Honestly, I get it’s a green text, but this is pretty easily explained. First off: dating is fucking expensive, and unfortunately standard gender roles means the dude foots the bill most of the time. Yes times are changing, but that’s still pretty standard. Pair that with the fact that dudes usually have to make the first move (again, old gender standards) and the fact that social media adds another layer of risk of being ridiculed or making someone viral because they were ‘crimge’ or ‘gave the girl the ick’ and it’s a pretty stacked deck. Hell, point one is such a strong weigh in that it’s enough to explain all of it. People are more broke than ever, and if dating by default involves going out, well guess that date isn’t going to happen.
First off: dating is fucking expensive, and unfortunately standard gender roles means the dude foots the bill most of the time.
Not an excuse for most Lemmy users. Most American Lemmy users make far more than the average American. I have seen Lemmy users legit bitch that they only make $80K a year. That’s more than I ever made a year in my entire working life. And I never had a problem dating.
Agreed. Cost of living and wealth inequality are getting so bad it’s breaking society. We see it everywhere and it’s weird to prioritize non economic explanations.
Although hetero dating is just total bs, speaking as a queer gal. All that old cruft is rotten and it’s gotta go
I recently ended a 6 year relationship. I’m not going to settle down with anyone again unless they have their own stuff going on like a career and goals. I think a lot of women expect men to manage all the finances, set goals, plan vacations and provide stability but they don’t want to do the traditional gender role stuff like cooking and cleaning or making a home. So what’s the point? Why make someone else’s life easier if they don’t do the same for you? had a son young(I was 19 when I had him) and he’s 11 now, so it’s not like I’m dreaming of starting a family. Most women bring nothing to the table. And if you’re lucky enough like me to have a good income, house, car, etc… you realize a lot of things are easier living alone.
Women want the princess treatment but don’t know how to act like a princess. Beyond that, sex isn’t all it’s hyped up to be. I know I sound like a redpill incel but dating shouldn’t be a priority for anyone. What’s the rush? Don’t fall for the first thing you see, make sure they’re worth it first.
I get there’s a bit of biterness here, but speaking as an older millennial this was my experience as well. Feminism created a weird gap of women becoming strong and independent, but with some meant ‘im not going to do traditional fem, but expect you to do traditional man’ with no compromise. I ended up finding a wonderful woman and we both split everything, but it took me 20 years.
If you decide to date again, you should consider dating liberal women. The only women I have known who are like you describe are conservative(and I have met one or two who expect the princess treatment and then don’t deliver on the prince treatment!). I know conservative men who expect traditional roles, and I know conservative men who expect to split the bills and say they’ll split the housework but then the woman ends up doing all the housework anyway. The women in that situation end up feeling like you: if I’m doing the housework AND working, this is easier on my own!
In my liberal circles things seem to be a bit more evenly split, and both partners are often more independent.
It seems like you’re happy on your own though, so you’re doing the right thing by removing yourself from the dating pool! Maybe you’ll find someone independent who will be a good match naturally, but I can’t imagine a woman would want to work and split the housework with someone who has your attitude (“most women are bad and not worth having around”) so you might need to change that if you do decide to get back into dating. I can’t connect on what you mean on sex not being the best thing in the world and the literal purpose of life, but I do know my husband felt like you on that front before he met me. He thought people were just exaggerating on how good it is. Maybe, like him, you just haven’t met the right match there either? It’s not like I’m even that good in bed, if anything I’m a bit of a selfish lover. It’s just that we’re a good fit together. Good luck, man. I hope you find the right fit and realize men and women are equally selfish and equally selfless.
Oh my God! Someone else that enjoys being put under! I wouldn’t say it is quite pleasurable, but definitely a fun experience. It’s like time travel. You remember them telling you to count down from ten, you get to 7-6 and then BAM, you are waking up after the operation is done. I’ve had 3 surgeries and they have all been pretty fun experiences, but to be fair, I’ve never had complications and non of them were life threatening.
Good sex is honestly a toss up, I’ve had great sex in horrible relationships and bad sex in great relationships. I understand being in love with someone enhances it but love is a feeling which is impossible to sustain permanently
I’ve not found loving someone to help with the quality of the sex all that much. Maybe they just didn’t love me back or something. The crazy one was always great and was the only one who wanted it as often as I did but the rest of that relationship was a mess.
