I’m comfortable being a woman with my lady parts. I also like to pretend. I told people I was male (transmasc, specifically) so that I could freely experience attraction to just men without having the “straight” label.
Whatever I was, I did NOT want to be straight, so presenting as a trans guy helped me feel better about myself. I could be a gay man. Then, I was a non-binary demiboy (either gay or bi but would only date men).
I felt like a girl in real life. I still do. I didn’t feel dysphoria nor a desire to transition in any way, neither socially nor physically nor anything. It just felt relieving to be a gay trans guy, but that still made me trans even though I didn’t identify as male nor did I ever see myself as male, right?
(I see myself as a woman and always have, I don’t have dysphoria. I identify as a woman who wants a penis. I think I’m moreso attracted to the idea of having male parts than actually seeing myself as a guy, but like I said, it relieved me to be gay and not straight.)
long story short, I’m a woman slightly attracted to the idea of herself being a trans guy or having a penis.
It kinda sounds like a bit of dysphoria honestly, unless you just said those things because of guilt. As far as I understand things, wanting to have genitals that typically match the opposite sex usually points to some form of body dysmorphia/euphoria even though you say your current body is fine.
Also, I don’t know why the shame from people you’re around. It sounds like you’re still figuring yourself out and picking a label that is the closest to what you feel like is only something that you can know. Maybe it’s not the most accurate but it’s not entirely off base.
It sounds like you’re at the very least kinda queer and non-heteronomative. Maybe non-binary but that’s for you to figure out. Something under the Trans umbrella sounds right to me.