I’m (19F by the way, not like 50) a bad texter. I can be not dry when I want to be, but usually I’m just not up for texting. I really don’t engage with my friends. (I’m asocial).

I don’t participate in their activities. I don’t really ask them how they are, or what their interests are. I don’t even engage in deep discussion with them unless I’m up for it.

When my friend sends a video that reminded her of me or that she finds funny, I don’t click it and just ignore it.

Maybe my friends are growing apart and they text me less because of this, but I’m kind of okay with that because I know they will be there for me when I need it and because I’m genuinely just tired/bored most of the time.

One time, my friend asked me if I’d like to spend time with her, and I just point-blank said “No”. IDK if that’s rude just because I’m being honest and also because it’s not personal, I don’t want to engage with anyone.

  • Mister_Feeny@fedia.io
    28·
    4 days ago

    Oh, I remember you, I’ve seen a couple threads from you over the past couple days. So, let’s recap a few of the things I’ve seen you say.

    I view people as more tools than anything

    They also say I’m a bad sport for calling them useless pieces of crap all the time

    I remember one time someone stole the ball from my friend so I called my friend helpless and useless.

    When I see someone being useless, I call them out for it. I will always be better than my friends

    When something I do is considered “wrong” or “bad”, I genuinely don’t consider it morally wrong at all. I only know it’s wrong because someone told me it is, and if their telling me that doesn’t benefit me in some way, I tend to blame them and see them as acting irrationally.

    I call my friends useless and horrible, and I really have no guilt/remorse or sympathy about that. I feel like I can treat them however I want without much remorse. In fact, I feel like most of the time, I’m right to treat people this way.

    I want to maintain a good public image, so i say people should be kind and that bullying is wrong, because it’s been done to me amend doesn’t feel good. But to be honest, I couldn’t care less about how other people feel if it doesn’t impact me.

    I believe I can feel remorse sometimes, such as if they do something that isn’t benefitting me

    That last one really cracks me up. You only feel remorse when someone else does something that doesn’t benefit you. That’s not how remorse works. Remorse is felt when you yourself have done something wrong and are ashamed of it. But based on the things you’ve said, you don’t ever really feel bad about your own actions, maybe at the most giving it a “yeah, I know people say this is wrong”, but it doesn’t look like you ever actually feel it. A lot of what you say reads as the most narcissistic shit I’ve ever seen in my life.

    So to answer your question for this thread. Yes. You are a bad friend. Get therapy. Seriously.

    Or don’t, and I’m sure you’ll have no friends at all soon enough. But I’m sure you’ll be able to rationalize that as being their fault anyway, so don’t worry, you won’t even have to feel any sort of remorse!

    • dependencyinjection@discuss.tchncs.de
      3·
      2 days ago

      Wow. This reads like the ramblings of a narcissist, a sociopath, or someone incredibly neurodivergent (I am neurodiverse myself).

      I agree that they should seek therapy to understand themself.

      It could also be that they’re very poor at wording their feelings as I can be like that sometimes and it makes me seem like a nutter, when in fact I just articulated it incorrectly.

    • CatDemons4OPEnglish
      24·
      3 days ago

      I don’t think I have narcissism, just ADHD and depression. Is there a way i can have friends without socializing all the time? I’m quite burnt out because I don’t like most people

      • Mister_Feeny@fedia.io
        6·
        3 days ago

        Maybe you are a narcissist and maybe you aren’t, neither of us are actually qualified to make that call. A therapist that you see regularly would be, however. Now, while I say I’m not qualified to make that call, I will say that the shit you say is 100% the same shit a narcissist would.

        Signs of narcissistic personality disorder include exaggerated sense of self-importance (“I will always be better than my friends”), lack of empathy (“I feel like I can treat them however I want without much remorse. In fact, I feel like most of the time, I’m right to treat people this way.”), and a tendency to exploit others (“I view people as more tools than anything”).

        Everything you said that I quoted in my post above is a red flag for narcissism. I could’ve quoted a lot more than I did even, but I figured those would be enough to get the point across.

        Now, as for your question about “can I have friends without socializing all the time,” maybe first you should ask yourself, “Do I actually want friends? Or do I just want more tools I can use?” Cuz I don’t believe that you actually want friends.

        But regardless, whether it’s ADHD and depression, or narcissism, or some combination of all three, the answer remains the same. You need to find a therapist, and you need to do the work. Work on becoming a decent human who actually cares about other people, aside from how they can benefit you, and having friends will liekly follow.

      • dependencyinjection@discuss.tchncs.de
        1·
        2 days ago

        What don’t you like about most people?

        I have ADHD too and exhibit some narcissistic tendencies and I find that I don’t like socialising when I’m tired, struggling to not obsess over a new hobby (like playing a new game, I need to make a conscious effort to see friends and stuff), or just burnt out.

        I like to think that I have a social battery and if I don’t charge that up then I’ll be like this.

        You should pay particular attention to how I said make a conscious effort to see friends. As friendship is a two way relationship and you have to put effort into them.

        It could also be that you have the wrong friend group, unlikely, but possible. I’ve come to realise ghat all my friends of decades, are selfish and don’t make the same considerations as I do when thinking about them. Time keeping for instance. If I was going to pick up a friend I would be on time and I would message them to come out once I’m 1 min away. Whereas my friends will be late, not update me on time scales and tell me to come out when they’re still 10 minutes away. Meaning that they’re not really thinking about my needs and weighing them against their own, and rather are just thinking of themselves.