The crazy one was always great and was the only one who wanted it as often as I did but the rest of that relationship was a mess.
I’ve disagree with most of the posts in this thread. But I gotta say, this stereotype is true in my experience. I have dated a lot of crazy women, and mostly because even the everything else with them is a crazy fucked up mess, the sex is always amazing. The best sex I’ve ever had was with the crazy girls who were overly dramatic, and just always made shitty choices (like sleeping with me! haha)
I say this as someone who is in a kinda serious relationship now (she wants to get married, I’m not quite there yet). Love her lots, sex is great, but man, nothing matches the absolute insanity filthy sex that I had with the crazy girls. It’s something about that just not giving a fuck what they think or lack of respect, or something… But no lie, I kinda don’t wanna get married because don’t wanna give that all up just yet.
Have you actually tried taking unrepentant time off, where you have no work or social obligations, and grabbing unhealthy snacks and drinks, curling up with a good game, and zoning out of reality for hours or days at a time?
Sex is nice and all, and we’re hard wired to like it more than most activities, but it does not hold a single candle to unrepentant free time when you’re not used to said free time.
Have you actually tried taking unrepentant time off, where you have no work or social obligations, and grabbing unhealthy snacks and drinks, curling up with a good game, and zoning out of reality for hours or days at a time?
Cosplaying as a free human? Yeah I would love to pretend for a little while and forget the shit planet I was forced to exist on.
I went out on a first date with this woman recently and we just split the bill 50/50. It was a refreshing change of scenery. I think that should be standard so that nobody has any expectations on either side. As time goes on you can figure out how to allocate cash flow but first dates should never be 100% on one gender, unless one of them are rich (in my opinion at least.)
Honestly, I get it’s a green text, but this is pretty easily explained. First off: dating is fucking expensive, and unfortunately standard gender roles means the dude foots the bill most of the time. Yes times are changing, but that’s still pretty standard. Pair that with the fact that dudes usually have to make the first move (again, old gender standards) and the fact that social media adds another layer of risk of being ridiculed or making someone viral because they were ‘crimge’ or ‘gave the girl the ick’ and it’s a pretty stacked deck. Hell, point one is such a strong weigh in that it’s enough to explain all of it. People are more broke than ever, and if dating by default involves going out, well guess that date isn’t going to happen.
Not an excuse for most Lemmy users. Most American Lemmy users make far more than the average American. I have seen Lemmy users legit bitch that they only make $80K a year. That’s more than I ever made a year in my entire working life. And I never had a problem dating.
It’s a personality issue, not a money issue.
Agreed. Cost of living and wealth inequality are getting so bad it’s breaking society. We see it everywhere and it’s weird to prioritize non economic explanations.
Although hetero dating is just total bs, speaking as a queer gal. All that old cruft is rotten and it’s gotta go
Yet again Capitalism is the issue
Is there any problem that wouldn’t be fixed with wealth redistribution?
I recently ended a 6 year relationship. I’m not going to settle down with anyone again unless they have their own stuff going on like a career and goals. I think a lot of women expect men to manage all the finances, set goals, plan vacations and provide stability but they don’t want to do the traditional gender role stuff like cooking and cleaning or making a home. So what’s the point? Why make someone else’s life easier if they don’t do the same for you? had a son young(I was 19 when I had him) and he’s 11 now, so it’s not like I’m dreaming of starting a family. Most women bring nothing to the table. And if you’re lucky enough like me to have a good income, house, car, etc… you realize a lot of things are easier living alone.
Women want the princess treatment but don’t know how to act like a princess. Beyond that, sex isn’t all it’s hyped up to be. I know I sound like a redpill incel but dating shouldn’t be a priority for anyone. What’s the rush? Don’t fall for the first thing you see, make sure they’re worth it first.
I get there’s a bit of biterness here, but speaking as an older millennial this was my experience as well. Feminism created a weird gap of women becoming strong and independent, but with some meant ‘im not going to do traditional fem, but expect you to do traditional man’ with no compromise. I ended up finding a wonderful woman and we both split everything, but it took me 20 years.
