- cross-posted to:
- worldnews@lemmit.online
- cross-posted to:
- worldnews@lemmit.online
Scientists in Brazil are developing the first vaccine that could help break cocaine addiction::The vaccine is designed to help produce anti-cocaine antibodies in the body of a person who is chemically dependent on the substance.
I’ve been doing that for a decade now at least. (Taking a pill that is).
You have to want to be sober though. I could get a slight buzz from opiates these days if I tried hard enough. It might make me sick, but if it don’t it would only last for about 15 minutes and then I’d have a headache all day after spending 300 bucks to get there.
I’d say fentanyl has made that a little more complicated. It wasn’t easy to acquire when I quit. I only ever heard of the patches.
I’m proud of you! I’ve known too many people that succumbed to opiates (two cousins on opposite sides of the family, three former roommates at different times, a girlfriend, her friend. “Luckily” only one of them died (permanently, my cousin apparently died but they were able to bring him back).
I fucked around with opiates a lot in college (due to the aforementioned people I lived with and knew) but luckily never got into long term addiction, my body is apparently odd and withdrawal symptoms would kick in the next day if I did more than about 22 mg or so of oxycodone (sounds like an odd number, but it’s about 3/4 of a 30 mg Roxicet), anything less than that and I was fine. I woke up feeling like absolute ass one day and asked my gf (more like an unofficial girlfriend, good friends and fuck buddies) if she had some I could take to test a theory (that I was going through withdrawal), she said she would give me like 5 mg. I snorted that and the shittiness was gone immediately. I immediately was like “well this isn’t good…” but at least I knew what opiate withdrawal felt like… and it’s absolutely fucking miserable. I dealt with it for like a day or so, I can’t imagine being like that for days or weeks on end, after that experience it’s completely obvious why people relapse. I hadnt touched them in about a decade until I had hernia surgery and luckily this isn’t going the way you think it is. I knew my limits (about 12-15 mg to get that nice, warm, buzz and itchy goodness) so I popped three percs… And then felt like shit and puked my guts up, which is exactly what I wanted to do after having a doctor make a 4 inch incision in my lower abdomen. I ended up taking one or two if I really needed it, but it turned out most of the pain was caused by the bandage, and not the surgery itself! Last month I had a nasty case of bronchitis, cough medicine wouldn’t do shit. My mom found percs my dad had from surgery years ago so I started taking them for the cough, which worked wonders. I also enjoyed the high, but once they were gone, I had no urge to do more, which was wonderful.
Just like you said, you have to want to get help otherwise it’s futile. It’s the same with mental health. If you’re being forced into it, you’re not going to put your “all” into it.
I’m assuming you were doing pills because $300 on heroin is a lot of dope. We could get a bundle for like $50-75. 30 mg Roxys were like $25 a pill though.
Yeah pills were the primary thing I did really. Heroin wasn’t common in my area until around the end of my addiction so it was something I did for a very short time.
I’m a broken person, really. I’m 38 but I’m still a child. If a road presents itself to me and I’m interested, I’ll take it, but I don’t go out actively looking because my anxiety prevents me from taking control. I would have never been able to get sober without the right circumstances.
I took suboxone off the street for several years. I’d find someone and pay for their treatment for half of what they were prescribed.
When my ex and I split she ended up being committed by her family and they took my daughter. She never used drugs, but she had severe mental problems. We ended up in court together fighting to get her back from them. It was crazy how easy it was for them to take her. At that point they had no idea about my issues with drugs because I had managed to maintain my life well enough to hide it. They went to the police and told them I had held my family hostage with a knife. It never happened so of course they had no evidence. Didn’t matter. A protective order was issued and I was unable to go anywhere near my daughter.
While we were in court they tricked her into signing a paper granting them permission to see her medical records. She figured it would just be silly shit like, “had this illness on this day, was hospitalized for a bacterial infection.” Just something to prove she had no substance abuse issues. I signed too because I hadn’t even been to the doctor since I was a kid.
Well, they got her therapy records. They were able to see all of it. The lies, the truth. It didn’t matter. Because they were therapy records they were treated as gospel. She had told her therapist about my drug problems, her use of psychedelics in the past, and that I had pretty much kept her prisoner for over a decade and regularly beat and abused her. She was diagnosed with BPD, so I wasn’t surprised by the exaggerations, but I was surprised that they took it seriously in court. I knew she had told everyone I was a monster. She had been running a smear campaign since the day I caught her cheating. She didn’t want people to think she did anything wrong. Whatever, I don’t hate her for it. Her life, her story. It’s whatever.
