By “party”, I mean a physical social gathering of people for the purposes of having fun. It may be used in a sentence as “I am throwing a party!” or “Let’s party!”.
Basically what I am trying to say is the default “party”.

I’ve never been to any, and I have no idea how people spend their time on parties, so I am curious how you did.

  • @Jimbabwe@lemmy.mlEnglish
    212•1 year ago

    Since I didn’t see any responses that directly answered the question of what do you DO, I’ve prepared a short guide for a generic social gathering. This guide may be inappropriate in some contexts such as a dinner party or event/tv show watching party, etcetera:

    1. Show up
    • Not at the exact start time, but at a minimum of 15-20 minutes “late”
    • Bringing an unopened bottle of wine or a 6-pack of beer, or another drink of choice is almost always a classy move.
    • If you drove, don’t park like an asshole. Consider the neighbors.
    • If you’re standing on the doorstep and you can hear music, it’s probably safe to just walk in (make sure you’re at the right place!). Otherwise, knock/ring doorbell.
    1. Party!
    • Get yourself a drink and/or a plate of food if snacks are out
    • Find friends and say hi! You should probably know at least one other person. How else would you have been invited?
    • Explore! Hosts expect people in their house so it’s generally okay to look around, admire artwork, investigate the music, go into the backyard, etc. Don’t go anywhere that’s obviously closed off, unlit, or otherwise not a party locale.
    • Talk and socialize. Meet new people! Ask your friend(s) to introduce you to their friend(s). Lightly eavesdrop on convos for something interesting you can talk about. Listen in general. Ask people what they like to do. Share stories about yourself! Pro tip: the length of your stories should be proportional to how well you know the person you’re telling it to. Just met the person? Suuuuper short stories. “No way! That reminds me of the time my cat was in the bathroom when she got hit by a car! The vet said she was very lucky to have a good friend!” (Confession: I used autocomplete to write that story)
    • Dance!
    • Find the host and complement their place, the party, the music, food, whatever. Just be nice. Offer to help if they look at all stressed.
    • Play party games like beer pong or whatever.
    1. Leave! Say thanks. Take your stuff. Cleanup whatever plates/glasses you’ve used. Don’t drive drunk. Don’t overstay your welcome.

    This was probably too much info. I have insomnia. I hope someone reads this.

    • Caveman
      20•1 year ago

      I have some details that could supplement the outline.

      Just for reference. Talk and socialise genarally take up anywhere from 80-95% of total time spent at parties. Generally most other activities include socialising even though they’re structured. Beer pong you talk about beer pong and/or make fun of people’s throws as well as just regular talking.

      For neurodivergent people I recommend searching areas with fewer people, smoking is very convenient in those situations for a break between 3 sets of talking 10 minutes. Alcohol really helps too since it removes some of the talking friction. Dancing is also a good option since it’s less talking and is a structured activity that’s well received at most parties.

      I enjoy parties as a charge of pace and getting rid of loneliness for example. Talking to friends and ignoring the rest is also fun but parties are exhausting imo.

    • @moreeni@lemm.ee
      7•1 year ago

      You’re not the first one saying a person should arrive late. Why is this a thing? Is it just a cultural norm in the West? Or is it a thing everywhere?

      • @moody
        6•1 year ago

        Not late late, just late enough that the host has had time to make sure everything is in order, or just to not be the first guest to show up.

        Usually a party lasts at least a few hours, so showing up 30 minutes after the start of the party isn’t “being late,” it’s just showing up to a party in progress. Unless it’s a specifically scheduled “arrive at 8pm” kind of affair, in which case the host would mention it and you’d be expected to be there at that time.

        • @sim_@beehaw.org
          9•1 year ago

          I’d add it also depends on your familiarity with the host. Most hosts don’t appreciate if the first guest is a friend of a friend or distant coworker that they feel obliged to entertain while still busy with final preparations. Whereas if you’re a good friend, they can (often) feel more comfortable saying yeah make yourself at home I’ve got last minute things to do.

      • SeventyTwoTrillion [he/him]English
        5•1 year ago

        Because arriving at a party when there’s not many people around can be awkward especially if you aren’t already friends with the host. So you wait for more people to arrive first.

