If you haven’t heard this cliche while discussing your neurodivergency with someone, then I envy your luck. Yesterday I fucked up, I feel shitty, but also I am pissed.
Our brains are impulsive af and tend to forget the most important information. We mess up, our RSD (and empathy) kicks in, we feel terrible, we vow to be more careful, but guess what? Thats fucking exhausting.
As a result, we start overthinking our every waking moment, stressing over every little thing. Because, we are trying to be aware of the things we cannot perceive.
At some point, hopefully we realize that we cannot live like that, and we start to arbitrarily ignore our compulsion to overthink. Most often that works out great because most often the threat is not real, but sometimes we make the wrong call.
The times we overthink are still more than the times we do not, and we still mess up. Let us have our fucking peace.
i had this freind, very good friend that i kinda dropped because he wasnt such a good friend after all:
he didnt believe in adhd, altough he pretty much had adhd. he drank alcohol, i took ritalin. he said i should drink instead, since i was funnier when i did. but i stopped.
to make a long story short: he said adhd is made up, ritalin is no good, what i described as mind changing is just a drug effect, and by the way, can you please stop being so goddamn unreliable?
he didnt get it till the end. adhd was like “hey squirrel” and i wasnt like that. but i was unreliable … it is just like, my charakter. no specific reason.
he would always complain about this third friend, who also has some issues - he and the third friend would work together, and the third friend would frequently have anger fits, like, illogical ones. like, losing his pen while working, and then having hour long anger issues with everybbody, while hey tried to reason with him.
I tried to explain to him that it ist about the pen at all, but about the social situation and the stress involved, and that he shouldnt always put our mutual friend in these situations when he 100% fears that our friend will have a melt down.
afterwards, he would bitch about it, like talk bad about our mutual friend.
He full on knew that our mutual friend couldnt handle a stressfull work enviroment, and put him into it regardless.
well, 3 months ago i called it quits and put a stop to all of that. walked away frome a wohle friend group.
Sometimes this is what it requires. There are good people out there, I hope you make contact with more of those instead :)
thanks. it was the first time i did that, ever. i saw that there is a power and freedom in thast decision. i said no multiple times, that was not accepted, and i walked away to show that i am not that kind of guy. it was hurtfull to learn that i was never taken serious in a “friend friend” capacity. it is true. for them, i am just a wierd sometimes obnoxious guy that talks a lot of crazy shit. i decided that i dont need to change their perception they have about me. i also realized that it is utterly pointless to discuss it with my former friend; he thinks he is morally right to abuse our friendship, he has always had very thought out buisness arguments when it came to take advantage of sourrounding people.
like, “if they dont know i overcharge them, its ok for me and them.”
keep in mind that we are talking about friends and favours.
well *uck it.
i can live without them.
Boy, that reply really got away from you huh?
i dont quite grasp what you are implying, and which reply we are talking about. but no, i am always like this. my explanation but not excuse is that i am an autistic dude with adhd. i am always on a crusade, its quite the curse. very stressfull.
I feel ya man and to be honest I understand what you are getting at more than I understand what others are trying to say, so I just wanted to point that out.
If we let others know of our limitations and they expect us to magically overcome those limitations that’s on them.
Example: I forget things ALL the time. I can’t control what I forget. I try to ensure that I do things to help me remember. But I will forget things. If I’ve explained that to someone and they still get angry with me over forgetting something, that’s their problem. My forgetfulness is far more stressful to me than it is to them and I’m not taking on any extra guilt for their unreasonable expectations of me. I’ll apologize and move on.