I noticed that too but I think the meme is constructed by juxtaposing a twitter post making the claim about how much time it would kill onto a text of someone testing the claim on their friend, so the twitter person turns out to be wrong but no fault should be applied to the text convo.

American male: I’m confident up to, but excluding the large dog. Now I’m sure there’s a good chance I could win against a large dog, but it’s not a big enough chance to call it “confident” and that’s the first animal on the list where I can see things going very poorly for me if I don’t handle the situation just right.

With the eagle, I’d probably get hurt (badly) and regret it, but what’s the chance I’d lose the fight? I mean, their bones are fragile and once a wing is broken, it’s game over for them.

Geese? We have Canada geese, amongst other species. They have a well-deserved reputation for their disagreeable personalities (especially when protecting their offspring). They can make you hurt if they wanted to, but an otherwise healthy adult human male can easily win in a fight with them as long as the human doesn’t lose his nerve.

I’d rather take on a goose than a cat/rat. Geese at least you can get a hold of easily.

Ahh I love this graph, true to the stereotypes as an American male I have spent way too long thinking about the different matchups. I think I could beat a chimpanzee, maybe… I’d have a huge weight advantage and that’s not to be laughed at. Although I think they are very strong for their weight… but humans have better endurance probably. I think once I see red and my killer instincts activate I’d wipe the floor with him.

Anyone could easily beat a king cobra in a fight if they’re able bodied, the venom doesn’t effect you instantly

This is great. I would never fuck with a goose! Although I think if you know how to grab it by the neck you’ll be OK.

Do you have the source of the graph by the way? I would love to share it.

1/3 of British people:

Americans are also some of the loudest, over-confident, self-absorbed, entitled people on the planet. Of course they believe they can take on any animal.

My apologies go out to the dozen other Americans who are cool.

Have Americans even seen what a goose does?

You’d have a hand around its neck, doing twirls for a shotput throw, and yeah, the goose goes like twenty-five meters back into the lake, and that’s fine.

But with a sinking realization as the goose fucks off, it stole your wallet.

I guess Americans just have more experience in actually fighting those overgrown turkeys. Actually turkeys have spurs so they’re a bit more of a threat to a human adult than geese are. I’d rather tussle with a goose than a wild Tom turkey.

There is a family legend about an amorous goose. I don’t know it well enough to tell it properly though, I wasn’t there when it happened. But I do not understand the Statesian confidence in goose warfare.

We’ll spare no expense!

Nah

We have worked with hundreds of sloths over the years, (both wild and human-reared) and they can all inflict serious injuries if scared or irritated. We have seen a sloth bite through a human hand leaving a hole big enough that you could look through.

In addition to their seriously sharp teeth, sloths are astonishingly strong. Due to their specialized muscle structure, their muscles are pound for pound stronger than a human’s. Despite their small size, sloths are 3x stronger than the average person. Meaning that if you are up against an angry sloth who wants to bite you, chances are the sloth will be the winner of that wrestling match.

When they reach independence (at the age of about 18 months), even the most gentle of hand-reared sloths just do not want to be handled any longer.

Suit up!

I don’t think you could kill a horse in an open field without a long distance weapon. It’s a flight animal, if you did any significant damage to it, you’d never come close enough to get it to fight you. Enclosed spaces, that’s a different story (you still lose that, it’s a horse).

Put sharp shoes on, prance around celebrating your imminent death.

I think the more important question is, can a horse prep? Like does it even understand the concept of prepping? I think if you could somehow tell a horse that a week from now it would have to fight a human it probably wouldn’t do anything to prepare.

Not only “what is the horse doing in that time?” but that the dude knows that means no.

The thing is, horses have a pretty fatal design flaw. If you can manage to take out one of its leg, the bout is won.

Of course, that misses the fact that those legs will be actively focused on kicking you, but with prep time you could probably find a way to get the horse to trip and break a leg.

Depends what counts as winning. If leaving the arena counts as forfeit then I reckon I could beat a horse cus I don’t think a horse has any desire to be there

If you get prep time surely its easy? What is the horse going to do, I can just make a few spears and set a stick on fire to wave in its face to scare it.

Ok Mr. Hands…

Nah, a sheep would kick my ass. A salmon too probably.

See the problem I have with this is that sure, you could take a coyote one-on-one. When is that situation going to happen though? Coyotes typically hunt in duos at minimum. Maybe you’re able to get your hands around the first, but you’re not going to be able to finish the fight before the second attacks from your blind spot.

A lot of people judge their ability to win in a fight based on their 1v1 matchup, when realistically you should base it on how many you can expect to face at oncem

Their bites aren’t as bad as you might think. They can fuck you up, but they rely on pretty quick attacks, so the risk is more in repeated strikes(from what we’ve seen with the limited coyote attacks that happen).

Don’t recommend going for a straight-on brawl, but if you can get behind one, you might have a chance. Bonus points, they’re naturally pretty disinclined to fight a human unless given no other options, so you might be able to slip behind at a point?

I heard of a grandma taking a bobcat once, so maybe that?

The biggest problem is that most animals will never fight to the death. I could take multiple coyotes if I just need to scare them off. I could take a bear or mountain lion if all I need to do is not die.

Checkmate liberals! 😁

A horse with arms is much more dangerous. No way I could take it.