I’m Chris, a 20-year-old Dutch & Polish guy. I happen to be quite emotionally unstable and lack empathy, and I hate myself for it, but I am good at hiding it.
I knew a young woman who tried to kill herself because she was bullied and seen as „strange”. I was best friends with the girl who bullied her into attempting suicide and tried to get everyone to stop talking to her because she was „disgusting”.
I have emotional instability so I sabotaged a relationship with a guy I had feelings for. He has a girlfriend now and I have moved on. I have anger issues and I destroyed the property of one of my friends too and yelled at them. Now they seem nervous around me but I can’t help myself.
That’s a very low bar for ruining lives.
Consider that you have discovered a disturbing trend in yourself that you would like to address before it hurts more people… and also consider forgiving yourself while you work to be better.
As another said, therapy is a good idea, especially as you know one of the things you would like to address in that therapy.
It’s a long journey to be a better person, but not because it’s difficult to make progress. It’s long because once you’ve started, you develop the skills to continue being introspective and working toward your true self.