I have anger issues, which I can’t control. I am considered conventionally attractive (though I don’t see it) and many people think I’m cool and want to be around me.
Like I said, though, I have anger issues where I will act quite aggressively towards people. One time, someone I knew said hi to me, so I screamed “I HEARD YOU”. I also tend to type very dryly and with periods when I’m upset (which is admittedly ~90% of the time but I can’t control that).
My friend doesn’t talk to me as much and I really don’t get why because even when I’m “aggressive”, it’s tough love and I’m trying to help them. If I didn’t love her, I wouldn’t be like that.
I’m even like this with guys I’ve dated and I love them not as brothers.
Women also piss me off more than men do, so I hang out more with them because I feel like they get me and aren’t as bitchy. (Part of the reason why I’m bi curious but never found a woman I’d date, excluding one I almost went out with).
While I do tend to praise men and ignore women, as some people say, it’s tough love since I think women should be the best versions of themselves :) [I believe this is why society is so hard on women as a whole]
But yeah, TLDR; My mood problems impact the people I care about, and I’m wondering if it’s a turn off since some people don’t want to be around me rather than loving me for me.
I have a reason for my actions, people just choose to ignore those reasons and misinterpret me.
Thank you. I’ll try to get a therapist and work on it.
Sadly, only two people want to still hang out with me and the rest are A holes. They and I like to talk about how much we hate being around people (it’s EXHAUSTINGGG) and frankly, how useless everyone is. They can lend an ear and agree with me on how it’s basically us against the world, so why can’t my other friends be as decent? It’s what I don’t get :(
That entire second paragraph… Needs to be your opening statement to your therapist. They can help you figure out what is wrong with it and how to help you.
I am no where near qualified to answer it for you.
Sounds like a bit of an echo chamber, do other people like hanging out with these two friends? If they do, maybe try emulation their behavior in those ways. If not, you may just be in a tough place with these friends enabling you in bad behavior. You already understand the problem, it’s not pleasant hanging around with someone who has infinite empathy for herself but apparently no willingness to accept others as they are without belittling them.
Friends 1 and 2 are usually kind of quiet. People spend time with Friend 1 because she’s a gamer who just emulates my behavior and “worships” me. Friend 2 is quiet and doesn’t seem to have many friends besides us. She seems usually sweet, though.
So it sounds like they may be emulating you for their own reasons. Anger can sometimes seem like strength even though it’s rarely even a primary emotion, just an output for a different emotion that is more difficult or embarrassing to express like fear or frustration.
I know you say you can’t help how you feel, but it might still be worth acknowledging that you recognize that it’s detrimental expression so you don’t drag them down. You may not be able to help it in the moment but that doesn’t mean you don’t recognize it afterwards and have the opportunity to acknowledge it.
On the other hand if you really think it’s justified and you shouldn’t have to apologize i would strongly encourage you to think of the analogy of someone doing the same thing but physically. If you went around kicking and punching everyone who you felt was weaker and needed ‘toughening up’, you might be just as justified, but could maybe understand why people would tend to shy away from you. Not everyone, some people like the abuse and some take shelter by being the bullies friend hoping they’ll be protected from the worst of it if they join in… And they desperately want friends too.