So my partner and I had always had really good communication. Anytime there were fears, doubts, hard life stuff, etc. We always managed to talk through it in a really healthy way. She was my rock.
About 6-8 months ago she says she’s unhappy with her job and her grandfather is really sick so she wants to be close to him before he dies. I say ok I fully support you, let’s move out there. I dont want to give too much info but the area is 24 hours of driving from where I have spent my life. I have never been anywhere near there.
So she got a 3 month temp job in the new location that she wanted to use as a networking oportunity. But I couldnt go because we could not affort to break our lease. We texted every day, called on the weekends when she had cell phone service.
I got a promotion with a sweet little relocation package to the new area. So know I knew how much we could spend on housing even if she wasnt working. This is in hindsight where the first red flag was raised. She was completely non commital on any places I showed her.
The plan was for her to come back on the 19th of August and then we’d move together. She hadnt bought a plane ticket. I already have a start date and I have to be in person for my job. She suggested that I just go, then her dad will come and they’ll drive out together. Ok whatever. If that’s how she wants to do it, then we’ll do it. Surely nothing can go wrong here because our relationship was so solid.
I forgot to mention that we talked about staying in a relative’s basement as a back up plan. So I ask, “have you talked to them about me staying there? Things are getting down to the wire”.
She suggests I reach out to my new manager and ask if there’s anybody at work I can stay with… This was the “wtf, is my life about to collapse” moment, or is she just in lala land?
Anyway skipping a head a bit she ends that convo with something along the lines of “we need to talk”
So she calls me and says “Sooo, and maybe you’ve know this for some time, but I like girls.” (I did not know this at all btw. I’ve never seen her even look at another girl that way). I say “ok, and are we moving together?” She says no, she wants to stay here to “figure things out”
I told her “had you told me this a year ago or even a month ago I would have been your biggest supporter. But you waited until the point where its extremely desctructive to what we have together and to my life in general”
She just said she was sorry over and over. I dont really remember much more.
I’m not even sure if I’m asking for advice here. But moreso wondering if anybody has heard of such a thing before.
I didn’t think a relationship with such good communication could ever just be gone so fast with no warning. And we’re in our 30s, we’re not kids. I can’t beleive that she would put me in this situation and now have to move to a place I dont know, with any support I have thousands of miles away. I’m just dumbfounded
Edit: Thank you all so much for your responses. I appreciate all of your perspectives and the effort put into your reponses. It’s incredibly helpful to know that I am not alone in this experience. I love you all.
This is not a fun situation to be in. I know the whole feeling, it’s like your entire life has exploded into a million different pieces.
When it something like this happened to me, I went through all the stages of grieving. I was jumping all around the stages, one minute everything is fine, the next minute its “This is going to get real dark” to “This is going to get real dark and I am ready to start fighting with my ex.” What I had the most trouble was getting through all the anger. It too about eight months to able to put the anger to bed. To this day, I can still rouse that anger with some effort.
Don’t let anyone tell you how you should feel about it. They weren’t the ones that spent seven years with someone building a life, having plans, and everything. All that matters is that you heal in a healthy manner.
I had to reinvent myself and embrace a new lifestyle and goals, without my ex. It took time and work to get to that point.
It sounds like she did it the worst possible way. What is important is not to learn to hate her. That hate will leave a part of you a bitter person. This will allow you to move on and embrace life in a positive manner.
As everyone has already suggested, go no contact with them. Having them in your life is never a good idea when you are trying to heal. You only asking for more problems, if they are in your life.