Because she told her therapist that I was a drug user they tested me. The judge asked me if I was going to fail. I told her that I’d been using suboxone to stay clean for years, just not legally, but if she would get me into a program I would take it seriously and do things legally.
The judge got me into the program and I’ve been there since. I’ve never failed a drug test and I’m not required to do therapy or groups any more.
As hard as all that was, I’m thankful for it.
Unfortunately my ex passed away from breast cancer last year. I was worried her family would try to take our daughter, but they know that I fully complied with the judge and did everything she asked me to do, so they haven’t.
She goes and stays with her step dad still. My ex got really lucky finding him. He’s a wonderful dude who loves my daughter almost as much as I do.
Sorry for the book. :p
Thank you for your comment. I hope you’re having a good week.
Damn man, I feel for you. I just turned 38, and I know the custody struggles. My brother got involved with this girl 8 years younger than him about ten years ago and they dated on and off, always had issues. They willingly had a kid, and then once she was born all hell broke loose and the mother “became” crazy (she was always crazy but hid it well, idk exactly what her issues are, but she’s an only child and she lives with her mom in their trailer even though she’s like 32 and dropped out of high school apparently because people made fun of her voice a lot, it’s kinda high pitched and nasally). She became extremely possessive of her daughter, saying things like “this is my baby!” to my brother, not letting him do things with her while she wasn’t around , and a whole bunch of other shit. My brother isn’t an alcoholic but he does like to drink, he’s had 2 DUIs in the past, and she used that against him constantly. My brother said something he didn’t mean which she considered a threat against life (he was frustrated and said “I’m wanna fucking kill you right now” or something like that, that’s the way he expresses his frustration and has to her in the past I guess). The cops came, found his little bit of weed, 5 registered guns… and an antique pistol that wasn’t registered, which is a felony. He spent 3 days in jail for that shit. After that it was “mother’s rights” so she got to keep the kid in her trailer, instead of my brother’s 1 story house. He had to have surprised visitation for like 2 years, along with probation for like a year. During all of this she even concocted false stories about him and about my mother (the sweetest, most caring person in the world that was a respected special education teacher for 35 years). Long story slightly shorter: they went to court, my mom and brother won, which meant shared custody and he could take her wherever he wanted to without the mother’s permission.
I’m sorry to hear that your daughter lost her mom, but depending on how young she is, and I hate to say this, but it may have been for the better if she had BPD (I’m assuming you mean Borderline, and no BiPolar), because that’s some shit to deal with. My ex had BPD tendencies (fit most of them, except for being promiscuous) and she was friends with my nieces mom, which we always thought was odd since they lived about 2 hours apart, but they were around the same age and talked on Facebook a lot. My ex never hid it, it came out right after we started dating. Luckily I never knocked her up! If I’m reading this correctly you have full custody of her which is awesome, and it’s always great to have another parental figure around.
I end up writing books as well, I get too deep into something, and when I’m done, I’ll look up and be like “I just wrote 5 paragraphs they’re never gonna read this” but most of the time they actually do!
It sounds like you’ve had a hell of a life up until now, but things are finally starting too look up for you, keep your chin up, you got this 😉
I moved down to Miami 2 weeks ago, so things are going pretty good for me at the moment, I just gotta find a job, and tackle this life long insomnia. I just took 20 mg of Ambien and I’m still awake WTF… Usually 15 mg knocks me out whether I want it to or not.
Stay safe buddy, here’s to good things for us 🍻
I hope you end up liking the new place.
My ex is dead and can’t defend herself, so I find it harder to be critical of her these days, but reality is reality.
She had borderline personality disorder. When she was first diagnosed she told me she had it, once she done some reading and had to come face to face with what was going on with her, I was a goddamn liar and she never was diagnosed with that, it was bipolar. Haha. What a ride we all went on.
