My mother, now that she is old, frequently asks if I remember random things: people I used to know, places I’ve been, hobbies I used to enjoy. And when I say yes, her response is, “Oh, but that was so long ago!” or, “But you were just a child then!” I think what she actually wants to know is if I remember all the horrible things she said and did to me. 🙄
My mom’s the opposite. I bring up memories to her and she doesn’t recall them. She claims not to remember any of the shit she said to me during my formative years, which leads to her now with the “missing missing reasons” whenever my siblings and I don’t talk to her.
Mine loves to reminisce, but she also claims to not remember actions that make her look bad, or she claims they never happened and I’m lying because of my “insecurity.” But I think her preemptive “oh, but you were a child!” suggests that she actually does remember these things. If she didn’t remember her actions, she wouldn’t be trying to make me doubt my own memories of them decades after I stopped arguing with her and just distanced myself.
Ugh, that’s gotta be so frustrating. At least my mom knows my memory is better than hers - she admits it during neutral and pleasant times, like when sharing old stories. But when it comes to things she said or did that hurt me, she goes from “Yeah, that sounds right,” to, “I don’t remember that.” I don’t know if it’s a subconscious block, conscious denial, legit memory lapse, or what.
I know the tree remembers what the axe forgot and that my mom has never been one to self-reflect on her actions much, so it could go either way. Which reminds me, she absolutely expected me to master certain skills as a child that she still has barely grasped even today. Skills like anticipating others’ emotions, being able to laugh at one’s self, recognizing when one is wrong, and so on. Things that she insisted I do, but never set an example of how. She legit has told me, on numerous occasions, “Do as I say, not as I do.”
Ohh, don’t worry, Ma, I’m way ahead of you. Why do you think your grandkids (my nieces/nephews) ask me to hang out all the time instead of you?
“Do as I say, not as I do,” was a common saying in my family, also. It sounds like she wanted you to be an adult while she still felt like a child. I think some parents never grew up.
My mother, now that she is old, frequently asks if I remember random things: people I used to know, places I’ve been, hobbies I used to enjoy. And when I say yes, her response is, “Oh, but that was so long ago!” or, “But you were just a child then!” I think what she actually wants to know is if I remember all the horrible things she said and did to me. 🙄
My mom’s the opposite. I bring up memories to her and she doesn’t recall them. She claims not to remember any of the shit she said to me during my formative years, which leads to her now with the “missing missing reasons” whenever my siblings and I don’t talk to her.
Mine loves to reminisce, but she also claims to not remember actions that make her look bad, or she claims they never happened and I’m lying because of my “insecurity.” But I think her preemptive “oh, but you were a child!” suggests that she actually does remember these things. If she didn’t remember her actions, she wouldn’t be trying to make me doubt my own memories of them decades after I stopped arguing with her and just distanced myself.
Ugh, that’s gotta be so frustrating. At least my mom knows my memory is better than hers - she admits it during neutral and pleasant times, like when sharing old stories. But when it comes to things she said or did that hurt me, she goes from “Yeah, that sounds right,” to, “I don’t remember that.” I don’t know if it’s a subconscious block, conscious denial, legit memory lapse, or what.
I know the tree remembers what the axe forgot and that my mom has never been one to self-reflect on her actions much, so it could go either way. Which reminds me, she absolutely expected me to master certain skills as a child that she still has barely grasped even today. Skills like anticipating others’ emotions, being able to laugh at one’s self, recognizing when one is wrong, and so on. Things that she insisted I do, but never set an example of how. She legit has told me, on numerous occasions, “Do as I say, not as I do.”
Ohh, don’t worry, Ma, I’m way ahead of you. Why do you think your grandkids (my nieces/nephews) ask me to hang out all the time instead of you?
“Do as I say, not as I do,” was a common saying in my family, also. It sounds like she wanted you to be an adult while she still felt like a child. I think some parents never grew up.