cross-posted from: https://lemmy.blahaj.zone/post/20684850
My friend Ana (15F) is generally a nice person, but she can be a little weird with some things, specifically Gym. Ana does not like taking accountability for her own mistakes, nor does she seem to believe/accept that she can be wrong sometimes.
Ana constantly blames others (like me) for things like her serving the volleyball behind herself instead of over the net, for example.
When I pass to someone and they end up missing in basketball, she blames me for passing to them and not her.
If I end up winning a point, she sarcastically slow claps and says “Wow. You finally did something useful for once.”
She gets mad at me for setting or spiking a volleyball that’s too high for me to bump as well, saying she’s better than everyone, that everyone is useless, and that I was actually supposed to bump it down low.
She makes sure to remind people how terrible they are and how she’s better than them, too. Ana has anger issues (she says it’s because of her parents) and while she acts like nothing happened/apologizes in the next period, she does the same things again and again since around 12 years old. I like Ana as a friend but I hate when she yells at me and others for everything.
I agree that you should talk to her in a calm and friendly manner and situation outside of school if possible. It is important to understand though that almost noone acts like an asshole without having an unfullfilled need being the reason behind it. Understanding what it is that she needs instead of just telling her to stop without actually filling that lack of love/praise/… will help you both. Try to open the conversation in a sense of you feeling something is off with her and wanting her to feel good, instead of you telling her that she is doing something wrong. That obviously triggers her in some kind of way and will make for a rocky start. I think it’s great that you don’t judge her but instead are looking for advise. I would have needed a friend like you when I was that age.
Since I work with teenagers I might have some insight but it could be a completely different reason so idk, take this for what it is: my mostly uneducated opinion: From what you described in your post to me it seems like she is craving praise in a sports context. Maybe she feels like she is not good enough or has been told that by her family. Not being able to compliment you for winning a point could be a sign of that and her jealousy towards others being praised. Maybe she is comparing herself to a sibling that seems to be getting more attention from a parent because of their fitness abilities. Maybe she is angry at something completely different and it just shows during sports because of the atmosphere and high energy levels.
There’s a lot to be said for pulling someone aside and saying in a calm, friendly voice, “look, you’re my friend, so I say this in the spirit of friendship. You’re acting like an asshole. It’s time to stop before you end up pissing everyone off.”
Why are you friends with this asshole?
Good point. She has issues and stuff and I kinda want to be there for her. She’s nice any other time.
“X hits me when I do this or that or when X fails to do this or that, but whenever X does not hit me, X is really nice”