My poor daughter has been through it. Her mom was hyper critical over everything she done. My kid is a lot to deal with. She’s tough. She’s arrogant. She’s lazy. She’s a teenager, really. She’s a damn good kid though, she doesn’t go out getting into any trouble. She’s creative, brilliant, and all around just a beautiful person. My ex put a magnifying glass over all of her worst traits and just tortured her with it. It was all or nothing. She projected her own insecurities onto her bad. She actually said to me, “I don’t know what’s wrong with the culture today. If I didn’t go to school looking just right, kids bullied me until I fucking got it. If they won’t fucking tell her she’s a slob I will. If they won’t bully her into caring about what she looks like then I fucking will.”
She had been suffering from breast cancer for a year when she said that to me. I tiptoed around her because she already had so much to deal with. I told my daughter, “Honey, your mom is sick and she’s in a lot of pain. She’s going through a lot. Just hang in there.” My daughter said, “I don’t have cancer, but I’m dealing with it too. I can’t sleep for her crying all night. It’s hard to have sympathy or empathy for a bully. It all got to stop for you when you moved out. I couldn’t leave her no matter how bad I wanted to. Imagine she was your mom.”
I cried myself to sleep that night, I’m actually struggling to keep it together just typing it.
I made my mind up. I was going to be sweet about it somehow and talk to my ex. It was, unfortunately, the last time I ever heard her voice.
She called me going off about our daughter and she called her a skank. I tried the nice route, “Listen, I know you’re worried about her but she’s a kid. It’s normal for teenagers to skip a shower or want to dress in a way that makes them stand out.” She just kept yelling and saying nasty things about her and I snapped. I said, “You know, I figured dealing with something as big and heavy as you’re dealing with right now would have humbled you just a little bit. It stops now. You treat her how you want to be treated or we’re going to court. Do you want her to remember you as a monster screaming from her deathbed if you don’t make it?” Her fiancé had been listening in and I didn’t know it. He snapped, “Alright, the phone call ends now!” I pleaded with him, “Bro, listen, she’s my ex. Anything I say is going to come off like some personal attack. Tell her it’s wrong, for the love of god tell her.” He said, “Babe, it’s wrong. It’s gotta stop. You’re breaking her.”
She started crying and the conversation shifted. She listened to me after that. I told her, “With all you’re dealing with, just let me do the parenting. You get to know her and let her get to really know you. Get close to her before you can’t.” For the last two weeks of her life she spent it being sweet to our daughter. She tried to watch all of the Harry Potter movies with her, stopped nagging her and just spent time with her.
I wish I had spoke up sooner. I was just so afraid to make things harder for her. She was literally living in hell. She had no skin from her armpit to her belly. The chemo had her in near constant agony.
Man, my daughter has lived through it.
To go back in time a bit though, before she got sick.
I found out after I caught her cheating that she’d been doing it for years. I’d be her favorite person for awhile and I was god, then she’d hate my guts for awhile and do her thing. It wasn’t uncommon for her to leave me at least once or twice a year, and she was usually running around when she did. I never believed she would. The BPD love bomb really convinces a person that no one on that planet is loved like they are. Once I caught her it opened a floodgate. It wasn’t a secret any more. She knew how I was going to respond so she wasn’t in fear of that any longer. She believed that she could carry on doing it and I’d just keep forgiving her. She even got brazen enough at one point to convince me that she was going to see a band with a close friend (who I later learned was assisting her in her adventures) and had me drive her to the place. She told me they closed at 2 AM and she’d be waiting for me to get her. I showed up to an empty bar with a closed sign, they closed no later than 10PM (brewery in a small town with a stage). She disappeared until around 1-2PM the next day. That was the last time. I moved out and nothing could convince me to go back. The guy she went home with that night is the guy she was with when she died.
He is a great man. He really is. She was lucky he was the one she ran into.
My daughter says she wouldn’t change anything. She feels guilty and she wishes she could have been closer with her mom, but she wouldn’t go back. I love my mom, I can’t imagine having to feel that way. My mom was rough, but she never beat me down emotionally.
I just turned 38 too. I thought I was 39, got some wires crossed. I got a whole extra year haha.
Damn man, that’s a lot to deal with, no wonder you had to escape with opiates. I’m not gonna lie, I was tearing up when writing my response to you before and reading that made me tear up as well. I feel for you guys because that shit hurts at a core level, my ex did a number on me, but nothing close to what you and your daughter had to deal with. I’m glad you guys are in a better place now and haven’t decided to hang on to hate and anger.