I’m going back and forth between feeling panicky because I am postponing a lot of serious talks and feeling weirdly calm.

At least work is okay at the moment, but even there I have moments of feeling panicked, like when my coworkers review my code and I feel worthless all of a sudden (even though rationally I know they are nice people that give me feedback with the best intentions).

I’ve realised that the past couple months, when things go wrong, I blame myself because the thought of confronting others just scares me so much. And it’s getting worse. I’ve been thinking maybe I need therapy?

Unfortunately previous experiences talking to mental health professionals have made me wary because in this country being a functioning adult means that your issues aren’t serious enough to warrant intervention. On the other hand I guess I know how to answer their questions in a way that makes them more likely to help me.

Idk I just feel very stuck and would love to not be stuck but also don’t really see a way out of this. I guess I’m hoping for a breaking point to magically appear so I have an excuse to open up about things to people around me 😕