I’m 21/male and already lived on my own but I was forced to move back to my toxic parents 2 years ago because I wasn’t able to live on my own because of my depression that was caused by the trauma from my parents (the only alternative I had was being homeless).
I was taken away from my parents when I was 12 and the fact that I now live with the people again who are the cause of my misery makes me feel like I’m paralyzed and I don’t know how to escape this situation.
I’m a very sensitive person and always seek positivity and thoughtful interactions. Especially my dad is the exact opposite of that and is the most direct and rude person I ever met in my life. Every time my dad see’s me he lectures and devalues me in the most direct and aggressive tone imaginable to the point where I’m too afraid to leave my room when he’s in the house. He even criticizes me when I don’t touch the door properly and leave fingerprints or when I left a few water drops at the sink as if I murdered someone and he leaves threatening messages on paper across the house. And everywhere he goes he spreads negative energy. (I’m obviously not doing anything wrong and he’s just dissatisfied with himself and he makes way bigger/actual mistakes.)
As a highly sensitive and reactive person this makes me deeply depressed and makes me feel I’m incapable of escaping it on my own. I know that I have potential but I can’t use it because the circumstances are paralyzing me. It’s like being trapped in hell and the fact that this hell is so damaging/hurtful to me makes me unable to escape. I feel like it’s destroying me!
I have already decided I would rather live in a homeless shelter than with my parents. I have generally done okay when I have lived in homeless shelters, and I have done extremely poorly when I’ve lived with my parents.
Despite the material difficulty, psychologically the shelter is a much better environment for me.
Is this an option for you? Our society does have systems to help you out, if you don’t want to rely on your parents.
Thanks for the tip but I think I’m probably too sensitive for that. But I’m considering it
I think there won’t be a solution that’s painless. All through life we find ourselves with choices full of compromise. I think take a hard look at all your choices and decide which has less pain. Then start finding ways to mitigate the pain you do have to live with.
Totally a made up example: life sucks at home, so get a job that keeps you busy out of the house for as long as possible.
True!
I was quite sensitive at your age. It took me a while to discover it, but I found that I was far more sensitive to psychological toxicity than I was to physical difficulty.
At the shelter I had to deal with:
Overall that was hard, but it was easy compared to dealing with the decades of psychological horseshit that had built up between me and my parents.
It was spartan living conditions, but I was healthy and optimistic when I was there. Lots of other guys in there were not healthy and optimistic.
That’s just my own experience. And this is coming from someone who considered himself quite sensitive. As a kid I never did anything physically dangerous because I was too afraid of injury. I was a “wuss” as a kid.
Staying at the homeless shelter was surprisingly easy for me. A far less dangerous environment than my home.
Plus it was an aventure that helped me find out who I want to be in life. I pride myself now on my toughness, and in knowing what I need and what’s just nice to have. Turns out I need an environment in which I’m not being psychologically tortured, I need a system of boundaries and incentives that’s clear, and it’s merely nice to have a bathtub where I can take hot baths, and a kitchen where I can cook, etc.
I still consider myself sensitive, but not to cold showers and physical danger. What I’m sensitive to is people loading on my empathy with unclear, neurotic, angst relating styles.
I’m totally sensitive to the kind of depression I get when staying with family. I’m not so sensitive to deprivation and challenge.