BOCA RATON, Fla. — Conservative podcaster Ben Shapiro called for a boycott of Zoltar machines after his wish to become “big” went unfulfilled for the 4,000th day straight, confirmed sources who learned about this news against their will.

  • @BallsandBayonets
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    29 hours ago

    The Onion is great about sneaking in the best joke in the last sentence.