I’m going to be 35 and nothing changes my life has been a boring slow downward spiral. Sometimes I welcome death to take me but unless it’s a heart attack I don’t see that happening anytime soon. And I don’t feel like ending myself.
Still sexless, loveless with literary no friends and with a temp job that I dislike. I just drift in this world, I guess I could be worse, living under a bridge, but I still live with my mother and uncle, sleeping in a minuscule room shared with my uncle (he’s another “loser” like me in his late 40s non married living with his sister, my mom). I’m sure y’all heard this before, life is unfair, and it’s true, and I’m sure some other people out there are doing worse than me and are better “fighters” in life. But I’m not them, I’ll never be them, it’s not in me being that type of person.
Btw I’m not saying this just to get a response from you and I don’t need a “happy birthday” reply… If anything that would piss me off more due being insincere, you are not my family and you don’t care about me in the slightest (and rightfully so). But I just needed to say this to ease my pain.
Now maybe you can understand why I welcome the reaper, maybe you can tell me if you’re in a similar situation.
That shit isn’t available here and the process of visiting a doctor is awful here. Plus I’ve never done drugs, I think. I wanna keep that clean. Not for any type of moral compass but because fuck it. I don’t even smoke.
I don’t recommend trying anything you could get addicted to, I think that’s a good call. But psychedelics are non addictive and they’re starting to be used to treat depression etc. If you’re serious about not wanting to be alive, I think its not a bad idea to try that first.