Now that we have determined in this thread that a friendly/flirty conversation is indeed not harassment, women are just people too, the old gender roles are dead and public parks are a singles hunting ground, how do I make it clear I’m open to being approached?
Since chatting someone up is out of the question for me, I’d rather hedge my bets on some women using those tricks all you Casanovas left in that thread on me. We’re all progressive here, I don’t see why the man must start this dance.
But I can’t help but notice that this plan has not worked at all yet. How do I express I’m single and ready to mingle, except by just having that printed on my shirt? Like was said, having just a friendly conversation with any gender would be a start, can’t remember those happening in a while either.
Wait, who said gender roles are dead? That’s not a thing. Assuming youre a man, most women that are interested in you (or might be interested in you in the future) will expect you to make the first move. I don’t think that’s the patriarchy at work; most straight women want a man who is confident and assertive and I don’t think there’s anything problematic about that.
Since chatting someone up is out of the question for me
Why? Are you unable to speak? Are you unwilling to try? Because it sounds like you’re hopeless about the idea of meeting someone and you don’t feel like your own efforts could possibly help.
I don’t see why the man must start this dance.
The truth is that nobody, regardless of gender, wants to put themselves in a position where they could be rejected. And women usually don’t need to. While you’re leaning against the wall waiting for that woman to start talking with you another guy will approach her and ask her out. We all want to feel like someone is interested in us. It’s flattering. It makes us feel good. And your question makes it clear you’re unwilling to put the effort into showing you are interested. You want someone else to show they are interested in you. That way you don’t have to risk anything. But low risk means low reward.
This may sound harsh, but I do understand where you’re coming from. I went through this myself. One thing that helped me was learning to let go of any expectations when approaching and talking with someone. Try to understand you aren’t there to pick her up, seduce her, or whatever. You are just there to talk. Everyone is interesting in some way. Practice asking people about themselves. You’ll be awkward at first. You’ll mess up and be embarrassed. But keep trying. If you can let go of your own desires and just be curious it will take you far. And talk with everyone you meet. Men, women, old, young, don’t discriminate. It’ll help you realize it’s just a conversation.
Also, put one of those sticky name tags on your shirt. “Hi my name is Tudsamfa”. It makes people more comfortable knowing your name.
Literally wear a name tag.
A guy, that goes by the name of etymology nerd, did this everyday for a month and people approached him more often.
He made a short video explaining why this was the case and how it was an invitation to converse.
Huh. I got to try this.
What you need, my friend, is a slump buster. Casual sex with a woman you otherwise wouldn’t be interested in. I don’t know if it’s a sixth (or 7th or 8th) sense that women have, but they can tell if you’ve gotten any recently. If you have, it makes you more desirable. Alternatively, a good wank before going out in public, but that’s not nearly as effective. I ended many droughts with a slump buster back in my single days.
Have you tried falling off a ladder. Anyone who doesnt run to offer assistance is not someone you wanna prone bone anyway. Time your ladder fall as the hottie approaches.
not someone you wanna prone bone anyway
I actually laughed out loud at the specificity here. Thank you for this, you’ve brightened my day.
it’s just eye contact. look open and neutral. if people notice you paying attention to them, they’ll engage more likely than if you have your head down covered in hood with headphones on
To steal a tip from JB Smoove - walk around with one shoelace untied. Someone will notice.
“Hey, your shoelace is untied”
“Oh, thanks”
Ice: broken
Man sometimes I see teenagers walking around with their shoes untied. I’ll tell them “hey your shoes untied” and they look at me like “… yeah, and?”
chatting someone up is out of the question for me
Some basic life advice for you: focus on things you can control, not on things you can’t. Approach the people you want to interact with. That’s completely under your control. You can’t really control whether other people approach you. Spending your effort on that is a waste.
I mean, there are absolutely things that you should do just to improve your approachability. Good hygiene, to start.
Au contraire!
As was sung, “I am the one thing in life I can’t control”(Edit: Oof, how embarrising), spending effort on that is the waste. So just coming off as more approachable is the one path open to me.Au contraire! As was sung, “I am the one thing in life I can’t control”
Are you referring to Wait For It?
Cause the line is “I am the one thing in life I can control”
Also Burr definitely didn’t “wait for it” when it came to boning down on that British dude’s wife.
Maybe go on a site like meetup or find local events you are interested in. Go out and do something with strangers: help a charity, go on an organized hike, take a language class, do some volunteering.
Just hanging at the park putting out the vibe likely won’t get you where you want to be.
Wear a button that says “I’m approachable!”
Like this?
I love it.
Go to the singles park on a bicycle. Ride somewhere with cute single girls in your area. Fall on the bicycle and hurt your knee. Wait for help. If the cute girls don’t help, they’re probably not that nice. Phew, you just saved a bullet there.
Is it this kind of stupid methods you want?
Okay, buy a shitload of oranges. Put them in a bag. Cut a hole in the bag, so it barely keeps together. Go to the park and find the cute girls again. Give the bag a firm shake so it falls apart and the oranges start rolling all over the place. Look sad. Attempt to pick up the oranges but keep dropping some, until they come and help.
Now for the next one, you will need to get out of your comfort zone. Go to the grocery store. Find the laundry detergent isle. Keep staring at the products until a cute single girl comes by. Look confused. Say to her: “excuse me, I’m really confused about all these, which one are you getting?” Eventually thank her for help and turn the conversation into something else " I’m new in this town, do you know any other great places to get laundry detergents (or whatever)"
Oh, I forgot to mention, you need to be wearing a suit or at least a blazer and proper shoes. None of the above will work very well if you look like a hobo who washes with a toilet brush.
My sister literally tried the first one in high school. She lay in wait, probably for hours, on the country road she knew the guy she fancied lived down. Once she saw him in the distance she dropped her bicycle so it lay across the road and hobbled around for a bit until he got there.
I can’t say it worked. He stopped, helped her get her bike up off the road, then went on his way.
Bro complains about being maidenless and still doesn’t dress like this
Wear a t-shirt that says I’m single you can talk to me.
I’m kidding. Sort of.
By being interesting.
How you do that is up to you. Like visibly enjoying hobbies, having an eccentric look, going for a fun personality, or being in cool locations. It also allows you to talk about something you personally enjoy.
I’ve been approached by a woman exactly one time. We’ve now been married for 21 years.
girls will signal to me that they might be open to having a conversation, but it’s rare that one would directly initiate. the trick for me is recognizing the signals when i see them, and not hanging around for too long especially if it doesn’t look like it’s working out.
What wpuld those signals look like? Maybe OP can use the same to signal others.
eye contact like this @_@
