Load all their Gucci kit into a ruck. March 12km out to the middle of bumfuck nowhere huffing and puffing cause your shit weighs 80lbs before they gave you ammo, water and rations. Now you’re wearing battle rattle and hiking up Mount Fuckyou carrying a load of bullshit.
Get to the bivouac, drop your shit and you didn’t bother to figure out how your new inflatable mattress works instead of a foam hobo-pad the army issues you… Oh and you forgot to pack your bivvie bag and the ground is wet so you’re trying to suck and fuck your way into someone’s spare kit… Oh and you didn’t bring a headlamp for sentry duty and now I gotta explain the the Sarge why my 2IC is such a useless bag of milk and needs to see a medic cause they cooked their lower back lugging their kitchen sink up a mountain for a three day mission.
Motherfucker, if you listened to me and packed the bare essentials and threw your spare kit in the truck you wouldn’t be having this problem. Next time, make sure your goddamn flashlight has batteries and no, you can’t use my battery pack to charge your cellphone. If my phone dies what am I gonna look at while baking in the 40°C blue rocket? The same childish graffiti of cocks? Brother, I drew those cocks. I don’t need to look at them.
Might I add: My ass is 230lbs and I ain’t got a gat dang problem lugging my shit up there. Yet these young dumb lads think they’re the Morningstar’s gift to the corps and yet here they are crying to me that their balls are so chafed they’re bleeding.
Both saddened and relieved I never attained this level of …militariness(?)
The language alone is super kickass and I would have had a lot of fun bustin chops. I was out of there before I was 15 so it wasn’t to be.
On the other hand, damn, why was this even allowed to be an option? I guess it’s trial by fire but it seems like military issued gear should be the only gear allowable in that situation and that they would have gone through extensive drilling till they got proficient before getting into potential life-risking conditions. Honestly, looking back, it wasn’t much different for our first backpacking trips. We were still using terrible external-framed packs. My mom insisted on getting the crappiest discount ghetto-ass pack for me and I was in a ton of pain the whole time. Parents weren’t super into looking out for us back in those days. Years later, I got myself a decent internal-framed pack and the extreme upgrade made me want to go kick them all in the dicks. It didn’t cost one penny more, either. Just somewhat slightly thoughtful.
Haha, either way, I sure do love the way you described it. Thanks for posting.
Often, I think of this line from Deadwood when I read a description I really like. It’s not about the lying, of course. It’s about the turns of phrase and the storytelling. Thanks again.
God dammit Swearengen, I don’t trust you as far as I can throw ya…but I enjoy the way you lie.
Similar experiences with me except army.
Load all their Gucci kit into a ruck. March 12km out to the middle of bumfuck nowhere huffing and puffing cause your shit weighs 80lbs before they gave you ammo, water and rations. Now you’re wearing battle rattle and hiking up Mount Fuckyou carrying a load of bullshit.
Get to the bivouac, drop your shit and you didn’t bother to figure out how your new inflatable mattress works instead of a foam hobo-pad the army issues you… Oh and you forgot to pack your bivvie bag and the ground is wet so you’re trying to suck and fuck your way into someone’s spare kit… Oh and you didn’t bring a headlamp for sentry duty and now I gotta explain the the Sarge why my 2IC is such a useless bag of milk and needs to see a medic cause they cooked their lower back lugging their kitchen sink up a mountain for a three day mission.
Motherfucker, if you listened to me and packed the bare essentials and threw your spare kit in the truck you wouldn’t be having this problem. Next time, make sure your goddamn flashlight has batteries and no, you can’t use my battery pack to charge your cellphone. If my phone dies what am I gonna look at while baking in the 40°C blue rocket? The same childish graffiti of cocks? Brother, I drew those cocks. I don’t need to look at them.
Might I add: My ass is 230lbs and I ain’t got a gat dang problem lugging my shit up there. Yet these young dumb lads think they’re the Morningstar’s gift to the corps and yet here they are crying to me that their balls are so chafed they’re bleeding.
Both saddened and relieved I never attained this level of …militariness(?)
The language alone is super kickass and I would have had a lot of fun bustin chops. I was out of there before I was 15 so it wasn’t to be.
On the other hand, damn, why was this even allowed to be an option? I guess it’s trial by fire but it seems like military issued gear should be the only gear allowable in that situation and that they would have gone through extensive drilling till they got proficient before getting into potential life-risking conditions. Honestly, looking back, it wasn’t much different for our first backpacking trips. We were still using terrible external-framed packs. My mom insisted on getting the crappiest discount ghetto-ass pack for me and I was in a ton of pain the whole time. Parents weren’t super into looking out for us back in those days. Years later, I got myself a decent internal-framed pack and the extreme upgrade made me want to go kick them all in the dicks. It didn’t cost one penny more, either. Just somewhat slightly thoughtful.
Haha, either way, I sure do love the way you described it. Thanks for posting.
Often, I think of this line from Deadwood when I read a description I really like. It’s not about the lying, of course. It’s about the turns of phrase and the storytelling. Thanks again.
https://www.reddit.com/r/deadwood/comments/1e51dyv/daily_deadwood_quote_337/ldj8zhb/