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So, is Satan so busy that he only gets to fuck once a year? Or is Halloween the one day of the year he’s not practicing safe sex?
I never thought about this before, but it seems somehow important.
Also, “his bride”? Not his wife or girlfriend? Does he get married to a new person every year?
This whole situation feels too oddly wholesome for these people to be so upset. Straight? Check. Married? Check. Planned and wanted pregnancy from someone with a lot of power? Check! The father is the literal devil? Fuck that, apparently! Get out of here, you model-citizen demon!
Also, to whomever wrote that note: I’m glad y’all don’t like walking in front of my house. You’re literally the worse. I’d rather hang out with Satan and his bride than you judgmental prudes.
I have no scientific proof, but people that act out like this always have something to hide. The first boss I ever had would come in every day and quote from the Bible during the last 15-20 minutes of my shift. I actually fell for his rap and believed that he was a righteous God fearing family man. I was sixteen and somewhat religious myself. One day I got up from my desk as I needed some office supplies. As I walked by his deserted secretary’s desk and neared his door, I was just about to knock when I heard him softly calling out to God. I paused for a second thinking that it might not be a good time to interrupt as he might be reading the Bible. As I stood there like a dummy, I quickly realized he was getting a blowie from his secretary. This event made a huge impact on me and I quit a few days later.
I’m more scared of the person who would write this letter and their apparent torch lit mob than of “satan”.
I couldn’t help but imagine a gargantuan crimson horror beyond human imagination, with tears in its eyes and phlegm flowing from various orifices, exasperatedly yelling “what else do I have to do to make you people like me!?”
Maybe it’s a “bride of Frankenstein” thing. More of a title than anything.
Though this is the devil they’re talking about. Satan could be getting divorced every year and remarrying, or just straight up adding a new “sister-wife” annually.
I legit have not thought this much about real world religion in years.
Same. Now I’m wondering how many kids he has and what their names are.
I wonder if Satan is open to adoption, plenty of people have been called the child of Satan so why not make it official
I am betting not many. What are the odds that hell doesn’t have a for profit healthcare system? Slim to none especially given where health insurance adjusters end up.
Why would satan bother getting married at all?
Tax advantages, I imagine.
Even Satan knows not to cross the IRS.
I find it hard to believe that Satan doesn’t live in sin with his gf.
Maybe she dies in childbirth
So Satan has a harem of girls
I’M THE HEAD DEMON PRINCE OF HELL WITH A CUTE HAREM OF GIRLS BUT CAN ONLY HAVE ONE BRIDE?!!
Anime title writers: “write that down write that down!”
You kind of HAVE TO have a Satan and bride honeymoon theme now don’t you?
oh I would have upside down crosses all over my yard. I would up the horror game so much that they would sue me.
One year I had a house party with around 80 people. The church across the street (uphill) called the cops on me - twice. So on Halloween I burned a pentagram into my front lawn with a cleaning agent iirc(?) for them to gaze down upon for the next two months until it snowed. They never bothered me again after that. It’s good to set boundaries.
I’d have that framed and hang it up every year as a badge of honor. This person won Halloween 👏👏👏
I am a very concerned resident regarding your horrifying and demonic array every Halloween.
This is not a happy time of year.
In fact it is the time when Satan Impregnates his bride.
you need to consider what you are doing as it is affecting many of the neighbours in this area.
Some of us dread walking by your house
For anyone who wants to use this as a copypasta
I’m so sick of all religions
Does that include Buddhism? If so why?
Does that include Buddhism?
Yes.
If so why?
Have you read what is happening in Myanmar?
Becasue every religion has been used as a tool of oppression, including Buddhism.
I have not read about Myanmar. Care to elaborate?
No. You made a sweeping defence of Buddhism. Implying you know it is not like other religions, so I think you should do some reading.
No I asked a question. I didn’t defend shit. You’re too damn sensitive.
I don’t understand how this pertains to Buddhism. Myanmar, a brutal authoritarian country ruled by a military autocratic junta is committing atrocities against its population, both Buddhist and Muslim.
