.
I knew a young woman who tried to kill herself because she was bullied and seen as „strange”. I was best friends with the girl who bullied her into attempting suicide and tried to get everyone to stop talking to her because she was „disgusting”.
I have emotional instability so I sabotaged a relationship with a guy I had feelings for. He has a girlfriend now and I have moved on. I have anger issues and I destroyed the property of one of my friends too and yelled at them. Now they seem nervous around me but I can’t help myself.
As someone who doesn’t believe in free will - and as you said yourself, you can’t help it - I’d say you’re not a bad person, but a dysfunctional one. There’s no point in being angry at yourself over something you effectively can’t control, but that doesn’t mean you can’t be motivated to change. Admitting the problem is a good first step.