I know it’s easy to believe there’s some consistency there in the form of consistent hatred, but they actually aren’t consistent in their hatred.

I agree with your premise philosophically: They demand that you must have every man trait, to be a man; and similarly for woman traits, to be a woman.

But, consider: only a tiny subset of people would ever be men or women in this formulation. If they believed this strictly and consistently, if they enforced it socially, they would be hopelessly outnumbered. Nobody would ever join the fascism club because nobody would be able to. They’d be wiped out quickly, too, because there would be very few opportunities to pass this ethos down to a following generation.

So in its application, they let all the rules go out the window, as long as you’re saying you agree with them. Jewish person joining an anti-semitic hate group? You’re on the team. Trans person calling for the end of trans healthcare? Welcome aboard. Latino group that opposes immigration? Come on in.

Fascism is about claiming you stand for one thing (which is, due to the nature of fascism, some kind of hate). But then actually taking in any person who is strategically useful to you as long as they don’t rock the boat. The second there’s a good reason to eject someone from the boat, they walk the plank. When it comes to gender, they’ll accept any number of “disqualifying” characteristics–tall and broad-shouldered women, effeminate intellectual men, even literal trans people–as long as you’re on board with hating the bad person of the week.