      • @sim_@beehaw.org
        4•1 year ago

        I imagine it’s an even looser norm in places outside the west, considering the west tends to view time/punctuality as more “concrete” than some others. For some of my friends born outside the west, if we tell them the actual start time of an event we shouldn’t expect them any sooner than an hour after that lol.

      • @xmunk@sh.itjust.works
        2•1 year ago

        It’s a really weird thing and something you should carefully consider based on the type of party. The 15 minutes late advice only really applies to getting drunk parties in college.

        • @intensely_human@lemm.ee
          1•1 year ago

          Yeah if this party is in the Situation Room with the President, you should show up a little early.

          Nothing’s quite so awkward as showing up already drunk, dressed wrong, and 25 minutes late to a special briefing about the volcano erupting in Cleveland.

      • @sim_@beehaw.org
        6•1 year ago

        I mean, it doesn’t sound fun written out in bullets but parties are usually a great time for my own socially anxious neurodivergent ass lol. That said, besides work events, I haven’t gone to a party where I don’t already know most of the people in years. Jumping alone into a convo of strangers is my hell.

      • @calypsopub@lemmy.world
        5•1 year ago

        As a neurodivergent, I get through these events by pretending to be an alien anthropologist trying to blend in and study humans. Conversations are usually easy to start by asking, “So, how do you know the host?” Most people enjoy talking about themselves, so if you nod and listen, you’ll be popular.

        Occasionally you’ll meet someone truly interesting. Arrange to meet with them later and follow up. This is pretty much the best way to make friends in the modern age, with intentionality.

      • @rgb3x3@beehaw.org
        4•1 year ago

        At the “talk and socialize” bullet, I was imagining sidling up to some group I don’t know, eavesdropping on their conversation, and standing there like a creep trying to figure out the best time to say anything relevant to contribute, but failing and standing awkwardly in silence until I just walk away.

        I’ll stay home, thanks.

        • @Jimbabwe@lemmy.mlEnglish
          10•1 year ago

          Haha, I can definitely understand this feeling. It can be difficult to overcome! It doesn’t always “work”, and sometimes you will just stand there awkwardly. The good news is that nobody is going to care or remember. Seriously. You’re basically an NPC to people you don’t know. I’ve been to hundreds of parties in my life and have zero tangible memories of other people’s “awkward proximity”. Nobody cares about you as much as you do, which is slightly sad but majorly liberating.

        • @intensely_human@lemm.ee
          2•1 year ago

          The part where you screw up is seeing yourself as a creep.

          I understand others have probably said that to you enough times you just internalized it but you gotta stop believing people when they tear you down.

      • @xmunk@sh.itjust.works
        3•1 year ago

        Good parties are wonderful, the type of party described above does sound miserable but you can choose which parties you want to attend. Personally I like parties that revolve around board games and interesting conversations where the only real social rule is to bring something: cheeses, an appetizer, weird booze, just something so all the provisions aren’t the sole duty of the host.

      • @folkrav@lemmy.world
        1•1 year ago

        I’m ADHD, never investigated but scoring high on ASD assessments. It can be fun, with the right people. It wholly depends on who’s there. I’m usually with the people sitting outside, having fun conversations over a beer and/or a joint. It’s just the genetic term for “gathering where there’s food and substances”. You’ll find that you can often meet other NDs overwhelmed by the amount of people and music waiting for you over there. Chill times.

        • @folkrav@lemmy.world
          4•1 year ago

          Reading comprehension seems difficult, so I’ll go over it again, quoted verbatim from my previous comment:

          ADHD, never investigated but scoring high on ASD assessments

          Here’s what you can deduce from this sentence:

          • I’m ADHD
          • I scored high on ASD assessment tests
          • Never got diagnosed for it (it being ASD)

          Here’s what you can’t deduce from this sentence:

          • “random online tests”: the self-assessment tests I made were provided by both my family doc and official governmental health resources
          • that I don’t have something because I don’t currently have an official diagnosis: do you think people with cancer don’t have cancer until a doctor says so? I spoke with professionals, but I’d need an adult assessment. Neuropsychiatric resources are already scarce for children as is it, getting an appointment for an adult over here is a rather difficult and time consuming process, for, in my case, discutable benefits

          Why do you do this?

          • @intensely_human@lemm.ee
            2•1 year ago

            My least favorite thing in the entire universe is having to take time to explicitly spell out what I’m not saying.

            I fucking hate that people can’t stop reading extra shit I didn’t write.