Yeah, probably haven’t met the right one and all that. For now, no company is better than bad company
If you decide to date again, you should consider dating liberal women. The only women I have known who are like you describe are conservative(and I have met one or two who expect the princess treatment and then don’t deliver on the prince treatment!). I know conservative men who expect traditional roles, and I know conservative men who expect to split the bills and say they’ll split the housework but then the woman ends up doing all the housework anyway. The women in that situation end up feeling like you: if I’m doing the housework AND working, this is easier on my own!
In my liberal circles things seem to be a bit more evenly split, and both partners are often more independent.
It seems like you’re happy on your own though, so you’re doing the right thing by removing yourself from the dating pool! Maybe you’ll find someone independent who will be a good match naturally, but I can’t imagine a woman would want to work and split the housework with someone who has your attitude (“most women are bad and not worth having around”) so you might need to change that if you do decide to get back into dating. I can’t connect on what you mean on sex not being the best thing in the world and the literal purpose of life, but I do know my husband felt like you on that front before he met me. He thought people were just exaggerating on how good it is. Maybe, like him, you just haven’t met the right match there either? It’s not like I’m even that good in bed, if anything I’m a bit of a selfish lover. It’s just that we’re a good fit together. Good luck, man. I hope you find the right fit and realize men and women are equally selfish and equally selfless.
Controversial opinion, but I believe anesthesia is even better than sex. If you’re ever been put under for surgery, you know what I’m talking about.
And they say that DMT can top even that. Only problem is that you have to take a trip outside the US to get it.
Oh my God! Someone else that enjoys being put under! I wouldn’t say it is quite pleasurable, but definitely a fun experience. It’s like time travel. You remember them telling you to count down from ten, you get to 7-6 and then BAM, you are waking up after the operation is done. I’ve had 3 surgeries and they have all been pretty fun experiences, but to be fair, I’ve never had complications and non of them were life threatening.
Kanye would agree
I would guess the rush is that you would have someone to split your crippling living expenses with.
That’s not a good reason to share a bed with someone
Re: “sex isn’t all it’s hyped up to be.” Sex with someone you love is the best thing.
It is! But sex with someone ya don’t love is pretty awesome too!
Good sex is honestly a toss up, I’ve had great sex in horrible relationships and bad sex in great relationships. I understand being in love with someone enhances it but love is a feeling which is impossible to sustain permanently
I’ve not found loving someone to help with the quality of the sex all that much. Maybe they just didn’t love me back or something. The crazy one was always great and was the only one who wanted it as often as I did but the rest of that relationship was a mess.
I’ve disagree with most of the posts in this thread. But I gotta say, this stereotype is true in my experience. I have dated a lot of crazy women, and mostly because even the everything else with them is a crazy fucked up mess, the sex is always amazing. The best sex I’ve ever had was with the crazy girls who were overly dramatic, and just always made shitty choices (like sleeping with me! haha)
I say this as someone who is in a kinda serious relationship now (she wants to get married, I’m not quite there yet). Love her lots, sex is great, but man, nothing matches the absolute insanity filthy sex that I had with the crazy girls. It’s something about that just not giving a fuck what they think or lack of respect, or something… But no lie, I kinda don’t wanna get married because don’t wanna give that all up just yet.
Have you actually tried taking unrepentant time off, where you have no work or social obligations, and grabbing unhealthy snacks and drinks, curling up with a good game, and zoning out of reality for hours or days at a time?
Sex is nice and all, and we’re hard wired to like it more than most activities, but it does not hold a single candle to unrepentant free time when you’re not used to said free time.
All that but getting a handie.
Cosplaying as a free human? Yeah I would love to pretend for a little while and forget the shit planet I was forced to exist on.
What a crazy way to say you’ve never had sex.
I went out on a first date with this woman recently and we just split the bill 50/50. It was a refreshing change of scenery. I think that should be standard so that nobody has any expectations on either side. As time goes on you can figure out how to allocate cash flow but first dates should never be 100% on one gender, unless one of them are rich (in my opinion at least.)
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