Unlike Abrahamic religions, there is not a single part of Buddha’s teachings nor a single school of Buddhism that would condone this. Myanmar happens to be a Buddhist country, whose government acts this way. The bible, the q’ran and the tora all incite violence on some sort of people, be it gays, polytheists, infidels, apostates, you name it, but not a single word in Buddhism ever speaks in favor of violence.
Seems like a stretch to peg this on Buddhism. If Myanmar was not Buddhist, they would act the exact same way. This is more a Myanmar thing, rather than a Buddhist thing. This is like ascribing Nazi crimes to Christianity because Germans happened to be Christians during Nazi rule. The crimes derive from governmental nationalism operation, not from religious teachings. The bible god may have said that gays deserve to die, but did not say Jews deserve to be killed. Crusades and the inquisition are Christian crimes, Nazism is an ideology crime, same as Myanmar nationalism.
If you knew anything about Buddhism, you would know that violence goes against everything Buddhists believe. There is no justified violence in Buddhism. There is no right justification to be violent in Buddhism. Being violent is proof you do not understand Buddhism in any way. I challenge anyone to bring me proof of any teachings of Buddha that condones what is happening in Myanmar. Literally any verse, any koan, any quote, anything at all. Anything that shows that Buddhism encouraged Myanmar to act this way. If someone who calls themselves Buddhist goes around murdering people, even though in all history of Buddhism, never once violence was called for in any teachings, can you honestly say it is Buddhism that is flawed here ? Can you be intellectually honest and still say Buddhism incited Myanmar to commit genocide ?
“Satan impregnates his bride” is a new one. I hope the pregnancy goes well for them lol
Especially, as the sender is most likely anti-abortion.
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lol that got me too . like… I’m pretty sure you made that up
I’d adapt the decorations to include an unholy marriage theme.
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Needs to become a copypasta
In what fictional D-list movie universe do they live in where satan impregnates a bride on Halloween?
Also I thought Satan was evil… wouldnt it make more sense for him to impregnate someone who isn’t his bride, perhaps even through non consensual means?
If you’re going to be the face of evil might as well do the sin part properly.
Right? At least make it sex before marriage!
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Every year. How many anti-Christs are there at this point?
Well obviously Satan gets an abortion every time
God damnit, take my upvote.
The irony is it probably stems from some pagan belief and has nothing to do with Christianity.
Halloween is not a fertility festival, it is a fall harvest festival. Like Oktoberfest.
The fertility festival is in Spring, and it’s called May Day.
The Oktoberfest is not a fertility festival. It was created to celebrate a royal wedding. The German fertility festival is called „Erntedank“ (~“thanks for the harvest”).
Yeah I know. It just doesn’t sound like anything in the Bible so I assume it’s some weird bastardization of paganism. Or just completely made up.
I’m only saying this because all the cool parts of “Christian” holidays like the Easter bunny and much of Christmas come straight from paganism.
*Beltane
I’m familiar with paganism, that doesn’t make sense either
Paganism is just a Christian catch-all though for all non-abrahamic religions.
umm through the lens of Christianity sure
It’s a word coined by Christians specifically to convey that idea, so yea that’s usually the lens we’d be talking about when using the term
Satan is married?
If I got a letter like this I would put up a decoration of a big foam Satan “hugging” his bride. Since it’s not technically obscene they can’t remove it without banning all religious imagery in the area, win:win. I might even keep it up permanently.
What’s this about Satan’s bride?
I dunno but it sounds kinky
Hey they’re married and it’s for reproductive purposes! That’s almost as Catholic as a priest and a choirboy!
she must be a very lucky woman
My eyes just rolled so hard I think I need to schedule an appointment with my optometrist.
Eyes rolling back into your head is probably just regular ol Satan possession.
Super normal in October.
Especially normal if you’re Satan’s bride.
Now I’m picturing that scene from “The Stand” with Laura San Giacomo.
What a fucking fruitcake
