- cross-posted to:
- hackernews@derp.foo
- news@lemmy.world
- cross-posted to:
- hackernews@derp.foo
- news@lemmy.world
Men who identify as incels have “fundamental thinking errors” about what women want, research shows.
A study at Swansea University found incels - or involuntary celibates - overestimated physical attractiveness and finances, while underestimating kindness, humour and loyalty.
The study’s co-author Andrew Thomas said “thinking errors” could “lead us down some quite troubling paths”.
He said mental health support was crucial, as opposed to “demonisation”.
The term refers to a community, largely online, of mainly heterosexual men frustrated by their inability to form romantic or sexual relationships.
The idea dates back more than 30 years and was popularised by a website offering support for lonely people who felt left behind.
Study: https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/full/10.1080/00224499.2023.2248096
This is wildly known but it is always good being backed by science. The only problem I see is incels being beyond disgusting at times. When you get bombarded by animal porn and rape threats, you stop caring about their well being.
But maybe others have higher tolerances and can handle them.
Also the whole extreme violent misogyny thing. It’s really hard to give half a shit when they celebrate things like state mandated marriage, Eliot Rogers, and the Polytechnique shooter.
I hope they get better, but even if I was into guys it’d be a hard sell for me to date a former incel because I see the shit they pull.
It’s an embracement of the things they feel don’t cost them anything anymore, they just have nothing left to lose in that dept, in their own minds. They could try, just like any other person, but rather than trying to be good and risking failure and rejection, it can feel preferable to embrace the darkness and be able to have confidence in their own control of their path forward. They’d rather be rejected for being vitriolic scum, than trying to be funny and charming and failing at that.
Imo anyway, I’ve never been one and can’t speak from personal experience, simply been around in some seedy internet spaces before, and I understand toxic masculinity well.
Yeah maybe it’s just being a woman and a gay one at that, but I’ve been desperately lonely and confused why I couldn’t succeed romantically, but the thought of hating those who don’t love me back never made sense to me. I didn’t want revenge I wanted to know what I was doing wrong. And that really hits to the situation here. I’d never want to date someone who’d rather be rejected for being a cruel asshole than for being socially inept or ugly. Maybe they can change and I get that but it’s like dating someone who used to be really racist, it’ll take a lot for me to believe you’ve changed enough and then you add in that their bigotry was towards you and that it had impacts.
People make mistakes, so if it’s truly a former incel, I don’t see the problem.
People make mistakes, but also someone having been in a hate group against you is a valid reason not to date them even if they’ve completely changed. Incels are a misogynistic hate group.